Random Shit.

I wonder if Twinkle ever wonders why I'm taking a shit in his water dish. It disturbs me greatly that he thinks it's a good idea to drink outta there. For God's Sake, I KISS him on that mouth. Kenny is quick to remind me, "Uh, he drinks out of the toilet" every time I go to kiss him. My reply is that I've had my lips on worse things in this life. He questions that rationale. I'm beginning to question it as well.

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Tonight I surprised the shit out of myself (see the common "shit thread" I'm weaving here??) and without Passing Go or Collecting $200, I jumped right into cooking. With my work clothes still on! Normal practice is to change into either pajamas or sweats upon arrival at home in the evening. Sweats if I'm pretending that I'm going to go to the gym later on, jammies when I don't even try to put on a big show about it and head directly to the couch or my chair that projects my head forward. Anyway, I had taken some ground turkey out of the freezer and knew it was either use it or lose it. I also had some farm-fresh green peppers that needed to be used, and some tomatoes that were scaring the hell out of rotten, so I put it all together and made the freshest batch of Green Peppers you could ever hope to eat. I blanched the tomatoes and put 'em in my smoothie-making blender, cooked up a little brown rice & barley to add to the meat mixture (getting in all that fiber, making Gillian McKeith proud) and stuffed those peppers. They have smelled up the house quite nicely. I may have over-seasoned the sauce, I'm not really in the mood to taste-test it, but it smells good anyway. And then Kenny came home and we went out for pizza. Peppers tomorrow night or I will kill something after all that effort.

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Pizza for dinner tonight on top of pizza for lunch today. It was my Nerd Club's Humorous Speech Contest, and I Chaired the event, providing a pizza & soda lunch for the masses. It was pizza night at Parma Tavern and as I've realized it's not ALWAYS all about me, we did what Kenny wanted. He didn't want stuffed peppers. So he had a beer, I enjoyed a salad and a piece of pizza, and we called it a night. Gillian McKeith WOULD NOT be happy with my pizza-pooping ways tonight, Oh No Sirree, she would NOT. I've been monitoring it since finding her poo chart. With my increased interest in getting in more fiber, fruits and vegetables, combined with eliminating beef and alcohol, I've been enjoying some Type 4 Healthy Poos which get a "Well Done!" from Gillian. After my pizza diet today, not so much. I know you're all anxious to check out the chart and see how you rate. Go Get 'Em, Tiger! It's fascinating stuff, that poo chart.

And with last bit of talk about poo, I bid you adieu.

Doing the Skedaddle

Jeezus Christ, it's been a wild ride of a weekend! Saturday, finding ourselves at loose ends we decided to take advantage of some concert tickets & free room up in Windsor. Really, that's what we thought sounded like a good idea - what the fuck is wrong with us?? Said only half wonderingly, I KNOW good and well what's wrong with us - we need to find another hobby or learn to be happy just sitting around at home. But we're not, oh no sirree, we must be On The Go at all times.

Long weekend story short, we went to leave around noonish on Sunday and the valet announced my car wouldn't start. My first thought was that they had somehow left the lights on and it would be resolved with a quick jump and we'd be on our way. Nope. The battery terminals were corroded like crazy. I had to use my "free" Lexus Roadside Assistance program and put the calls into motion. Luckily they were able to take care of things even out of the country, but the best they could do on a Sunday was tow 'er to the nearest Lexus dealership and await a diagnosis on Monday morning.

Bruce the Transportation Supervisor at Windsor was In Charge of the whole operation. I formed a very quick and dirty-minded crush on him. He was tall and in command, with a clean-cut hairdo and he wore sunglasses even in the shade. One of the valets informed me he was ex-military, which explained his take charge persona. Bruce helped us get situated with another room for the night, wrote a note for the dealership, directed the tow truck around and told me to go back up to my room and not worry about it, he'd take care of it all for me and let me know when it was settled. So I did just that.

Since we found ourselves there unexpectedly for an extra day we were rather at loose ends. Kenny was disappointed because it was going to be his first Football Sunday with his new Direct TV $400 football package. Instead he watched the game from his 37" t.v. in our hotel room. Still quite comfortable, but not the same experience he had hoped for. Good thing I always threaten to go check out the pool and pack my swimsuit with me - because I finally had the opportunity to make good on that threat. I suited up and headed down to the pool area, it's quite lovely in a windowed solarium and there was about 4 other people in there. I had the thing practically to myself. I swam around and hung out on the edge of the pool reading a new book, then sauna-ed and whatnot-ed for a few hours. It was relaxing and I felt good getting in a little bit of exercise. Might as well make the most of it, there's far worse places that my two year old fucking Lexus could have broken down...

After pooling and dry heating myself up, I went back to the room and was going to head down to the casino for a little bit of extra gaming action, but instead was so engrossed in the book I was reading that I couldn't tear myself away. I stayed in the room and read for hours, finally heading down to find Kenny around 11 p.m. or so. He was doing pretty good, playing some video poker, and I watched him play for a while and recapped the book for him - I'm sure he was delighted. We called it a night around 1:00 a.m. I of course had to pick up the book again, however, and determined I couldn't put it down until I was done so I was up reading til 4 a.m. Best book I've ever read. I promised Kenny I'd stop talking about it after today, as he got a full re-cap, which included my reading excerpts aloud to him on the drive home. He was actually pretty interested in the whole thing - or he politely feigned interest to humor me.

Anyway, as you've gathered, we made it home. They had the car fixed around noon today and the Lexus Shuttle came and picked us up. The dude at the dealership who replaced the battery terminals told me he'd never seen anything quite like that on a 2 year old Lexus and that I should really lay into my dealership who's been servicing my car - they should have seen that during one of my $90 oil changes (which was only a couple thousand miles ago). So they're on my to-call-and-bitch-out list.

All-in-all, it was a painless inconvenience. Another free night at the hotel, swimming around, a free meal, free towing service, shuttle to the dealership, and a no-charge to fix the problem as it's under warranty. And of course there was the dealing with Foxy Bruce the security dude, which led to a little role-playing during some sexual shenanigans in between swimming and reading. Kenny didn't even mind being called Bruce, as long as it was his wiener getting the action. Men are all just pretty basic that way. Food, sex, football = call me whatever you want.

Luckily for me I had a light work schedule as I was unexpectedly off. Good thing it wasn't Tuesday, I have my Toastmasters contest which I am in charge of running. So with that, I must run and bake cupcakes for my Nerd Club event, check my emails and google the author of that book so I can send her a love letter. By the way, the book is called The Glass Castle. Get it, read it and we can sit around and talk about it. Kenny will thank you for taking it off his hands.

Vagina Monologues Part 2

The scene is the living room, Tuesday night, while watching The First 48:

Tracye: "I'm so hot! I think I'm having a heart attack or something."

Kenny: "You wouldn't be hot if you're having a heart attack. You'd have other symptoms, like arm pain and stuff."

Tracye: "Maybe I'm starting menopause early or something."

Kenny: "Well, you might as well just go ahead and get it over with. Wouldn't you like to not have to shove shit up your pussy anymore?"

Tracye: "Why yes, I guess I would enjoy not having to shove shit up my pussy anymore, now that you mention it."

End Scene.

Labored Day

A Perfect Long Weekend. How often does one get to boast of that?? Well, I do! So much fun; relaxing and reconnecting, saying Adieu to a too-short summer. Well, you'll have that, can't stop the changing of the seasons, the best you can hope for is to make the most of them and enjoy 'em while you can. It's when the seasons begin to change that I am reminded, a little in amazement, of how far I've come in life over the last four years. Wow, so much has happened, and better than ever - just genuinely happy as I dance through this life, with the opportunity to do absolutely anything that strikes my fancy.

I was reminded of that today in particular, as I finalized our vacation plans and it told me we are 33 days away from embarkation or whatever it is they call it. Ken and I reviewed some of the excursions and booked Stingray City while in Grand Caymen, and we're going to go to Passion Island in Cozumel. And that's only one week, we don't even have the second week looked at yet. How fun for us, how fortunate I am, and grateful for my life. This, after spending the beginning of the weekend with my friendie in Atlantic City, walking the beach and enjoying pampering spa treatments, just enjoying being with the one I heart. Ever have one of those days where you just feel lucky to be you?? Well, that's me this weekend. Lucky, lucky me!

Maybe all those good endorphins are in overdrive because Ken and I actually did some outdoorsy activities. For the first time in three years I convinced him to go to the Towpath and enjoy a little fresh air. He walks around so much at work, that walking for enjoyment isn't exactly high on his list, but he did it anyway, holding hands and talking about life. It was renewing. After, we went for a nice salad and icy tea at Champps, then caught a quick movie, House Bunny, which was laugh-out-loud funny. Oh, yeah, the rockin' sex this weekend hasn't exactly hampered the great mood any :)

Sunday I enjoyed an afternoon with Sophie. She made her famous stuffed cabbages and gave me a container to take home, which is always a treat. I also finally remembered to get my lamps from her basement where I've been storing them for three years. Ya know, there's a reason I don't like to keep shit in storage, and I was reminded it of with these lamps. First, as much of a neatnik as Sophie is with her house, her basement is laden with cobwebs. I walked down there and ran head first into some hanging webs and screamed like a little girl. She had to come down and "rescue" me from the webs, I was going to forgo the lamps rather than wade through the webs to get them. They don't phase her a bit, she is sturdy Czech farm grown stock. It's really weird to have all those webs, because her basement is virtually empty. Very little stuff stored down there at all, yet webs just hanging from the ceiling to the floor. I did not enjoy that. I knocked some of them down with a broom, all the while screaming every time something brushed my arm. The light cord brushed against me at one point and I screamed so loudly I thought the neighbors might call the police. So Sophie got the lamps and brushed the webs free, but I had to let them sit out in the driveway before I could transition them into my car, just in case something was lingering around on the shade or something.

But here's the point about keeping stuff in storage: it's very rarely as nice as you remembered it being. I looked at these lamps, and while they are nice enough, they certainly weren't worth hanging onto for all these years. I could have just as easily replaced them with something from Target and never thought twice about it. I mean, they're already paid for with "married" money, which is one plus, but one of the shades has some type of mar on it from God knows what basement mold/bug/web - who knows. But it's not "perfect" from it's time in storage. Most of the shit ended up like that, which is why now I'm really glad I sold most everything. Even the $2500 treadmill I had while Married, it's pieces are rather scattered from the disassembly from the move and will more than likely never go back together again. Should have sold it rather than take it with me. I have a gym membership now, why would I bother having it set up? Well, luckily I ditched most of the big stuff anyway. So that's a rather rambling story that doesn't much have a point, ha ha ;)

September's shaping up to be another fun, busy month. I have the Artist's Way Retreat mid-month, and I've signed up for a watercolor class, which should be interesting. That will be a Friday-Sunday event, staying at a little Bed & Breakfast up by the lake. We're also tossing around the idea of having our yearly clam bake, since I do have big clam steamer, might as well have the bake. We'll have to do that at the end of the month, the weekend before our vacation beings, I imagine. They're a lot of work, but sure are a good time.

I wrapped up this fine, fine weekend by doing some yard work, trimming bushes and what not, and picking some plums off the tree in the backyard. It's laden with plums, Ken and Tim said this is the first year they've ever seen them produce anything, they didn't even know we had a plum tree back there. It's probably producing because I trimmed it all back last Fall, so it rejuvenated and bore fruit. I saw a little squirrel sitting up high in the branches tonight, holding a little plum in it's paws and eating with a frenzy. I picked some, will let them ripen on the counter. I washed my car, washed some laundry, and washed some dishes. Everything is scrubbed clean, ready for Fall and a new work week that is laid in waiting at my feet.

Peace, and Don't worry, Be happy.

It's a Good Saturday When You Have Something to Repent on Sunday

Mimi and I went to Atlantic City, and All You Get is This Stupid Blog.

I think that should be a new T-shirt slogan. It would be pertinent to so few, it would cause quite a bit of head-scratching, furrowed brows and general looks of confusion.

After 15 years of togetherness, Mimi and I finally took our very first trip together. I really still am a little surprised I was able to get her to leave her family obligations, but it was hard to come up with an argument against Free Trip. The timing and price were perfect! We each took a vacation day on Friday, maximizing our long Labor Day holiday weekend. The trip was a simple over-nighter, so we both still have two more days off before we need to return to the grind of Everyday Life.

Kenny took us to the airport Friday morning, and as we were driving past the Tiedeman Road offramp (work route) he commented, "Huh, bet you've never seen this ramp so early in the morning," as it was 6:45 a.m. I mused that perhaps I would become Early Riser Girl and he just laughed and laughed and laughed....

As usual, the junket to Atlantic City was seamless and easy. Mimi hasn't flown in over six years, and she discovered that she is not really a good fly-er. She was feeling a little queasy, which lasted for the greater part of Friday as we had a hard time finding Dramamine. But she managed to smile through the queasiness and made fast friends with the folks she was sitting next to, even exchanging email addresses.

Just so there was no hard feelings of expected behaviors between us, I did inform her that if she threw up at any time on the trip I would be capturing photos first, holding her hair and being compassionate second.

We landed without incident. I don't know if I'm happy or disappointed about that ;) It would have made for some good mocking and disgusting photos.

P.S. Am I really this much shorter than my friends?? I feel so much taller in person. Perhaps I just photograph short, as Geri once mused.

As with all vacations, we took care of the first order of business: Food and Drinks.

It was a very relaxing trip overall, with the most difficult part being getting our room changed. They put us in a stinking smoking room and we had to wait for our luggage to be delivered to the room before we could switch. So after eating a nice brunch and sipping on mudslides, we did what all Girls Gone Wild do once they are let loose on a gambling and drinking town: Napped. In the stinky smoke room. Well, we had to wait for the luggage anyway, might as well get a catnap in so we can let our bad self's loose on the town later.

Friday afternoon we headed over to the Boardwalk. We shopped and walked the beach and did a fair amount of people watching.

We followed the Path to Happiness:

Mimi poked at every gross little piece of Washed-Ashore Ocean Life:

BFFs. Yeah, even at 40 we can use that term. What of it. No trip would be complete with out mention of some strange Pussies:

We wish these were the only Pussies we saw, but alas, we were treated to some visions during our trip to the spa on Saturday. Bigger and hairier than the ones above, unfortunately for us. They were just all hanging out.

Friday evening we had free show tickets for The Wedding Singer. It was super fun, very 80's, and relate-able from the parachute pants to the seafoam green and peach dresses. Mimi was a little queasy still so she had a ginger ale while I sipped gin. After the show we did our first little bit of gambling, which was new to Mimi. Luckily she had a pro to show her the ropes! I hooked her up on some Video Poker while I played some of my mindless slots, and we called it a night around 1:30 a.m.

Saturday morning we slept in and got a leisurely start to a leisurely day. While she was in the shower, I called the Red Door Spa and inquired about openings for massages, facials - whatever they had available. We were leaving for the airport at 6:00 p.m., so we were going to just hang out at our hotel for the day. Might as well have people rub us.

We shvited and whirlpooled and steamed ourselves silly.

We were limp noodles at the end of the day, wrapping it up just in time to grab a quick bite to eat and board the bus for the airport.

It was the perfect end to a perfect trip.

Quick Miscellaneous Tidbits:

• Mimi: "Ooh! Look at that trashcan!!" She was very impressed with all the little things, including the elevator decorations, the detailing on the trashcans, even the brushed steel look of the menus:

• Mimi made friends all over the place, and even got her massage therapists email so they can keep in touch.


• "Is that it??" after the roulette table sucked Mimi's $10 so fast, she didn't even see the wheel spin. Yep, that's it.


• Mimi: "How the f- can anyone keep up with 21 lines on a slot machine?? How do I even know if I've won??" Tracye: "The machine will tell you."


• Mimi: "Do I really just sit here and push a button??" Tracye: "Yep." Mimi: "This is stupid." Tracye: "Yep. Yet I'm somehow completely entertained."


• Woman sitting next to Mimi on airplane ride home: "What was your favorite part of your trip?" Mimi: "Being with my friend, Tracye." Ditto, girlfriend :)
  

I Still Feel You

His name was Rob. He was killed in a horrific car accident back in 1986. He was only 60. She still hasn't recovered.

Sarah Marie met Rob when she was a fresh pretty thing with the world at her feet. At the time she wasn't even interested in him, she was dating a fella who was teaching her to dance at the local dance halls they frequented. He was a really nice guy, and Sarah Marie thought that they might even marry one day, they had so much fun together. But then she met Rob.

Rob was a powerful man - tall, with a strong chin and wide shoulders. Once he set his sights on Sarah Marie, she was helplessly unable to resist his charms - or his broad shoulders. He was a strong man and Sarah Marie felt herself fall deeply and madly in love.

Over the years they raised three children, one son and a set of twin daughters. Sarah Marie proudly boasted of her kids accomplishments to anyone who was in earshot. Her daughters are successfully published authors, their most recent book just released this summer. The boy is an accomplished musician, playing with an orchestra out in California. He is truly his mother's son, as Sarah herself can make the piano sing and still plays at locales near her home in Fairview Park.

Their marriage was the story we all want to tell, a typical one of raising a family and building a business together, working side-by-side to create the life they wanted to live. As much as they enjoyed living life together, they didn't forget to pursue their independent interests. Skiing and tennis, piano and social clubs - they came together for some, nurtured their independence with others, only making the relationship richer in the end. These same things that helped to nurture their relationship helped to nurture her soul when she found herself so unexpectedly alone, far too early.

Sarah Marie lives loudly. Her clothes are bold, letting the world know she is still here, still standing. Still strong. She wore a pink dress, sparklie large rhinestones and a black cowgirl hat atop her puff of blond hair. Don't be fooled by the lines on her face, or even the slight stoop to her shoulders. She can still whip your ass on the tennis courts, playing three times a week with "people younger than you, Missy. " She downed her glass of vodka, on the rocks, please, while she banged out a tune or three on the baby grand piano in the corner of the bar.

When the singers took over, she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor, all the while talking about how life's too short to sit still. She showed me the moves she learned from that lover so many years ago, the one she thought she'd marry before Rob came along with his strong shoulders and powerful personality. We danced and twirled and clapped and I lived loud with her for a few hours that Saturday night.

But I heard the catch in her voice as she congratulated and applauded the couple who were there celebrating their sixty third wedding anniversary. She only had forty seven years with her Rob, that was all. Not nearly enough time; No, not nearly enough. Sarah Marie still goes to work at the compay she and Rob built, fortunate that she had the experience needed to keep things moving, including herself.


Twenty one years since he's been gone. While she goes on living, she still wears his jacket to feel him next to her skin.

The Quiet Ones Are Always The Biters

We may not have the longest summer in Cleveland, but our fine city does manage to pack a slew of festivals into the short season. Sunday the Boys and I headed off to Little Italy for my first-time-ever participation in The Feast of the Assumption. Neither of us were sure what we would be Assuming, but we did know what we would be consuming: sausages, gyros, pastas and cannolli's. And anything else that struck our fancy.

The weather couldn't have been more beautiful, but the heat managed to creep up on ya if you stood in the sun for very long. Luckily, Tim wore 2 shirts, one with long sleeves. He was rethinking his getting dressed decision after the first hour or so.

Ken and Tim managed to find beers straight-away, while I opted for a Bacardi Mojito.

They played a little dice, with Kenny coming out ahead by $26, and Tim made his charitable contribution to the church.

Random Carnival Life:


Lots of sausages being cooked up. I had one (not from this booth) which was fabulous, and I also enjoyed a stuffed eggplant concoction. Definitely some of the better fair foods to be had in the city. I have to say, I wasn't even tempted by the "fried dough" stands, after reading that an elephant ear has 1000 calories and 55 grams of fat. Should be called elephant ass, because that's what you're going to get if you eat too many of those things. Not to say that an Italian sausage is a health food (I read they have 1,040 calories), but at least I feel there's SOMETHING nutritional in there, even if it's just the tomato sauce and green peppers.

We had a fun time, enjoying three hours or so of bustling city life before heading back home. I was drained from the sun and ready for a nap. While I didn't actually nap, I rested for a while, getting up only a short while ago while Tim & Ken went to the movies. I have a speech to prepare for a training session on Tuesday & Wednesday of this coming week, and I still haven't started it. What the fuck kind of assignment is that, anyway? I would have never signed up for it had I known that was part of the deal, but now it's too late, with non-refundable department dollars so go I must. As a result, this will be a shorter photo-blog so I can get busy with that before midnight.

Other, Even Less Significant Parts of My Weekend

Despite the heavy complaining I did regarding housework on Friday, I finally managed to accomplish a lot and was happy to awake Saturday morning to a very tidy place. I treated myself by doing very little else around the house, except for some random loads of laundry and putting some Drano in the pipes.

Saturday was one of the very few days where Kenny has to get up and be someplace before me, he had an 8 a.m. meeting for work. He was quite cantankerous about it, but still managed to get up at the first sound of the alarm - he is not a snoozer, like me. He just popped right out of bed, even though he had very little sleep as he worked Friday night til 1:30 a.m. So anyway, that set the tone for him for most of the day, when he came home he headed back to bed for a few hours while I went to the gym, tanned (if you can even call it that, I'm as white as I was 10 days ago when I joined the place), and really don't know what else I did to piss the afternoon away. When he got up he wanted very mindless activities, so we saw two movies and had dinner on the patio at Champps. It was perfect weather, I rather hated to waste it indoors, but there ya have it sometimes. I need to get my bicycle up & running and start enjoying that...well, probably next year already, but one day.

Peace, I'm off to do a little homework. Yeah, I'm not mentally ready at all to go back for my Masters, I am too annoyed by this little project. Well, know your limits, that's what I always say.