Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Over Exposed

Before we head out of town for our New Years Eve celebration in Sin City, I am going to leave you with this:

No, it's not my blinding beauty that's the focus. It's the hat. The hat with the 5 lights shining off the brim. That little light clip was in Kenny's bag o' gifts. I just found it tonight when I was unpacking everything. Kenny doesn't wear hats, but we happened to have one lying around from one of our cruises, so I clipped 'er on and tried 'er out. She's bright, I will say that. I want to wear it around in the dark all the time. It's sort of fun.
I turned out all the lights and went to the bathroom with only the light from the brim of my hat to guide the way. This lighted hat contraption is so fantastical I took a picture of it for you, Reader, despite my haggard it's-midnight-and-I-don't-have-on-any-makeup-and-I've-been-cleaning-the-house-oh, yeah-I have-some-premenstrual-breakouts-don't-I-look-GREAT and posted all over the interwebs just for you. Risking people who would love to see me looking like this stumbling across this site and laughing and laughing and laughing. The lighted hat is that great.
I will point out that I think my dark-circle under-eye lightening cream is working a little bit - they're not too bad under the eyes and this is at their absolute worst. I definitely look better a tad fixed up. Ah, well. It is what it is. I make no excuses for who I am. Well, not too many excuses.

While I'm pointing out Great Things About Me, I figured I'd included a picture of the pajama top I was sporting around the house in all my sexy wonder. Here it is, Pink Magic. Yes, those are a few stains right above the left boozum hole. What of it.

Kenny suggested I use this as my first sewing project with my new Christmas machine. But alas, I knew when enough was enough and I put the old girl in the trash. She's sitting out on the treelawn right now. Maybe I should have tried to save her. On a good note, my friend Joanne took pity on my pajama plight, even before seeing Pink Magic, and I got a new pair of jammies for Christmas.

Since I blog-committed to working on bringing my Sexy, back, I surprised Kenny with a Santa's Little Helper suit for a Christmas bonus. A slight step up from Pink Magic, but certainly not as comfortable. Although Toby (the cat) did enjoy laying between my boozums and biting the faux-fur neckline.

That's all I've got to tide you over until I return. Happy New Year - cheers to 2010! I'm ready to usher it in!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Post-Holiday Wrap Up

Another Christmas passes by. As far as holidays go, it was a rather nice one for us. After all the gift-worry, it all turned out just fine. Kenny likes his jacket (or so he says!), my Major Award from him was a bee-u-tee-ful diamond necklace:

It's really quite pretty, and heavy with diamonds, princess cuts on the inside and brilliant round on the outside. Considering I wasn't even that good this year, it's a pretty nice gift!
Kenny's mom got me a fantastic gift, a sewing machine. I literally squealed with delight when I opened that surprise. Now, who knows what I'm going to do with it, but since I took a sewing class last year I've been thinking it would be nice to have a machine. Maybe next year I'll make quilts for everyone for Christmas! I'd better get started RIGHT NOW if that's the plan. Everyone will end up with potholders...I know me and my craft-record. Great ideas that amount to nothing more than a bunch of fabric stuffed in a bag in a back closet. But my possibilities with a new sewing machine are now endless! Kenny got Rock Band for Wii. We have Rock Band for the X-box, and have only used it once or twice. We definitely need a video gaming room.

All-in-all, it was a good Christmas weekend with much time spent with those we love. I haven't seen my nephews yet, but hopefully I'll get out there before next Christmas.

Now all that's left is to clean up the rubble. My house is seriously bordering on being worthy of an episode of Hoarders. I'm going to get off of here shortly and go through it with a large trash bag and Make Things Happen around here. How does it get this bad?? I don't really know, other than a complete disregard for putting anything away for about three weeks straight. Maybe I'll post before & after photos. I also have to get my New Years resolutions written up, still need to write a speech for Nerd Club, and get my laundry in order since we leave for Vegas Wednesday night. I upgraded our asses to First Class. Cost a bunch of miles and $50 - but we don't have First Class upgrades yet for the return trip home, but I'm going to put that request out to the Universe and not give it another thought.

The little baby black kitty got declawed last Tuesday. She's still walking around very tentatively on her little cat feet, and we've taken to carrying her around. And bringing her food and water to her. About six o'clock in the morning I woke up very worried, the Baby was in the same spot on the bed where she had been for hours. She only moves on an as-needed basis with her sore tootsies. So I got up and brought her a glass of cold water, so she could drink in bed. She enjoyed that. Then Kenny carried her to her litter box. She promptly hopped out, but she is definitely a little tender foot. I feel so badly for her and really hate the declaw, but I know it's for the Greater Good, with the Greater Good being my leather furniture.

Alrightie, I'm ready to get busy around here. I do have turkey roasting in the oven and it smells wonderful. I'm like June Cleaver, only without the housecleaning gene. Well, ya can't have it all.

Hope everyone had a very good holiday! Can't wait to read your updates. Post pictures. Entertain me.

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Original Cougar Town

Little by little, Kenny is beginning to perform with a band called Player's Club. Practice has been limited to date, so he only jumps up with them for a few songs. Their first gig has been at the Rockside Road Holiday Inn lounge, which is a microcosm of life that just begs for intense people-watching. What's beyond The Cougar?? Well, whatever that label is needs to be applied here. The women are beyond their 40's, the men are welllll beyond their 50's and they're all just lookin' for love. Kenny called it the Island of Misfit Toys. But they come out, any night of the week, and dance dance dance. That floor is crowded! And I love to sit back and watch how Dancing With The Stars has inspired a nation.

So Wednesday night Kenny jumped onstage towards the end of the night and sang a little Neil Diamond and played a little harmonica. I've captured it here for your enjoyment. Next time I'm going to try and capture the movers and the shakers on the dance floor. No, not to mock them - but simply so you too can enjoy the moment.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


A few comments from previous blogs:
My little brother, on the Neti-Pot recap: "I'm really glad you didn't need an enema."

More to come....

It's The Thought, Right?

Christmas Eve Day. Tomorrow's The Big Reveal - what did Kenny and I actually buy for each other?? We had set a $25 limit on ourselves, since we're going to Vegas for New Years, but that got thrown out the window at some point.
One of the more fun things we had been doing was just telling each other all the fantastical things we would have bought each other, since it's the thought that counts anyway (supposedly). We would start every story with, "I was going to buy you a car!" .. and then go on to whatever else had crossed our mind. Today I told him what I would have bought for him. Here's how it unfolded:
T: "I was in Williams-Sonoma looking around for you..."
K: "What's a Williams-Sonoma?"
T: "A housewares store, they sell all sorts of contraptions for the kitchen."
K, sniggering: "Yeah, that's exactly where you should be looking for something for ME! What the hell would you even think I would want from a kitchen store??"
T: "Well, as a matter of fact, I was THINKING of getting you a French Press coffee maker (we had French-pressed coffee when we stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel back in the spring and we loved it) - but they had a couple that ranged in price from $60 to $100, and that's too expensive for my blood."
K: "Ooh, French-pressed coffee!! Now that's a GREAT idea, I would have really liked that!"
T: "See, you would like something from the kitchen store. Idiot-for-mocking-me."
But he's not getting a French Press, because I'm not spending $100 on one.
But we did end up totally blowing our $25 budget. I started it, I guess. I told him I blew it and got him something that was $250, plus a few other knick-knacks, then he told me that he had to make sure he doubled-up on that so he spent around $650 on me (which is way more than doubling up). Now I have all sorts of present-stress, because he may not even LIKE what I bought him, in fact when he was guessing he said sardonically, "It's not a jacket, is it?" and of course it is, so while I quickly said, "No! Why would I buy you a stupid jacket!" it's really a jacket. Don't fret, Reader, my beloved doesn't even know where to go to read this site, his opinion is that he lives this shit, he doesn't need to read about it. Oh, if he did, the things he could find out! Sucka.
So now I'm sitting on a jacket as his main gift, a jacket he mocked (cause he has a closet full of jackets, but this is a really cool leather jacket with Thinsulate to keep his ass warm out there, which his current and favorite leather jacket does not have), a movie he's seen multiple times (The Hangover, but the unrated version so there should be some extra-special Christmas nudity, sexual explicitness and cursing), and a couple other insignificant things, and I'm up against a $650 gift. Jeez.
Oh, I did have a surprise lined up for today, but he pestered me to the point that I told him what it was last night - breakfast and a tour of the Christmas Story House. That was in the works for today, and he LOVED the idea! But now he doesn't want to go today because it'll more than likely be crowded beyond belief, so he wants to go another day. But he loved the thought. And that's what counts, right?

Monday, December 21, 2009


Sick. Thought last week with nasty cough was beginning and end, but it seems it was just a prelude. Achy, stuffy, blah blah. Good thing I don't have my Christmas things done yet. Ah, well, I'll make Kenny run errands if needed. He's a good boyfriend like that.

The little baby Blackie - who I tried to name Luka, by the way, cause she lives on the second floor, but Kenny didn't like it - anyway, she goes in tomorrow for her declaw. It always makes me feel bad, especially the food and water deprivation part.

I watched two more episodes of Vampire Diaries. That show scares me, I need to take it in small doses. Kenny can suck it, telling me to get a grip on myself, I'm 43. It's scary!

Off to bed with Nyquil and Vicks Vaporub.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

By The Number

Braved the Mall today.  Had to. It's a long back story, but in a nutshell, when I moved in with Kenny I threw out his most-disgusting bed pillow and he hasn't had a decent nights sleep since. I've been on a quest to find The Perfect Pillow, FAR Better Than That Disgusting Thing You Were Resting Your Head Upon for the past four years for him. To no avail.

Last month I wandered into the Sleep Number store and ended up with two new pillows for both of us. Some sort of pillow shell thing that you can put a pillow insert into, and find your "perfect sleep number pillow" or whatever. Well, I had purchased those foam things for the insert part and they STUNK. Literally. That foam shit is highly overrated - why would anyone want something underneath their nose that stinks so badly??  "It's the chemicals," the sales people... er.. Sleep Professionals! told me. No shit.

Well, I had to get these exchanged today, was the last day to do so. It had to be an exchange, not a refund, and it's rather difficult to find something that costs less than a bajillion dollars at the Sleep Number store. I did exchange them for a new, stinkless and less firm insert for Kenny's pillow, and a reading pillow for myself. They kindly put the remaining $27 as a credit back on my card, 'cause there was nothing left to buy.

Came home, tried out the new pillow insert and he still hated it. Heads too high. WTF. So Kenny finally had enough and gutted his old pillow, pulled out the stuffing, and "stuffed" the expensive Sleep Number shell thingamajig to the perfect density and now he is happy. For the moment. And Stanley the cat is happy, because he now has a Sleep Number insert pillow-cased up for his comfort next to me on the recliner.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

More of "Conversations with Kenny"

T to K: You know, you really know some weirdos. You should start hanging out with a better class of people!
K to T: Well, I tried that once. And then I met you.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Super-Cheap Date

There's a wine store next door to my ladie's gym which I've paid cursory attention to for the past four years. It looks small and dingy on the outside, and in the nice weather they set out a little green plastic table with plastic chairs in a cheap imitation of a delightful sidewalk bistro. They also advertise wine tasting events every week, but I always noted that with a dismissive glance and went about my way, passing judgement on the exterior of building.

And then my friend went up there a week ago and said it was surprisingly nice inside (she also goes to the ladie's gym next door).  So we went last night and let me tell you, it's the best deal in town. The interior of the wine store is charming, with nice Tuscany-flavored furnishings and paint, knick-knacks, and spotlessly clean.

Every Friday night, from 5-8 p.m., they offer healthy pours of five different wines to sample with cheese and crackers, for $5.  And for an extra $2.50, they offer two dessert wines and a little basket of homemade desserts!

An older (by older, I'm talking 50's, which really isn't that old now that I'm 43 - drat!) husband and wife team operate this little shindig and they do a bang-up job. He will tell you stories about where the wines come from, colorful antecdotes about the particular vineyards, and the wife bakes the delicacies. For $7.50, we had seven glasses of wine and a sampling of five different homemade Christmas cookies. They change up the theme every week. Next Friday, the dessert menu includes port wines and bread pudding, made with some special Italian fruit bread. I put in my order for a 9 x 13 inch pan, please.

The place, by the way, was hoppin', with at least 50 people there throughout the evening. Not bad for a tiny joint in the middle of a surburban strip mall. The best kept little secret in town, five minutes from home, and here I've been walking on by for the last four years. Just goes to show, the old adage is true: Never judge a bistro by it's cheap plastic chairs.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

What Annoys Kenny

Kenny's on a rampage, and it all revolves around television commercials. The first one that sets him off is for State Farm insurance, which starts with a little kid singing. It's not the fact that a little kid is singing (although that can be annoying on it's own), it's that they didn't catch the glitch in the lyrics. The kid sings, "You and I must make a pack." A pack, People. The editors didn't catch that. Kenny's response is always the same, as his head spins a little and spittle gathers at the corners of his lips as he shouts, "A PACK OF WHAT?? A WOLF PACK?? JEZZUSCHRIST HOW FUCKING STUPID THAT THEY LET THAT GO - IT'S A PACT! A PACT!!" Shame on you, State Farm. I wonder if we can get coverage for Kenny's blood pressure, which is surely going to explode his head one day.

His other favorite? The one with the Wilson brother - Luke, who needs a new hairdo by the way - for AT&T. He throws the postcards on the map of the United States, and as he says, "Akron, Ohio" he tosses it down somewhere near Tennessee. Not. Even. Close. Luckily we have a DVR and Kenny's able to rewind it and really get his ire worked up into a froth. In fact, it's ON RIGHT NOW and he's getting twitchy.

You'll Thank Me Later

Well, well, well. December. Lessee where we're at with a quick inventory.
  1. Two Christmas gifts purchased to date. And these are for Kenny's mom's dogs, so do they even count? I have no idea what I'm buying - or even who I'm buying for - this year. My list is usually pretty simple, but this year I'd like to reassess it and make sure I'm spreadin' the love where it's needed. I'd better make a new list. I do have to buy something nice for the girl I manage, now that I'm a manager. Kenny and I were debating the amount to spend. Now, I don't make The Big Bucks, and it seems wrong to spend more on someone I work with than a member of my family, so it's going to take a bit of reassessing. Kenny thinks $25 is too cheap, but I spend that on some family and friends, so if I go up to $50 - well, do you see the conundrum? It's a slippery slope, this gift-giving, and while it's not supposed to be about the money, sometimes that's what it just boils down to.

  2. Speaking of Christmas, I need to figure out what extent of decorating is going to be accomplished this year. I'm considering doin' 'er up this year. If so, I need to get started today, which could be the hold-up to Christmas Cheer. But I am rather excited about it since we have two new "babies" in the house and this will be their first Christmas. With Toby and Little Blackie (Fuji didn't stick, that's a stupid name, I think she will end up being called Blackie), I don't think the tree will stay standing more than about 2 hours. It'll be a fun experiment. I may want to consider holding off on the ornament application until I see how it goes.

  3. I need to get the plastic wrap applied to the windows. But first I need to face the hillbillies at Wal-Mart to buy the plastic wrap, and that seems to be the hold-up to that project. But these old drafty windows let in too much Old Man Winter to just ignore that stupid winter project, so I'll have to face them sooner or later.

  4. The house is MESSY. Completely disheveled, in fact. One of the tasks I hate the most is sorting through the mail, and it piles up on the stair steps right outside the mail slit. So much so, in fact, that it poses a trip-hazard going up & down the steps. That's when we (I really mean "I" - Kenny could step over it until it piled up so high he wouldn't be able to leave the house) know it's time to sort through it, which is exactly what I did on Saturday afternoon. But we had such a lazy-log Saturday that I did it from puffy comfort of my large-ass-making recliner, and therefore just threw all the trash on the floor.
    I haven't even picked it up yet, it's still sitting right there where I threw it. Just think how accomplished I'll feel when I actually get around to picking it up, I'll be all like, "Look what I did today! I cleaned up a great big pile of trash!" See, it's a psychological game I play with myself, to give myself a feeling of accomplishment. I do the same thing when I'm making a to-do list, I write down stuff I've already done, and then I get to cross it off right away and I feel good about things. Then I take a break.

  5. Sitting here isn't getting my speech written for Toastmasters (a.k.a. Nerd Club). Just so you know how I've prioritized you, Reader.
  6. Have seen two things that have had a lasting impact on me lately, the musical Wicked and the new movie Brothers which just started on Friday night. Now, they are not even in the same genre of entertainment, and I liked them for completely different reasons, but they were both worth noting. Wicked was fantastical, in all it's musical splendor. Brothers is the new war movie with Jake Gyllenhaal and Spiderman McGuire, and it has haunted me the whole weekend. I also saw New Moon, which really just made me embarrassed about the fact that I enjoyed the books. I feel a little ashamed of myself.

  7. We travelled to Atlantic City over the Thanksgiving weekend. We took a small private jet out of Cleveland Hopkins Airport (thanks to Mr. Anderson's rabid gambling) and we didn't have to go through security. I realized at that moment how much I liked doing that and need to get busy doing something with my life to warrant private jets all the time. If only standards were lower, I could coquette my way to the life of luxury.

  8. I've started my 2010 Resolutions List! How's that for being full of Ambition. Things on the short list include:

1/ Creating and sticking to a budget (being a Responsible Adult is waaay overrated)

2/Amping up the sex appeal of my bedroom attire. Now, this won't really be too hard to "amp" it up, I've taken to looking somewhat slovenly in the boudoir. My favorite pink pajama top has achieved the status of "too bad to even be a good rag" and Kenny actually called me on it one night with a, "What the fuck are you even WEARING??" Really, as little attention as he pays to most things around here, I didn't think he'd notice. It's bad, though. It's completely torn down the front alongside the buttons, a hole under the left boob, it's a mess. But comfy. When I think of the efforts I made when I was newly single/getting divorced, the contrast is sharp. I wore scratchy lace things with bows and rosettes, and shaved my legs all the time even if I was sleeping alone. I made it a point to feel sexy, and now? Now it's all gone to hell in a handbasket, so for 2010, I am going to work on bringing my Sexy, back.

3/ Along the same lines, another resolution is to have matchy-matchy undies. No little tears or holes in the lace. Again, when I was newly single, I swapped out all my Married Undergarments because they were what my fat-ass-ex-husband preferred, which is a whole weird exploration in it's own right as he had a fetish for giant white cotton underwear on his women. Maybe that explains his attraction for an older grandmother as his mistress (not kidding), she had the granny-panties as a natural part of her sexy arsenal. Anyway, I seriously digress. Back in 2005 I had an underwear-drawer-revamp and I've just gotten a little lazy with the upkeep. Might as well have very pretty things nestled up against my lady parts. They deserve it.

And really, isn't that enough for now? I've once again ended a good story in the gutter. My job here is done.