Monday, May 28, 2007

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

My tooth fell out Friday night as I was flossing, getting ready to go out. Well, not actually my tooth, but a cap on a back molar. I'm lucky I didn't swallow it, although that would have been a really good story. The thing is, when I went to the dentist about 2 months ago, I mentioned that it was painful and he took an x-ray and said nothing was wrong. Now, it pops off. I rinsed with warm salt water and popped it back on there and went out anyway. I went to bed Friday night fearing that it would pop out while I slept and I'd choke to death on it. Now THAT would be a good story!

It was a really normal week. Work, home, t.v., sleep. I golfed on Thursday, still haven't gotten my swing back yet. It was fun night, though, so at least it was a best-ball scramble and I didn't have to swing every time - when my partner hit a good one I didn't even bother. We ended up winning the match, which was surprising, because we are really terrible. Even together we're not a strong golfer. Kenny and I need to get out there on the weekend so I can practice more.

We've discovered a bird's nest on our back porch, up where the downspout and the house form a "V." The mama bird is probably more than a little ticked off that this is the year I decided to make the porch usable space. She's probably been nesting out there for 8 years in peace, and now I take over. It was fun to sit out there and watch her feed the babies. I was quiet and didn't let any cats out there with me.

Cost me $59 to fill up my car this weekend. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Anyone want to take over my lease?? I see a small VW Bug in my future :).
Kenny and I spent the better part of yesterday visiting my aunt & uncle. My cousin Connie and her family came out and we celebrated her birthday. I had ordered a birthday cake to take as my dessert contribution and it ended up being this HUGE monstrosity of a cake with pink and orange frosting. It was pretty, but just absolutely the wrong size for a party of eight. It was embarrassingly big, but as Connie pointed out, "There's no shame in a big cake." Lesson learned when ordering from Beckers in the future: downsize.
It was the first time I've seen my aunt since my surgery last year and at the end of the evening she said she had to ask me a personal question. Now, anyone who knows me, knows that nothing is personal - I volunteer more info than anyone wants to know - and will show ya anything on my body if it adds to the story! So anyway, she wanted to know if I had a boob job, and I have to admit, I would ask the same question. They are starting to hoop out of my D-cups, and I believe growing larger with every piece of cake I eat. But the answer is no; no boob job. All me. Every last heaving, undulating ounce of them.

I apparently lost my mind over the weekend, as I do about once a year, and thought it was a good idea to get fake nails applied. It's been 2 days and I've broken the thumbnail and am struggling to type. Maybe I can deal with them through summer vacations. I even had Geri's refrain bouncing round in my head saying, "Just say no" to the fake nails, but I didn't listen. Shop in haste, repent at leisure.
I'm supposed to give my Icebreaker speech on Tuesday for Toastmasters, but Long Holiday Weekend Girl does not want to work on it so I will be sending an email tomorrow to cancel myself off the agenda. Another day for that.

We had a cookout at Kenny's grandmother's today. It was really nice, as usual, but we got home late and it's now after 11:00, so I'm wrapping this up for the week. I don't have any good pics to post (unlike the Product Management Girls, who went out over the weekend and had what appears to be out-of-control fun with pictures to document it all!) so that's it for now.
Peace and enjoy a nice short work-week!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Miss a week, miss alot

My grandmother Sophie turned 90 last weekend - go, Sophie!! I was busy getting all the details in place and getting her little bio written up for the party that I had for her on Saturday the 12th at Mapleside Farms in Medina. It turned out really nice, about 30 guests, with good food, a lot of catching-up, and a great cake. Nothing more important at a birthday party than a great cake! Becker's in Fairview Park always does a fabulous job. Her little life story that I wrote was also a success, it made one of the waitresses cry, she had to leave the room. Below are some random photos from the party.

The cake:

Melinda, Trevor & Sophie (Trevor's giving Melinda 'rabbit ears'):
Sophie & Me:
My cousin Dawn & her husband, Earl with his son K.C.:

Kenny & his family: Marge, Stanley & Linda:

My Aunt Pat & Uncle Sonny (my mom's brother):

By the time I got home from the party Saturday, I was exhausted; I put on my pajamas around 5:00 p.m., Kenny left to run the sound for a wedding, and I passed out in a coma until about 9:00 p.m. that night. I got up, watched a rerun of The 40 Year Old Virgin (maybe that's titled after me!), and was back in bed and slept til 11:00 a.m. Sunday morning. I was wiped out.

Since the party, I've been on a steady diet of leftover cake. I believe I've had a piece each night after dinner, finally finishing it up tonight while Kenny & I watched Die Hard 2 & 3. We're gearing up for the 4th one which comes out in June -I had to catch up. We just now finished watching March of the Penguins. Well, I kinda half-watched; it was sloooooow. In the meantime, I got my My Space page up & running. I signed up for one months ago, but decided I liked this avenue for blogging, but then today I decided to have both. If you're so inclined you can also view my My Space page at

This past week I've been working on our little back porch, getting it all cleaned up and ready for summer. I painted the interior aluminum siding, vacuumed & scrubbed the carpet, potted some plants and brought up my outdoor furniture. It is all ready for reading, writing or just enjoying a cocktail. I love my little cute extra space!

Friday night Kenny, Timmy, Tina & I had tickets to see George Carlin at The Playhouse. We didn't actually remember buying them, so Kenny booked a show for himself at Swingos, running sound for Danny Lee's karaoke. Since I didn't want to go and be a 5th wheel with Timmy & Tina, they scrounged up a date for me - the Hot Mailman!! I was very excited to have a faux-date with Chris the Mailman (which is his full name - at least for me)!

Unfortunately, he was a perfect gentleman all evening, even after I suggested making out a little bit during the terrible opening performance. Ya know, not because I wanted to or anything, just more as a time-filler :) I don't mind him being my faux-boyfriend. I think I'm as close as he has to a faux-wife - I cook and feed him whenever he's around. He's a confirmed bachelor so I'm as good as he's going to get for a wife. Plus, he likes my boobs. I think those are the two most important things a faux-wife can offer.

Carlin was good and I saw Meggan, her sister Amy, Anastasia Diamond-Ortiz (her name is so great it must always be used in it's entirety) and her husband Emilio on the way into The Playhouse. It was very fun to see them, although I did forget to bring Anastasia Diamond-Ortiz's couch pillows - I found a large bag in the basement with them inside - one more thing to get rid of in the basement!

Today was very exciting garage-cleaning day. We got a lot accomplished and have quite a bit of stuff lined up for Planet Aid or the trash. I had thought of buying a shed for the backyard, but don't think we'll actually need one now that I've weeded out some of the crap I was hanging onto - for instance, a box of carwash rags. Like I'm ever going to do that again in the driveway. At least not here. Timmy tried to convince me to sell my bicycle, he is not optomistic that it will ever go to the park with me on it again. Especially with my non-park-going boyfriend. I'm not sure I'm ready to part with it just yet.

I spoke with my Aunt Carolyn today, I haven't talked to her in far too long. We have plans to go out for dinner next Sunday. Tomorrow we have Kenny's other grandmother's birthday (not Marge, Grandmother Helen). She's Kenny's real father's mother. Helen doesn't get around well at all, we haven't seen her since Christmas. She's very religious so we're taking her a cross I bought from The Vatican when I was in Rome. I think she'll really like it.

Meggan got her remodeling project all wrapped up. She had a new tub and a tile job installed, then put on a coat of fresh paint - she is really happy with the way it turned out. Meggan's promised to send before & after photos, which, by the way she had to get by using some sort of Pi calculation to triangulate the photo off of the reflection in the mirror because the bathroom was too tiny for a straight-on shot. And that's just one more reason I want to marry her.

Geri's "old" house finally got a For Sale sign up in the front yard. She has her first open house on Sunday, hope it goes well. Her "new" house finally got actual stairs in the basement so she's able to go down there. She refused when it was just a ladder leading into a "black hole," as she put it. She made Rusty draw her pictures of what it looked like down there to determine where to put the lights - she just wasn't participating in going down there without steps!

I'm getting a little anxiety lately, Rob is officially retiring from AG at the end of this month and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope without our mindless IM's throughout the day. We have a very strong IM relationship! Since he'll be home taking care of that baby, he won't have time to log-on from home; I will be completely adrift without my Rob-Rudder to steer my course. He's my Rodder. Wow, that's bad. But I'll leave it in anyway. Rob, there's still time to change your mind and let it all be about me!

Jill and I had to find out about Vicki getting a new job from John in the parking lot at work on our way back from lunch. She'll be working for Cocks guess that's Cox Cable. Have fun Vicki, and we hope to see you before you start there full-time!

Golf started for me a few weeks ago, it's been hard to get back in the swing of things - literally. My game is less than exciting at the moment, but hopefully it will straighten out before too much longer. I even bought a new stretching video to make me more "bendy" to hopefully help my game. So far, no luck.

Well, that's about it for this week. I didn't realize how many people actually read this weekly blather until I missed a posting last week - I'm not sure this was worth the wait.

Peace and have fun!

Sunday, May 6, 2007


I recently found this photo of Jill and me from my 20th year high school reunion we attended during the summer of '05. Wow, that's almost 2 years ago! We had SO MUCH fun at my reunion, in case the photo didn't allude to that. It was held at Michaud's Town & Country Club in Strongsville, where there's a number of party rooms that had weddings going on all over the place. We would find "dates," just random single guys, who took us into the receptions where we stayed for a bit, danced, got a free drink, had some cake, took a party favor, then moved on to another. We barely attended my own reunion, but we were there long enough for Jill to dirty-dance with a lesbian couple who announced their pending nuptials at the reunion. She gave them a bit of an ass-slapping on the dance floor and did some other gyrations which caused quite a stir. I hope the rumor with my high school is that I'm now a lesbian! At least I had a foxy "partner," and it's a much better rumor than the one that I had lost a leg in a car accident, which ran rampant at my 5th year reunion. I think everyone was shocked when I walked into my 10th on my own 2 feet. Anyway, I'd much rather have the gossip be that I'm a lesbian with a wild partner! If it's not going to be truthful, at least be titillating (Emily encourages the use of the word "titillating" as much as possible, so this one's for her).

The girls and I got together this past Friday for card night at Jill's. The conversation was OUT OF CONTROL and had me laughing so hard I was crying most of the evening. What a good outlet for stress - I hope everyone has a group of friends as fun as mine! I did ask Meggan to marry me as she's everything I am looking for in a wife: she bakes a great pie; she knows pi; she has nice cleavage; she knows that guys don't have pu....well....nevermind. That's an inside joke :) She turned me down, by the way, so for now I will retain my single status.
We had a full crowd for cards, with Chris Vargo getting out of the house and joining the festivities and Anastasia Diamond-Ortiz bringing her "plus one." She's pregnant with her first baby and looked fabulous! Additionally, her hair was super-soft, as soft as her dog Chloe O'Brien's fur - which is saying something. She's a librarian for the Cleveland library system and she's got this sexy stripper name, horned rimmed glasses and a whole "naughty librarian" vibe working for her. She also said she will read my friend Rob's book and give it a review - see, Rob, I work it for you every chance I get! Anastasia, the ISBN number is: 0-595-41488-5; recommend it for a book club or something! Rob is retiring in May and needs all the sales he can get.

The girls and I also warned Anastasia that she needs to be very cautious in naming her baby if it's a girl; with the last name of Diamond-Ortiz, the wrong first name could send that baby out of the womb in clear heels, swinging from a pole. Chiffon Diamond-Ortiz = stripper. Sparkles Diamond-Ortiz = stripper. I vowed to come up with a suitable list for her to choose from - I do feel like I should have some naming rights as that baby was most likely conceived on either the bed or the couch that Anastasia bought from me last fall. It's almost like I was there! How's that for a thought for you :)
I tend to lean towards pop-culture names, so my recommendation for a girl is Addison Isabella Diamond Ortiz or Sawyer Marshall Diamond Ortiz for a boy. I just made those up, they sound pretty good! Or you could go with Emelia for a girl, since your hubby is Emilo. That's pretty stinkin' cute, too! Well, whatever, I'd probably end up calling it The Small Baby or something like. Good luck and as always when someone's pregnant, "Better you than me." Ha!

Jill spent the evening reminiscing about high-school activities at Rajaland in Amherst. There really is a place called Rajaland, I googled it but could only come up with some fella's link about camping trips he's taken there in the 80's. Jill's reflections involved a bikini, a bag of Doritos and a boy. "Going to Rajaland" has been adopted as our new euphemism. We'll never eat Doritos in the same way again.

To explain a bit, the Doritos prompted a whole conversation because my snacks for card night were all purchased at the BP gas station on the way over to cards: Michelob Ultra, Doritos, and 2 bags of Twizzlers. It was a hillbilly feast! Hey, I was working late all week and had to do what I could.
Saturday morning Roger from First Impressions came over to see if he could fix my carpeting in my car. When I showed him the problem area he exclaimed, "Oh my God." I told him that wasn't really comforting as he is my only hope of getting it fixed. It really was that bad, though. He worked in the driveway for the better part of an hour, and I'm thrilled with the results:

In the top photo you can see the purplish-tint where the cleaner lifted the color; the bottom photo shows the near-perfect match of the dye. Roger's company is First Impressions, he does all types of interior repair including leather, vinyl, and of course carpet. He was inexpensive, and came to my home on a Saturday morning - how great is that!

I've got work to finish up before I go to bed tonight, so I'm logging off - although it was a very busy week and I could go on and on. But I won't or I'll never get to bed. I've got another 30 minutes or so of being insightful about greeting cards, so I can't use up all my words here. I did, however, finally get the pictures off the disk from the broken camera and have all sorts of fun shots from the cruise. Below are a few of them, one is for Rob because he said I never post of myself & Kenny. Which isn't true as I had one on there from Atlantic City, but this is a fun one of my crazy hair and cleavage.

Below are a few more from the trip. Can't wait to go again in September. Peace and be happy this week!