tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29249026359382224332024-03-13T11:48:55.489-04:00Partly Clowder With a Chance of CakeYou need to suspend judgement if you want to be in my world.Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.comBlogger860125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-21367351399932812542016-02-29T22:51:00.003-05:002016-02-29T23:07:33.593-05:00Leap<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Leap Day is now. For about another hour and a half. Which also signals the end of February, the month in which I made some plans, and while they weren't all played out as I had laid out at the beginning of the month, more things were accomplished than if I had made no plans at all. And that, Reader, is a check in the "win" column.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I had planned on writing some witty (humor me, it's only polite) little post to end this leap day month, however I follow a <a href="http://thislifeilive.com/one-last-kiss/" target="_blank">blog about real life stuff</a> and it was sad and has me bawling and anything flippant and nonsense-y I had planned just isn't there, because first of all, I'm crying over here, and second, just. no. Not now. I'm not a newscaster who can tell a horrific story and then leap with a smile and a haha into a story about a cute puppy. I mean, I like cute puppy stories, but not in the same breath as a horrific news event. A little space, that's all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">In some other news, just to keep you up-to-date with Bang Bang Homefront News, I've been working on a big presentation for My Mister for an appointment that he has tomorrow afternoon. Could be a Big Deal, so fingers crossed. A little bit of luck to pair up with the hard work would sure be welcomed. But really, we have no problems to speak of so whatever the outcome, we'll be okay. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Keep perspective, Reader, and faith in another good day for you and those you love. Sending it out to all of you from Chez Bang Bang.</span></div>
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-38673000347224333472016-02-22T23:34:00.001-05:002016-02-22T23:36:53.671-05:00Ketchup<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">To blame New York for my not reaching my goal of a blog-a-day seems fair, Reader. I couldn't keep up, I was working and then tired, and then we were delayed a whole entire day coming home due to weather, then some other stuff happened once I got home and the next thing ya know, it's now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So here we sit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I figure I'll give you some highlights, one for each of the days since the last day I posted. I think that's maybe 11 days ago, but I really don't know without checking and frankly that's just more effort than I am interested in putting forth right now so let's just go with 11 and call it fair. None of these items are in anyway related to each other, unless they are, and they might not even make sense out of context, but hey I never said I owed you 11 good highlights, did I? No, I did not. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">1. I spent hours and hours on Sunday cleaning my hardwood floors. They are a 4-stage process and a lot-lot-lot of work. The phases are: Sweeping. Vacuuming. Mopping. Polishing. I was exhausted by the end of all that, but the floors looked ah.mazing. And then I got up this morning and the cat had thrown up right on the shiny cleaned floor, as if to say "screw-you, Mama, that's where this goes, gaaak." I felt it was a little rude, quite frankly. Cats are assholes. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS84Kk1j2ny1MKvPZnubUhnt89Hk42MChVjnA8reSmJaWXutfCUZ8s18uPEhEZIpXMeBNAM3JDFzaKqgrtqLWTCEzB0J1pCy9UeC5nekGvQ2HQJhtbtfrbdsbaNtrUfkDkVqmPOw_tHqM/s1600/12715581_10208424610312112_9092059961515109864_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS84Kk1j2ny1MKvPZnubUhnt89Hk42MChVjnA8reSmJaWXutfCUZ8s18uPEhEZIpXMeBNAM3JDFzaKqgrtqLWTCEzB0J1pCy9UeC5nekGvQ2HQJhtbtfrbdsbaNtrUfkDkVqmPOw_tHqM/s320/12715581_10208424610312112_9092059961515109864_n.jpg" width="123" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">2. It was so cold in New York City during Valentine's weekend that my iPhone just shut the eff off right there in the middle of Times Square when I tried to take a picture. But we did manage to get this cold picture at some point, I had to cut my co-worker out of it because permissions and line-crossings, but yeah, it was cold. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">3. I'm sort of surprised at how long my hair has gotten, all of a sudden. It's like a teenage boy who just had an overnight growth spurt and now he's all long and lanky and his voice is crackly. Even my hairdresser/friendie commented on the whole all-of-a-sudden-long-hairedness. All I can attribute it to is that I've been on a morning green smoothie binge and adding in my <a href="http://www.juiceplus.com/content/JuicePlus/en.html?gclid=CKWRq8v-jMsCFUpZhgod9F0PSw" target="_blank">Juice Plus</a> nutritional capsules along with adding in my <a href="http://www.joebees.com/" target="_blank">Jobees bee pollen.</a> No, Reader, I'm not compensated in any way for that crap, it's just stuff I've had in my cabinets for a while because I go through intermittent healthy living spurts that never seem to stick long enough to become a habit, but we're trying again anyway. I'm merely point out, it's the only thing that I've been doing differently and suddenly my hair seems longer. I should be a Breck Girl. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">4. Hm...what else has happened?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">5. Yes, I'm counting that. And this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">6. While in New York, we had dessert from Carlo's Bake Shop, which was disappointing, but we were going back for seconds anyway, when I noticed a Crumbs cupcakery across the street. I bought 10 of them to take home and share with my coworkers (we were on our way to the airport at the time) but then our flight was cancelled so the cupcakes ended coming home with me the next day and never made it in to my coworkers. So basically I ate anywhere from 7 to 8 cupcakes (who's counting, really) myself, all while I'm trying to get ship-shape prior to my cruise in April. Substitute the word "trying" in that last sentence with "thinking about." Apparently. Very little trying is happening, unless eating cupcakes is a form of trying. Then I am trying very very hard. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">7. Far too many of my friendies - possibly including yourself, Reader - have been waylaid by some sort of malady this year. I mean, a lot. I spent a couple hours Saturday in the hospital visiting someone, and let me tell you, I was quite impressed at the hospital room. They've come a long way, Baby. It was spacious, private, and hi-tech. But enough already with the illnesses, Reader! You're going to turn my long hairs grey. I'm worried about all of you!! All of you lucky enough to not be afflicted with anything too woeful, practice a Gratitude Moment right now. You could have brain fluid leaking out of your nose (yes, that's a real thing that someone I love is going through). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">8. I'm revamping this blog! It's big news, Reader, and deserves more than #8, but consider this just a teaser, if you've made it this far. The Big Reveal and Redirect will be happing in the next couple of weeks. So yeah, I'm not just sitting around eating cupcakes as you may be led to believe. I'm TCB*ing over here. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">9. I haven't managed to get up early to work out at all. Not even one day. Not even early enough to sit and enjoy a cuppa coffee at the kitchen table before starting my day. Nothing extra has happened except for a few stretches as I'm getting dressed. Even I can't count that as a win, unless "win" gets redefined as not getting any worse. Hm. Maybe that <i>IS </i>a win after all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">10. Speaking of my longer hair, which has been prone to tangling up like a knotted hot mess underneath, to the point that my friendie had to cut a giant hunk out of the back of my head a couple of weeks ago, my hairdresser/friendie mentioned above gifted me with this brush, which has saved me from turning into a dreadlocked hipster with a big bald patch in the back of my head. Yep, that was a run-on sentence. Take a breath now. In your mind, because you're just silently reading this and I hope that doesn't leave you out of breath, or wow, we've got problems. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">11. I should have not made such a big commitment here with 11 things. Which sort of reminds me of a time when my exhusband challenged me to measure a spot on the wall for a new entertainment unit, so I grabbed the tape measure and got all cocky about it and took the measurement because he didn't think I knew how to measure. I mean, come on. Who can't measure?? But then we got to the store to buy one, and he asked me "So how big is the space?" and I said, "Eleven." "Eleven what?" "Just...Eleven. The tape measure stopped at the eleven." Needless to say, we didn't buy an entertainment unit that day. So yeah. Eleven. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>*It's an Elvis thing. Taking Care of Business. In a Flash. Catch up, Reader. </i></span></div>
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-8454091124572759772016-02-11T23:59:00.002-05:002016-02-12T00:09:08.157-05:00Cracked Under Pressure<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So we're not going to meet the goal of an entry a day. Guess what other goal we're not going to meet this month, Reader? I'll give you a hint, sounds like ~pulls on earlobe~ "shit gup ferly and twerk shout." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Yeah. So that apparently isn't going to happen while it's 62 cold degrees in my house at 6 a.m. That's the reason. The only thing stopping me from success. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Of course, I could program the thermostat to kick in around 5:30 a.m., but it's tricky and would require me to read small print and stuff, so I'll just wait til it warms up outside. Or something.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I say "or something" because my friendie and I finally officially booked our yearly trip, and I have a scant few weeks to get bikini-ready*. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I'd been doing suck-ins like crazy, but between you and me, I don't think they were really doing much good. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I know, I'm surprised, too! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I really thought we were on to something, Reader, and had stumbled upon the next fitness craze. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The only thing that happened for sure was my jeans were tighter in the waist, and I think I gained two pounds, but I attributed that to "muscle weighs more than fat" but I'm starting to think it was just too many cakes. I mean, I had baked a cake from scratch during Cakecrastination Sunday a couple of weeks back, and while I ate almost the entire thing over the course of several days ... ahem.... I mean, those calories were spaced out. You'd think that the careful spacing would make them airier and lighter and almost like they weren't even there, like they'd float up into the atmosphere or something. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">That's what I thought might happen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Instead my pants were just a tich uncomfortably snug. And by a tich I mean, "for the love of cake, I can't wait to get these off!" and when I finally did get the blessed relief of de-pantsing myself at home, I noticed the seams in the butt were a little on the "pulled thin" side and were just about one big suck-in away from splitting wide open. It's a good thing I had stopped exercising by then, Reader. It's a good thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All that pants tightness went at the same place as <i>The Most Embarrassing Story in the History of Stories, </i>of which still only a select few know about, and of which I am of the belief that I may have a Superbowl Peyton Manning Curse on me, so it's a good thing he's retiring. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If you're wondering just how good this story could be, it's so damn good I almost killed someone, that's how good. With laughter, Reader. And I thought you could only kill someone with kindness. To quote: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;">"I laughed so hard, <span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; line-height: 10.72px;">I was out of control, to the point that it was a little scary actually, In </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; line-height: 10.72px;">terms of breathing. I think it may be the funniest thing I ever heard."</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; line-height: 10.72px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So I'm officially saving that for <i>Trixie Bang Bang: The Awkward Years (aka her whole entire life. so far.)</i>, my ebook which has a slim likelihood of ever becoming a reality because frankly I just can't seem to make the time for it, and by the way that's just a made-up-right-now title, so keep your suggestions to yourself unless they are super-good, then send them over. But they had better be really good, Reader. Don't half-ass it for me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Whew. Okay. I got this one out right before midnight, so I have to wrap this up and hit publish or it will look like I didn't post. And I am, so suck it, Time Stamp.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>*bikini-ready really comes down to drinking a lot while I'm in my bathing suit so I end up giving very little fucks what anyone thinks about things. </i></span>Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-60186370568960548502016-02-09T22:34:00.001-05:002016-02-09T22:34:10.190-05:00Got Milk? <div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigp7MUq1ZV7fGgCnc8YVVVBDkxNmSsUf5vym-XHUYBzM0z6dqQi2Fe_ljHSlpgTzTAEj8XU92Zwv7iuWonhIOBGEWs1ux1W7zPT-Kkna9nP9JbhQmnGU5SZpVx0ksb8yh-aljE2axhJXo/s1600/12654469_1098995546809878_1344737777578703071_n.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigp7MUq1ZV7fGgCnc8YVVVBDkxNmSsUf5vym-XHUYBzM0z6dqQi2Fe_ljHSlpgTzTAEj8XU92Zwv7iuWonhIOBGEWs1ux1W7zPT-Kkna9nP9JbhQmnGU5SZpVx0ksb8yh-aljE2axhJXo/s400/12654469_1098995546809878_1344737777578703071_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We had a baby today, Reader. By "we" I mean someone else's vagina and my heart. The way it should be, because let's face facts, I've always been a sleeper. Sometimes after a hard day, looking at my bed can make me as happy as looking at this face. Like in about 15 minutes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I have a rather small family, so any time another member is added is a good day. Great-Auntie Trixie Bang Bang is excited to have you here, and only wishes she was where you are right now. I'd like to smooch that face, but alas he is out of state on an Air Force base. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Instead I'm eating sopapilla cheesecake, hot out of the oven, and it's a bowl of cinnamony goodness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">After our little boy was born I asked the Mama what else she still needed. So I ordered it on Amazon, because it'll be there in 2 days. I was recounting the story that I had just bought Mama a "milker thing." So yeah. A milker thing, said the Childless Aunt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The milker thing was almost $300 for a decent one, which just felt wrong, but in the name of boobies and babies, I bought it. I mean, that's a plane ticket, which is much more fun to have than a milker, as long as it's going some place exciting and not to someplace where you'd be getting milked against your will, like maybe Tijuana. I image all sorts of bad things happening there, with donkeys and such. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That's the Tuesday Night news. Welcome to the world, Little Fella. </span></div>
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-84427078356428001182016-02-08T22:04:00.003-05:002016-02-08T22:04:57.795-05:00Crooked Boundaries Are Still Boundaries <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It's not always me, Reader. It's usually me, but we can't just jump to that conclusion all the time. It would be impolite, and we are all about manners here. Right? Right. Now excuse me, I have to adjust my vagina. </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">(see how polite that was? because l.a.d.y.) </i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I started off February and really wanted to have words every day. But then some days just get away from me due to <strike>excessive napping </strike>a busy to do list. Superbowl Sunday was one of those days. So here we are a day behind again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I got up at the god-awful-early hour of 11 a.m. It was still MORNING, Judgy McJudgerPants. Made a very unfortunate breakfast, where nothing really lived up to the word "good" except the scrambled eggs, which were nice, but certainly didn't justify the ridiculous amount of dirty dishes that breakfast created. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">After all that wasted effort, I needed a nap. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The cats agreed. They're good that way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So we laid back down, still in my new, warm and fuzzy pajammies and canoodled with mah kittehs for a few more hours. Yes, HOURS. Because all the cooking made us tired. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then we had a Superbowl party to attend.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The stage was completely reset for a repeat performance of the Superbowl Party of 2014 at the same residence, in which Peyton Manning was also playing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That was the Superbowl Party that shall forever go down in <span style="color: orange;"><b>Bang Bang History </b></span>as the<i> Most Awkwardly Embarrassing Party Ever in the History of Parties. </i>That is the official title of the Superbowl Party of 2014. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A few very fortunate Readers have heard the story. And they beg for it again and again when we're sitting around campfires, making s'mores and telling tales. This is the one they all want to hear: <i>Trixie's Most Awkwardly Embarrassing Party Ever in the History of Parties.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You'd probably like to hear it, too, huh Reader. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, this is going to come as a shock to you - take a seat - but there are some stories that just haven't been shared here yet and are not teed up to do it anytime soon, either. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Because see the top of this post (l.a.d.y.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When this story comes out it'll be something you need to pay for Reader. Trust me, it'll be worth your 99cents. I mean, I might as well make $12 off this story, am-i-right? <br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Humiliation has to have some value. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-2044105075408596672016-02-07T00:02:00.002-05:002016-02-07T00:03:12.282-05:00You've Got a Friend<span style="font-size: large;">I can't make this shit up, Reader. Just when my original <a href="http://www.tracyes.blogspot.com/2016/01/connect-dots.html" target="_blank">Nose Dot </a>was a whisper of a shadow of it's former self, a new dot popped up to replace it. Not in the exact same spot, it moved a little more towards the center so there's a better chance everyone will notice. It didn't want to accidentally be overlooked. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Reader. For two weeks now I've been drinking kale smoothies or fruit smoothies with a whole ka-bam's worth of anti-oxidents, as well as added <a href="http://www.juiceplus.com/content/JuicePlus/en.html?gclid=CPaw7vHu5MoCFQ1bhgodANYKoA" target="_blank">Juice Plus</a> vitamins AND a dose of <a href="http://www.joebees.com/" target="_blank">Jobees Bee Pollen</a> for good measure. With all that coursing through my system how could I possibly have any thing bad in my dermis that needs to rise to the top?? How?? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm officially a middle-aged crazy with the skin of a pubescent teen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Lucky me. I curse you, Nose-Cancer Karma. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Will cursing Karma actually net you more bad karma? Or will it cancel it out, like in math, where two negatives make a positive? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I guess these are the things I should find out about Karma before I go around cursing it. </span><br />
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-88935780833831679862016-02-06T23:34:00.002-05:002016-02-06T23:34:35.286-05:00Pretend It's Yesterday. <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is Walter. Walter WhiteEars. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Big fluffy belly on Wally = Cute.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Big fluffy belly on Mama = Not Cute.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I've been doing suck-in's like crazy, Reader. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This working out is hard stuff.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I sucked it in when I was eating tiramisu last night with my friendie late into the evening. A fitness freak like myself never stops, ya know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMaWiRhzCu4oL_qrjeCj2dsuguC0YsC-9bpLPsFm3ROonA1nIBv-C6e4iruikrOn3taXaR9cEI6VFSco8eTNplIQqm13WopOjapeJpbH_Uy5Hbu8uJJMj_RmtpODfGxu3Ysi_qvo2rldY/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25286%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMaWiRhzCu4oL_qrjeCj2dsuguC0YsC-9bpLPsFm3ROonA1nIBv-C6e4iruikrOn3taXaR9cEI6VFSco8eTNplIQqm13WopOjapeJpbH_Uy5Hbu8uJJMj_RmtpODfGxu3Ysi_qvo2rldY/s400/FullSizeRender+%25286%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So that was last night. Now you know.</span>Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-82243012969830012242016-02-04T23:27:00.002-05:002016-02-04T23:27:31.961-05:00Fitness Crazy<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Enjoying a late dinner with My Mister tonight, I was trying to eat a rice dish with chopsticks. Which is frankly a ridiculous feat, Reader. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I was trying to be fancy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Instead, my rice dish was tasting like wood. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That is, the teensy small mouthfuls I could shovel into my cakehole. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Me:</b> "Ya know, the Chinese are awfully smart."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Him:</b> "Yep."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Me:</b> "So why couldn't they invent chopscoops?? Why work so hard to grasp a teensy piece of rice? I've got things to do, I can't sit here and <strike>drink</strike> eat all night."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I mean, it would have been nice to be able to sit there all night, I was enjoying my Butterfinger Martini, but I had to get home and finish up my job, which is in progress right now on another screen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I'm a true multi-tasker, Reader. I'm petting a cat with my foot, too. So now don't you feel one-dimensional? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You probably don't, and actually shouldn't, because this is really nothing to brag about. But I did commit to writing every dern night here and I'll be dag-nabbed if I fail so soon into the month. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Hey, I never said it was going to be quality, Reader. Quantity is all I promised. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A wholelotta me. You're welcome.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In other news, I booked my yearly girlie-friendie trip yesterday and so I began my workout routine last night. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I did some suck-ins. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It's a new routine I am going to patent, which I'm certain will evolve into an entire franchise complete with my starring in fitness videos and designing workout clothing, which will all basically double as pajamas. Watch out, <a href="http://shop.lululemon.com/home.jsp?k_clickid=feab6e14-3045-4065-813a-0acd25b8e3a5&k_trackingid=11x20422&cid=Google&gclid=CPbyo83g38oCFYUWHwodCcAK-A">Lululemon</a>. MooMooTrixie is fast on your heals. I just need to find a few more routines to add to the suck-ins and it will be set for launch. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">If you want to begin trying them at home yourself, it goes a little something like this:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Basically, you suck in your stomach to the count of ten (or three, whatever you can do, we are a safe zone, no judging</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">) while you're brushing your teeth or laying in bed watching t.v., and count it as exercise. Do a few reps. Count and hold. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">This morning I stepped up my suck-in routine since last night's was so successful and I actually sucked in, held to a count of ten (or something, I sort of lost count, it was BC*) while bending over to feed the cats. So it's practically like I did a Crossfit workout right here at home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In fact, I'm doing my suck-ins RIGHT NOW, so add that to my multi-tasking routine. Whew! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I'll keep you posted as I add additional routines to the mix. We may need to start a workout cycle together, and we can motivate each other with YOU SUCK badges, with the more YOU SUCK badges you collect earning you a slice of cake at the end of the week. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I haven't worked out the specifics, because frankly I'm making up the rules RIGHT NOW (more multi-tasking!), but you had better believe when I really sit down and <strike>drink</strike> think, this is going to be EPIC. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Or I will suck myself into a herniated something in my innards. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That's a clear possibility. I think. I'm not an official doctor, unless you count self-diagnosing Web MD. I mean, I almost diagnosed my skin cancer that was just a rash. I'm practically certified (crazy). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And on that note, my day here is done. Sleep tight. And by tight, I mean from doing your suck-ins. Get started or you'll be envying my bikini body this summer and wishing you had sucked along with me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>*Before Coffee</i></span></div>
Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-42108726164155977472016-02-03T23:01:00.000-05:002016-02-03T23:05:44.784-05:00It's Not Just About Glass<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In my job, which I don't talk about here in any length because boundaries, I get to do some cool-to-me stuff. I get to find products and offer them up to my customers and sometimes I make really cool connections with things that I love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Basically anything that does a little good in the world gets to me. Because there is so so much that can be bad (ISIS, anyone?), that I love the daily reminders that there is good things and good people around every corner, and not just bad people who want to chop you up. Thanks for all the mistrust, Forensic Files. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In my Dream Life, I'd love to create something that gave back to people/the world/the earth/the animals. I'd love to be the founder of something awesome. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But the reality is I can barely keep up with keeping my clowder of cats in check and poop off the floor (from said clowder, not from me), so I think this is part of the Dream Life in which I am also an early riser, a healthy eater who can say, "No, thank you" to cake, and someone who just loves to exercise and can't wait to get out of bed to do it. You know, that Dream Me which just doesn't exist at all, but likes to think about it a lot because it's aspirational, but not probable. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All those ideals are things I embrace wholeheartedly. In my mind. Then I have another bite of cake, settle in for reruns of tv, and cuddle up with my kittehs thinking about the good we might do one day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So basically, you have to recognize your limits, Reader. Know what you're good at and do more of that, instead of trying to always change your weaker points. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I'm good at finding some cool stuff. And sharing that cool stuff. And talking about that cool stuff. And getting excited about that cool stuff. And telling my friends about that cool stuff, where my voice gets high-pitched and even squeakier because I'm so excited, and then they catch my excitement, too. And hopefully that is how I contribute, by getting others excited about it, and we all support the programs and it's basically a win-win-win and I didn't have to get up at 5 a.m. to do sit-ups, like in that ridiculous Dream Life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Here's what I'm sharing with you tonight, Reader. I'm launching this product on my work website, to bring awareness to this cool product, inspire people to gift it for themselves or someone they heart, people get happy and say, "That Trixie, she's something else!" and not in the bad way, with the shameful, embarrassed headshake that I'm accustomed to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This is what I love today:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Maybe you will, too. </span></div>
Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-68102059152673938222016-02-02T22:10:00.001-05:002016-02-02T22:10:23.663-05:00Some Things Change<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So February. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I created some goals for myself and ol' February. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Hung a calendar on the pantry door so my progress was in my face from where I sit at the table and eff off on the computer, aka writing nonsense here, checking Facebook incessantly, checking email incessantly, reading news, reading non-news....just generally entertaining myself instead of doing active things. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now the calendar's in my face, reminding me that I said a goal out loud to go to the gym sometimes this month. I wasn't more specific than that, so I'm not falling behind at all, and it did inspire me to consider it after eating dinner tonight (which just ended). Instead I sit here meeting my other February goal of blogging every single day this month, to get my rusty brain some exercise since the rest of me is falling to shit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I thought maybe just maybe I could do the "get up early" thing, but so far that has not been met with success. FYI, Reader, it's cold at Chez Bang Bang in the morning, because the homeowner keeps the house at 62 degrees throughout the night. Because she she has a clowder to keep her warm. And possibly the beginning stages of hot flashes, but that really seems ridiculously early at 39. Ahem.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Anyway, I've got some other goals on my to-do list this month, and one of it includes a little revamp of this site. Big-a things are a-happening. Maybe. If I can get it together. And make time to learn some stuff. And regain some creativity. It's touch-and-go sometimes. What I'm saying is, I'm not making any guarantees. But I do have a big creative brain on my side, so there's a strong possibility something will take place here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So Reader, while this is a rather blah entry, I still get to count it and I'll leave you with this smooch, since it's Valentine's Day month. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Love is Love, after all. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-46988223367357280512016-02-01T22:24:00.002-05:002016-02-01T22:31:48.708-05:00Shame on Me.<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Pinterest is, once again, a lying asshole. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">When will I learn, Reader? Overlooking the bajillion other times I've tried and failed at an easy-peasy Pinterest project, the most recent one is still fresh enough in my memory that one would think I would steer clear. One would think. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Just a month or so ago I had Big Plans to create this for a baby shower I was hosting for my nephew's little bambino that's due to arrive this month:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Mgft4T5L0ZzthbYKxhqLBppYcKsRbesZ8Mxg8l4hlfTH3H91EQQRfHBKh2AfjGI-Mw8Aazg2xRf6AS4iG3LVMFdexbjReLhW5W0Uq1LJI-DY2sqKn0KGmO5JcDnCyp8C1Gi6XntFJ90/s1600/baby+shower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Mgft4T5L0ZzthbYKxhqLBppYcKsRbesZ8Mxg8l4hlfTH3H91EQQRfHBKh2AfjGI-Mw8Aazg2xRf6AS4iG3LVMFdexbjReLhW5W0Uq1LJI-DY2sqKn0KGmO5JcDnCyp8C1Gi6XntFJ90/s400/baby+shower.jpg" width="286" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Pretty, huh? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Yes, it is. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Really pretty.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I had no doubt I could achieve this very same effect at Chez Bang Bang with enough tissue paper and elevated food stands. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I spent don't-even-ask-how-much, as well as hours off of my lifespan from trips to Walmart, for tissue paper to create these little hanging poms of festive. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then I worked til the WEE HOURS of the morn, Reader, accordion-folding and cutting and taping string, to the point that it was just flat-out ridiculous and I finally wised up and realized I was going to have to supplement my pom's with some pre-mades from Amazon if I was going to get these made before the babies tenth birthday.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So yeah. More money spent. Thanks again, Pinterest. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All that effort and several blisters later, and tah-dah! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Chez Bang Bang looked EXACTLY LIKE the Pinterest photo. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So when something as simple as taco night presented the opportunity to show off yet another little life hack learned on Pinterest, it's no wonder I latched right on. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I had recalled the most easy, makes-sense-outta-the-world way to fill your taco shell, a little tip I'd seen on my friend Pinterest. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Ya just take a fork, and hold the shell with the tines, like so, and fill your taco like a pro:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Of course I tried this. Or course I did! Because I'm Pinterest's bitch.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Guess what actually happens with this little method, Reader? Hard crunchy shell being forced between some tines? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Taco Shell Sandwich is what happens, Reader. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Because it breaks right in two, pretty quickly in fact, and actually made the taco easier to eat in sandwich format. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But the important part of this whole question is this: Why? Why would </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">#1/ Anyone think that filling a taco is so difficult that a "hack" had to be created for the process and </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">#2/ Why would a mediumly-educated grown woman (ahem. Me.) feel the need to improve on the taco filling process to the extent that I a.) read about it, b.) took up space in my brain remembering it and c:) actually put it into practice? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">These are the questions that will haunt me at night. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And oh, by the way, Pinterest, <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgndgbgvZ7WlfOtQuqZwlLf1sofdNCljLPPoduoaBggzRYZuc_Oqo63Vv_wIk8r1GEgovswAxsgLgMAKeXxnAC-cUYN9jJ9HBA69vs4e1QzBofSNZNiFguchTX_lQ6Kf7pXRHnNKFS4S0I/s1600/crayons.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgndgbgvZ7WlfOtQuqZwlLf1sofdNCljLPPoduoaBggzRYZuc_Oqo63Vv_wIk8r1GEgovswAxsgLgMAKeXxnAC-cUYN9jJ9HBA69vs4e1QzBofSNZNiFguchTX_lQ6Kf7pXRHnNKFS4S0I/s320/crayons.jpg" width="299" /></a>but NOBODY wants to color with them. No one is excited about their box of broken crayons. Everyone wants the new 152 piece set, perfectly sharpened tips in their little box - we're all reaching for unbroken Cerulean Blue. So if you're going to try to motivate me, try a little harder. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Fucker. </span></div>
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-12420041233441139072016-01-31T15:21:00.003-05:002016-01-31T15:28:03.102-05:00Code Word: Trampoline<span style="font-size: large;">The following conversation took place yesterday on the way to the mall, where I was headed to buy my very first grown-up set of cookware. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One would think that with a couple of marriages under my belt I, at some point, would have owned nice pots & pans, but you'd be wrong, Reader. My first brief marriage netted me very little other than a nice picture of my parents and some general mistrust. Not enough mistrust, apparently, because see marriage two. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Marriage two netted me even less, since we eloped to Vegas, and the only thing I really have left of that is a set of 20-year old Corelle dinnerware that just won't break no matter how badly I'd like to have a reason to get rid of it and a heaping dose of "never again." And the sad collection of mish-mash cookware that I've been using for those same twenty-plus years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Part of my sad set began burning everything on the bottom of the pot and I was getting the reputation of Bad Cook, and I don't need any more reputations, Reader. I recently threw it right in the garbage rather than try to scour out the shame of bad cooking one more time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That left me with a couple of fry pans with hooped-up middles, to which all the food in the pan would fall to the edges, and a second pot that I'm sure has been leaching cancers into my boobies because of the scratched up Teflon bottom. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So for the sake of my boobies and my reputation, it was time to own the fact that I'm not going to have an occasion to create a fancy gift registry any time soon, wherein YOU could be buying my fancy cookware for me, Reader, and instead I saved myself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I considered creating a Go Fund Me page*, because that seems to be what everyone does nowadays. It's apparently the polite way to be a panhandler, without the shame associated with asking other people for their money to fund your wants and needs. It's sort of magical, and I wish I had thought of it when I needed gutters to wick away excessive moisture from Chez Bang Bang, but I did that the old fashioned way and bought them myself on a credit card. Silly Trixie.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have bigger dreams, though, and I'm going to save my Go Fund Me ask for a backyard makeover, I believe, and ask everyone I know <i>and</i> complete strangers to donate for a pool and a hot tub because I suffer from arthritis, so I need both for <i>medical reasons</i>, not just so I have some place to float around while I swig Jack & Cokes and generate more freckles. Feel free to send me twenties whenever you wish, Reader, and I will happily stash them in my Arthritis Fun. d. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But that's not the point of this. I can't keep me on track some days, Reader. But maybe that is the point of this, because the whole question I pondered with My Mister was sort of driven from my aching knees, both of which were really acting like assholes yesterday and made me say "ouchie" a few times, so send your checks to Chez Bang Bang stat. They still hurt today, by the way, if that hastens your check sending at all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Okay, Reader, I've jump tracked enough already. Sheesh. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So the conversation started like this:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TrixieBB: "Now, I fully expect you to say NO and in fact it's your job to say NO, but I need to put the question out there anyway, it's my way of working through the feasibility of the scenario." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MM: "NO." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TBB: "But I didn't pose the question yet."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MM: "Let's skip the rhetoric and get right to the answer. NO." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TBB: "That's not how this works. You're going to entertain my question and act attentive and give me some valid rationale for the NO."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Reader, that's the polite way of recounting what actually was said, I'm sure some fuck-yous were in there, too. That's our love language. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TBB: "I've been thinking about joining that new gym, I heard they have a pool and a sauna and a jacuzzi, and I think that would be good for me to go swim around. I'm told they open early and I could go before work."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MM: well, he couldn't get any words out because of the laughing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TBB: "Stop the fuck laughing! I think if there was a pool dangling on the stick I could get up in the morning and go!" </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MM: - in between guffaws - "I'll tell you what. Just get up in the morning for a week first."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TBB: "Oh, good idea, so you're saying to just get up in the morning for a week and go to the gym I already belong to and see how that works out first, before spending $30/month on another gym." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MM: "Nope. I'm saying to just get up early for a week first before even considering joining the gym with the pool."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TBB: "Oh, right, so what you're saying is to get up for a week at home, and go do my pilates machine that I had to buy that's been sitting unused for a year now upstairs, see how that goes before I join another gym. Good thinking." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MM: "Nope. I'm saying to JUST GET UP EARLY for a week. Don't even try to do anything more than that, other than getting up earlier than you do now. See how Morning Girl likes that."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TBB: "This isn't very supportive of my trying to establish better healthy habits for the new year, and maybe Morning Girl can change her lazy lazy ways!" </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MM: "No? Well, I have one word for you: Trampoline."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yep, he played the Trampoline Card. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Wondering what the Trampoline Card is, huh. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was the blizzard of 2014. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I came home one evening and INSISTED, complete with a stomp and a fit, that we drive in the blizzard to the nearest Dicks store so I could buy a personal trampoline, known today by the hoity workout society as "rebounder" so I could get in shape. It was the only thing preventing me from not achieving optimum cardiovascular health, and it would be a way to have fun while getting in shape. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We trudged out through the sleet and cold, and were the only folks at Dicks that night except for the poor schulb who had to wait on us. I laid out sixty large for a rebounder - all without a Go Fund Me - and brought my trampoline home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Screwed on the legs. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Took about two hops. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Lost balance.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Narrowly missed falling into tv.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Reallocated rebounder to basement.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Haven't been on it since. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: large;">It made me wobbly, Reader!<br />I could have killed myself!!<br />It's basically a legalized death-trap disguised as heathy habits!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So yeah. I couldn't say for certain that the early-morning swim idea would fair better than the Trampoline, so I have not pursued the notion further. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I think a good place to start is to see if Morning Girl actually can get out of bed an hour earlier than normal. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Which is a good place to start, because as part of my 2016 resolutions, I'm going to use the month of February as a blogging challenge to myself (because it's the shortest month, Reader, and I'm aiming low for better chances of success), to share something here every damn day, whether you like it or not, because my creative brain is rusty.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In case you couldn't tell.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This story was like pulling teeth. And not just so you can't identify the body.*</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">*That last sentence doesn't really make sense, but I'm leaving it in here anyway, because the last thing I watched on tv last night was a Forensic Files where the man killed his baby mama, skinned her and chopped up her body in the bathtub and pulled out all of her teeth by the roots so the remains couldn't be identified before he casually threw her skull into a pond. Then the skull was caught on some fishing line by two kids trying to catch fish, and the only way it was identified as the missing gal was because the guy removed all of her teeth except for two wisdom teeth which hadn't come down from the gumline yet. So they were able to extract her DNA from the root and nab the bad guy. The moral of this story is that what you don't see will get ya sometimes. And don't chop someone up because you will get caught. Probably. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">**Send your<span style="color: purple;"> Fund Trixie Bang Bang's Pool & Spa</span> checks to TBB @ chez bang bang. I may create levels of funding, where if you contribute enough you can come and spa with me and Jack Daniels. Naked. Depending upon the size of the donation. And the amount of Jack Daniels. Trust me, you'll need it. </span></div>
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-92225354380581658962016-01-30T13:06:00.000-05:002016-01-30T13:53:24.997-05:00Eye On The Sky<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis_6Sg8MFNS-wLxlWHMM5tQtjCYm-JX27E-YEc3pMlA-jF5MUVvv98yi3_s0zwJgzDXSh_TKK_A8OBp-FnyA4lGYOrv7wXIvHfORIrQ7vg_dNvhH3YTdYPd07TGiElVluiSSFofcbQfV4/s1600/sky.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis_6Sg8MFNS-wLxlWHMM5tQtjCYm-JX27E-YEc3pMlA-jF5MUVvv98yi3_s0zwJgzDXSh_TKK_A8OBp-FnyA4lGYOrv7wXIvHfORIrQ7vg_dNvhH3YTdYPd07TGiElVluiSSFofcbQfV4/s320/sky.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Good Day, Reader! I was going to say "morning," but it's already 12:45 p.m., and no, I didn't just get up, sheesh. And then you may be reading this at night, so it wouldn't make sense, so back to the first part, Good Day! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I stepped out on my deck to get a breath of fresh air and look at my pretty pretty backyard and I heard the strangest animal sound coming from the trees.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was looking all around to find what curious little critter could be making that noise and finally determined that it was actually the tree branches rubbing against each other as they swayed in the breeze. Then I felt a little dumb for a second, because I almost threw breadcrumbs out there for whatever it was making the cute little chattering sounds. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Instead I did a little Nell reenactment, from that Jody Foster movie of the same name and stretched my arms out overhead and did a little "tay in the wind." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UJtbgI0YsLM" width="560"></iframe></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maybe we should all do more tay in the wind, because it made me look up and see the prettiest Cleveland-Winter sky, all blue and white and bright today and that made me happy. When I wasn't feeling a tich like a crazy person, that is. Acting & Crazy Person is really just a fine line definition. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">So basically look up once is a while, is the point of this public service announcement. Because sometimes we get all hunkered down in what's happening at eye-level, with all the screens at our fingertips, and we forget to look up and see the pretty around us. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">On that note, I'm going to grab my sneakies and go for a walk along the t<a href="http://www.ohiobikeways.net/erietowpath.htm" target="_blank">owpath</a>. But I will not be doing Nell while out in public because someone will lasso me and have me hospitalized. Or I'll be discovered by a famous movie producer who is also out for a walk at the exact same time as me and I will be whisked away to Hollywood tonight. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't have time for any of that, because I'm making caramel sauce out of condensed milk in my crockpot today. I have a sexy date this evening with myself and a little salted caramel something I will make later this afternoon. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Come over.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">We can have sexy caramel date night sauce together. There's enough for sharing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maybe.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Unless it's super-delicious. Then I can't make any promises. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-32456536245773179932016-01-20T22:37:00.000-05:002016-01-20T22:38:19.435-05:00Doctor In the House<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This morning while I was putting on my makeup I spilled a half of a weensy container of greenish eye pigment on myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It spilled right out of the container because Smarty Pants Me removed the little plastic powder-holder-inner thingie that has holes in it so you can shake just a tich of it out at a time. Because I couldn't get it to shake out, and then I realized it had a clear cover over the holes, but I couldn't get it off. So I worked like a sumbitch to get that plastic spill-preventer removed with a pair of tweezers and toe-nail clippers. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was like a doctor, with all my necessary tools for make-up surgery right at my fingertips in the bathroom cabinet drawer. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It wasn't until after I had the plastic powder holder thingie removed that I realized the great need for such device. Because that pigment powder is filled quite to the top in that weensy little container, and it doesn't take much of a nudge to get it to slosh out. And if you know anything about pigment makeup, you know that it takes very little to get the color applied, and it lasts and lasts and lasts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Usually I'm rather careful, but this morning I nudged it with a jerky hand motion for some reason, and the next thing I was wearing greenish pigment from tit to twat. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"Did I have to change clothes?", you're wondering. Well, luckily I apply my makeup naked. I know that's a visual you can't un-visualize right now, and for that I apologize a little. Not a full-hearted apology, though, I'm not that sorry. But please in your visual make me look better than the reality. Go with Kate Upton, only less tan. You'll be happier that way. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So Naked Kate Upton-Me sat on the closed-toilet and looked down at the debacle that had landed all over herself. There was no time for a re-shower. So I got out a washcloth and started to wipe it all down, but it just became smeary and then looked like I was black & blue all over my torso, twat, and leg. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And the only thought I had? "I'd better get this off, because if I get in an accident they will spend far far far too much time trying to figure out all this bruising." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was a pigment-smeared sight, I tell you. I grabbed some makeup remover towelettes and re-bathed myself, but it still didn't come off all that well, so I do look bruised-ish in my birthday suit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So what we've learned is:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Clean underwear isn't the only thing you have to worry about in a potential car accident</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Always apply your makeup naked, because it's better to brush off your twat than have to change an entire outfit</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Don't do surgery on your makeup containers, the experts built 'em that way for a reason</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.youniqueproducts.com/products/view/US-31001-01#.VqBSNoT_6LU" target="_blank">Younique </a>makes the hell out of pigment eyeshadow</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Naked Kate Upton-Me looks fan-fucking-tastic, even with a bluish-greenish bruise all over her bod</span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I did not document this morning's mishap in photos. You're welcome. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-62312881648561172442016-01-16T14:03:00.001-05:002016-01-16T14:03:42.035-05:00Super Duper. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">"Hi, Reader," says NoseyDot Me, not to be confused with Nosey Dot the Cat.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Nosey Dot the Cat </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">NoseyDot Me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It wanted to say hi before it completely disappears, which I am happy to report is finally on it's way outta town. I can't say I'm gonna miss my little friend, either. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In other news, I'm really rather surprised at myself for putting no-make-up-faced, recently-outta-bed me on the internets for all the world to make fun of and create mean memes with, should someone so desire. I guess enough bra-less trips to Walmart helped me lose my inhibitions. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Plus, I'm not so vain that I think anyone gives enough of a shit about my appearance to be gawking over it. If anything, you can take pride that your complexion is more even, eyebrows are darker, cheekbones are more defined, blah blah blah, and so I'm really an<i> inspiration.</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I may be on the docket for sainthood with enough naked-faced photos. Is that how sainthood works?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I think it also has something to do with miracles, and I should be given credit for several.</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The fortitude to sleep twelve hours and still go back to bed at a reasonable hour <i><b>the same night!</b></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A natural immunity to every different type of cat furs, evidenced by the ability to bury my face in a multitude of different cat furs and <i><b>not sneeze</b></i>!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The power to eat cake for breakfast, and then eat cake after dinner<b><i> the same day</i></b>!</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In retrospect, these probably aren't<i> miracles</i> as much as they are <i>superpowers</i> so basically I'm a Superhero. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Marvel, I'm ready for my movie. And my costume. And you can even give my NoseyDots a role, both the cat and the pimple. This script is practically writing itself. In my head. </span></div>
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-14389452277070074102016-01-10T20:48:00.004-05:002016-01-10T20:48:44.408-05:00Resolving.ish. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Already Sunday evening. How does the weekend just zing by so quickly? And it's now 10 days in to the new year and I have yet to officially write down my personal goals, so very little is getting accomplished towards them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I did succumb to the whole "<a href="http://myoneword.org/" target="_blank">Pick a Word for the Year</a>" challenge that seems to be a thing to do. I've read blogs where folks do this and it seems interesting/inspiring and so I figured why not. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, you can get even more confused <a href="http://thebloggess.com/2016/01/simple-oneword2016/" target="_blank">here</a>. It's basically a #oneword2016 challenge where you choose a word that represents your main focus for the year. My natural instinct was to choose the word "CAKE" but then that didn't seem like a word that would move anything forward except the needle on the scale and the size of my pants, so I abandoned that even though it made me whimper just a little. Because no one likes to abandon cake. And if you do like abandoning cake, you have greater problems then picking a focus word for 2016, because that's borderline crazy talk. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">My next word thought was "CATS," but then that's nothing new, and for cryin'-out-loud what would my goals be around that word? To cuddle more? That actually does sound like an enjoyable focus word, especially when there's a whole lotta this going on around Chez Bang Bang on a cold January Sunday:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Let's face facts, that is some rather irresistible catting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Which is probably why I still don't have my personal goals written in my fancy-dancy notebook, there's laundry that needs to be put away, I have to finesse my work goals for a Tuesday presentation, it would be nice to chat up my daddio sometime tonight, bills need a-paying, and I've gotta get ma shit ready for a quickie trippie to Vegas that starts on Tuesday afternoon. Because all that went on around here and I helped them with it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I still have all those little tasks to do and it's well into the p.m. portion of Sunday, and basically I'm going to go grab a snack and sit and watch the t.v. Because you have to ease into these resolutions, Reader. Don't want to give my system a big jolt. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">First, I have to grab a snack because I had thought of making a homemade lasagna for today, but made early <i>(well, noon, it's impolite to judge, Reader!)</i> breakfast and then sort of lost interest in cooking after that. So now we have nothing for dinner except whatever's easily grab-able. I think that leaves a generic ho-ho, an avocado and a left over Christmas cookie as my options. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But back to my #2016oneword Challenge. Focus, Me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I've settled on my word: DISCIPLINE.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> Not the 50-Shades-of-Spankings form of discipline, although that does sound sort of fun and frankly maybe I'd enjoy my goals more if there were a bit of firm-yet-tender spanking at the end of the day. There's not, unless you count when I sort of swat at the cats when they are Fight-Clubbing each other. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So yeah. I'm going to bring a whole lotta DISCIPLINE to 2016. Starting tomorrow. Baby steps. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-6671223062069121442016-01-09T14:01:00.001-05:002016-01-09T15:10:36.444-05:00This Old House<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, Reader, 2016 started out mean to Chez Bang Bang. Or it tried to, anyway, but it was thwarted. Maybe The Universe - or a Ghost (we'll get into that sometime later) - was just trying to challenge me, and used Chez Bang Bang as the vessel to see if I could Man Up and deserve the honor of homeownership.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I've got news for you, Universe and/or Ghost: I am NOT man enough to own my home. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That's what husbands are for, of which I have none at present. So stop testing me already. All of us know I lack homeownership skillz, beyond cleaning up cat pee and sweeping up cat hair. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But luckily I have the pleasure of the acquaintance of HNDYDAN and he's not only man enough to run his own house, his woman's house, her son's house, misc. other houses, but Chez Bang Bang as well. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">2016 delivered this to my kitchen:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0xEuUwITflpvfvspf0mHBgogPsG5vapQrAyC_8PdboONngKDCe-um4UUR1oIRXlgQCFBPaYlrVxZHCsoUEmyzJJSz0Y5z6wN9crzjcQooM5zKldyBolLnwfpMThFE9zyHnxxATTHEHrM/s1600/IMG_7772.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0xEuUwITflpvfvspf0mHBgogPsG5vapQrAyC_8PdboONngKDCe-um4UUR1oIRXlgQCFBPaYlrVxZHCsoUEmyzJJSz0Y5z6wN9crzjcQooM5zKldyBolLnwfpMThFE9zyHnxxATTHEHrM/s320/IMG_7772.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now, I'm no expert, but I knew this couldn't be good. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">This little treat happened when I ran the dishwasher. My solution was to keep trying the garbage disposal <i>(is it a disposal or a disposer?? I say and type it both ways. Hm.)</i>, but that just filled up both sides of the sink. Evidenced above. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We bailed. Literally. And then I made my plea to Almighty Facebook for advice/pity help, and HNDYDAN came to the rescue. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">At first we thought maybe, just maybe, I had ground up the little rubber stopper thingie that sits over the garbage disposal side of the sink, because I vaguely recalled hearing a thumping noise in there when I ran the disposer at times, and we couldn't find the rubber stopper. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So yeah, HNDYDAN was ready to take away the house from me right then and there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But then? We found it, so I was redeemed! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">HNDYDAN brought the flat plunger, which I learned was needed for sink plunging vs. the ones that are made for toilet plunging. I'm like a sponge, absorbing all this knowledge. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The boys plunged. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">On a good note, I learned the proper plumbing techniques for sink plunging, which is:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">block off the other side of the sink with towels</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">vigorously plunge with both hands firmly on the shaft. HNDYDAN really had this routine down. i don't know where he got all that practice. i'll assume a lot of clogged drains. ahem. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">scream when something gross comes out of the drain, which is exactly what happened when I decided to make the most of the HNDYDAN Experience and had him also plunge my slow bathroom sink drain, and a great big black ball of muck that looked like a dead wet mouse, but wasn't, came up out of the drain and I screamed and ran out of the bathroom, followed by HNDYDAN, who told me, "Uh, you can take it from here!" and then we both took a picture of it and sent it to Joanne, because nothing says "Goodmorning, Sunshine!" like a picture of a gross dead-wet-mouse-looking pile of goop from the drain sent via text. I was going to share it with you here, Reader, and I still can, but only if you comment that you'd like to see it. Then, I will post. Because I'm here for you, Reader, and I'm a giver. Just ask Joanne. </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Back to the kitchen sink. HNDYDAN got down on the floor, all nimble-like, and disassembled the pipes, only conking his head once on the cabinets. And oh by the way, he only walked once into the closed patio sliding doors, but hey, it's not my fault - I maintain very dirty windows so that people know they are closed, to prevent walking into them. Or it should. They are dirty for <i>safety</i> purposes, Reader. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I've walked into a sliding door once myself, in Florida at my Dad's, so who am I to laugh, yet I did, but not too loudly because the drain was still clogged up and well, I'm not one to openly laugh <i>(at the time) </i>when I can do it right here on ol' Bang Bang's blog so all the world (er, the dozen) can Read All About It. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I'm like the town cryer of trips, falls and window-walkings-into. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You're welcome, HNDYDAN. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But nevertheless, he got down to business. During the drain-removing process, HNDYDAN made a most unusual request, asking if I happened to have a flashlight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;">Me: </span>"Um, on my phone!" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">HNDYDAN: </span>"Move into an apartment. You're not allowed to own a house." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But guess what? That iPhone flashlight worked just fine! So ha. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And I did happen to find a proper flashlight, that I believe my brother bought for me, but it needs big fat C batteries which I don't have, but will get as part of my 2016 Resolutions and for part of my new tv show <i>(see below)</i>. Because I guess sometimes you shouldn't rely on an iPhone light, although I do trust in Steve Jobs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Anyway, after he conked his head and his face, he pulled out his giant snake drain, which should have done the trick, but didn't. Chez Bang Bang's Ghost was still intent on thwarting us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It was time for the Big Guns, meaning HNDYDAN went and rented an electric snake from the home store the next day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We got started at the crack of noon on Day 2 of HNDYDAN vs. Drains, much to his <strike>dismay </strike>delight. And that's what you get when you come to my rescue on Facebook - unexpected weekend time with me. You're welcome again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The Big Gun finally cleared whatever was down there, which we never really did determine what it was, it just must have pushed it on through, and now Chez Bang Bang has clear-running drains once again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You'd think that would be the end of this clogged-drain story, but it's not. Because while I had HNDY here, I persuaded him to install my shower head, which has been in the closet for two years, and he took care of that lickety-split. Unfortunately, I was disappointed in it's performance as it has a gentle rainshower thing and it's not nearly as pounding as I would like. So all that two-year wait for nothing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I like a hard pounding in the shower <i>~That's What She Said!~</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It has three settings, but none of them are aggressive enough for my liking.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I want to feel waterboarded when I get out of the shower. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I want it to exfoliate me from head to toe. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And this new one? It's just a too-gentle mist and now I have to go and buy yet another new shower head that will give me the pounding I crave. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But! The good news is, I carefully watched the installation process, and I am fairly certain I can do it myself next time. Stay tuned for another riveting blog update next week.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But that's not all either. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Because I was home sick on Thursday with a vicious little bug and the Ghost of Chez Bang Bang tried to play another trick on me, and jammed the front door lock so I couldn't open the front door. And another plea to HNDYDAN had him galloping to the rescue later that day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;">Me: </span>"I'm going to try to find the WD-40 and squirt it up in there."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">HNDYDAN: </span>"I'll be over when I get off work."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Later...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">HNDYDAN:</span> "Do you have a key to the door so I can try it from the outside?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;"><br />Me: </span>"Yep, but it's real slippery. I coated it in Crisco because I couldn't find the WD-40."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">HNDYDAN: </span>~pained look on his face~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You know the outcome, HNDYDAN took the mechanism apart, tightened up some screws, and now it's working much more smoothly, no doubt in part to the heavy dose of Crisco I applied to the bolt and in the keyhole. So basically I probably fixed it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And LASTLY, in the story of <b><i>How The House is Being An Asshole in 2016</i></b>: I got out of the shower a couple of days ago (still unhappy with my gentle rainshower), put my towel back in the rack and pulled the whole damn towel rack right off the wall.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: orange;">My Mister:</span> "Hulk break towel rack!" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Yep. Hulk broke towel rack.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But guess what?? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I must have absorbed a lot of HNDYDAN's knowledge over the past week, because after several attempts of just trying to mash the metal part back onto the wall, I decided there must be a screw somewhere on the thing and turned the part over and lo-and-behold, saw a teeny-tiny screw!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So I unscrewed it, and put the towel rack back over the parts still on the wall, and screwed it back in and just like magic, the towel rack was back in place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Basically, I am just like Rehab Addict's Nicole Curtis and deserve my own t.v. show. HGTV, I am ready for my close up. Despite the everlasting presence of <a href="http://www.tracyes.blogspot.com/2016/01/connect-dots.html" target="_blank">The Nose Dot</a>. Who also might need it's own contract, I cannot negotiate on it's behalf. Apparently. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*yet another candid, morning-face, no-make-up, taken-just-now-for-YOU-READER, nose dot photo. And you can see why I need eyebrow filler, and coverup, but do you see those lashes? Untouched by makeup, so yeah. Awesomely long and fluttery. And hopefully enough to distract my television viewers (when I get my DIY Show shortly) from the Nose Dot. The Nose Dot may have to get it's own blog if it plans on sticking around all year. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">p.s. For you who may be wondering why My Mister isn't the Man Of the House, he did help with the plunging, but really, he's a lover, not a fixer. :( </span></i><br />
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-24236484775888828842016-01-04T00:15:00.001-05:002016-01-04T00:15:48.032-05:00Connect The Dots <span style="font-size: large;">Well, it looks like we've got ourselves a New Year, Reader, and as always, I am very optimistic, excited, and curious about what the year will bring. I love a new year. It's just so full of promise. I mean, sometimes it goes all haywire and does all sorts of cray shit, but then there's always those wonderfully unexpected parts that I love to savor. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last year was of course my Year I Was Unemployed, and looking back it feels like one of my favorite years in a long long while. I reveled in being unemployed for the few months before I landed my new thang. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But this isn't a Musing-About-2015 post, that's done all over the Internets so there's no need for me to do it, too. Ya'll know what-the-what I was up to anyway. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What ya don't know is this: I actually went to CHURCH on Christmas Eve. Now THAT is a big deal around here, Reader. I'm not particularly inclined to attend the organized religions. Over the years I have tried it and the best time I've really had was getting my spiritual blessings done by the Amma's from India at a Unitarian Universalist church, in which I almost always refer to as the "utilitarian" church, and I'd beg to argue that this is actually a more fitting name. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So yep. I found myself in a church on Christmas Eve, because My Mister's mother needed the support as she's getting churchy since her mama died in May. It was really lovely, and had a hand bells musical thing going on, and I recited all the reciting things that they asked, and sang strong in my reserved-for-church-songs falsetto voice to all the music, and sat in the front row and respected the whole shebang. If Imma gonna go to church, Imma gonna do it all up right. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Before we went, though, I asked My Mister for a churching favor. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">See, I've had a pimple on my nose for months now. <i>MONTHS.</i> It's the Karma coming back to get me, Reader, no joke. Because years and years ago, my ex-husband had the marriage-ending affair with a person who had nose cancer which resulted in a divot in the side of her snorkel tube. And lashing-out Trixie wished her to get more nose cancers to the extent her whole damn nose and face would just fall off. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">People warned me to not wish cancer on others, even the cheater-types, because it's not nice. But there was just no telling me back then. Now, I didn't make a pact with the devil or anything for her to get nose cancer again, but I said it in my head more than once. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Fast forward 10+ years and some nose pimple just popped up on the side of my very own snorkel tube and just would. not. go. away. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And then after more than a month it finally DID go away, and the very next morning I awoke and found someone new had moved into the nose-pimple-neighborhood and took up residence. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because I care about you, Reader, and plus I sort of owe you because it's a new year and I really didn't deliver my very important words to you nearly enough towards the end of last year, I'm sharing a picture to show you the nose karma - despite the not-a-stick-of-makeup, taken-just-now, nothing-pretty-to-see-here version of Trixie. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This sort of puts me in the same category as the movie stars who take a picture of themselves without make up (but we can all see they have on eyeliner and brow stuff) and we're all supposed to just be astounded by their bravery. So I guess you can call me a hero if you want, because I'm going to post this picture of my nose dot.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One of our cats, who's proper name is Jessie, has two dots on his nose, and we found ourselves calling him Nose Dots or Nosey instead of his name, and now that's sort of become his name. And now I've been nicknamed Nose Dots as well, just around the house though. I don't think I'm being called that out in public, but maybe. Here it is. My very own Nosey Dot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Reader, are you beginning to feel I'm taking you on a rambling ride, how did we get from unemployment to church to nose dots?? Well, let me connect the nose dots for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As My Mister and I were getting dressed for our Christmas Eve churching, I had a very serious talk with him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Trixie:</i></b> "Since we're going to church, this is the perfect time to send up a special prayer."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><b><i>MM: </i></b>"Okaaaaaay......"<br /><br /><i><b>Trixie: </b></i>"I want you to pray with all your might and ask newborn baby Jesus tonight to heal my nose pimple and let him know that I take back all my cancer requests for the unfaithful. Because that's not nice, and who cares, this nose dot has got to go."<br /><br /><b><i>MM: </i></b>"So. All the turmoil and strife in the world, and you want me to use up my prayer on behalf of your pimple?"<br /><br /><i><b>Trixie: </b></i>"Yep. Glad we're on the same page."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And that's what we both prayed for on Christmas Eve, and while it's not completely gone away, it is getting smaller and flatter and maybe just maybe I won't carry my nose dot with me all the way through 2016 and Karma will know I'm sorry for the nose cancer wish thing. I was a kid! It can't be held against me forever, can it?!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But now I've got Jesus on it, so Karma really doesn't stand a chance. </span><br />
<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-83064358278875961402015-12-27T23:14:00.004-05:002015-12-27T23:14:41.402-05:00The Bang Bang Blues<span style="font-size: large;">I've got a steep case of the post-holiday blues, Reader. I don't know if they're really holiday blues or just blue-blues, but they've settled in and seem to want to stay and visit for a while. So I'm allowing them in, and just figure I"ll settle in on the couch next to 'em and we can chat and figure out why they're here and how long they plan on staying. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I think I was too much on "go" for the past few days, and I'm a little worn down. That seems to be when they like to come and visit. Now don't go getting all concerned, Reader, this isn't going to become a place where we chat about our various depressions or anything like that. I rarely get down, but today it was a full-out bawl. The kind of bawl where I have to repeat words because my therapist couldn't understand a word I was sobbing into her ear on the phone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">She's not really my therapist. She's my friendie, but she's had the <strike>horror</strike> privilege of undressing my drunk self on vacation, so she's qualified. And needed her own therapist after that debacle, but this isn't about her, it's about ME, and right now Bang Bang has the blues so let's stay focused. Sheesh. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Christmas hasn't been very magical since my mom died, which was 20 years ago yesterday. She basically died in my arms, of heart failure, in the early morning hours, and so yeah, tough times. The holidays sort of fell apart without her there to ground us all in the tidings of good cheer. She was the glue. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Maybe if I had had kids it would have been different. But I didn't need to carry on holiday traditions for anyone, and so while I'd often do some things like baking and some decorating, etc, it was never quite the same. And then some years I'd get busy and tired from work, and would do even less. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This year started our holiday strong. I'm in a great place with work, which leaves me energy to have a life after the day there is done. I addressed cards. I did a lot of baking. I made chocolates, for crying out loud. I toyed with the idea of putting up a live Christmas tree! But that had a lot of complications to that plan, including how the hell I was going to strap one onto the roof of my convertible, and the possibility of spider's nests living in the branches, so that holiday joy was skipped. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">However, I wasn't treeless by a long shot, because my therapist beau made me a pallet tree! Reader. It was like he handed me the Christmas Star with this gift. It's the first Pinterest project at Chez Bang Bang that turned out worth a fuck. See? Nifty!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So Christmas was happening. And the actual holiday days were really nice. And then somewhere along the line, maybe around 4 a.m. last night, when I was dragged-out-tired because I was preparing to host a baby shower for today, I just got tired and looked at other people's lives on social media too much and I sunk right into woe-is-me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because everyone, absolutely everyone, is more accomplished, successful, beautiful, kind, wealthy, organized, smart, lucky, loved, normal, sane, skinny, longer-haired, tan, less man-handed, whiter-teethed blah blah blah, than I am. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Obviously, because I'm an unlovable stupid loozer who's accomplished zilch in my life, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That's the track in my brain. I'm trying hard to jump the track. Because I don't normally get on that track, and I don't like that train at all. I know all the "tricks" to josh yourself out of it, Reader. "Practice Gratitude." "Do a nice thing." "Count your blessings." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've tried all that and none of it wanted to matter. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I just let it in and sit awhile with it and had a hard cry and my lip pouted and my eyes keep puddling up and now I'm telling you this side of Trixie that isn't the funnyish side, and that's okay, too, because I'd hate for you to think I have a Norman Rockwell life over here and it's all tequila and burritos every day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because it couldn't be further from the truth, unless Norman Rockwell had 8 cats who on occasion peed in inappropriate places. Then it would be a lot like Norman Rockwell. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So yeah. I'm working on it. It'll pass. Probably by tomorrow, because I already feel it starting to lift a little. But some days just beg for a good hard bawl. So let it rain. </span></div>
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Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-32355939177486893302015-12-24T15:01:00.002-05:002015-12-24T15:06:31.063-05:00Like Picasso, Only Less Appreciated <span style="font-size: large;">Let's just call December a blogging-wash, okay? Can we still be friends, Reader? Paww-weeze?? I know I made promises of sharing my nonsensical self more, and I didn't deliver, and your days were dry, like Triskets-without-a-dip dry. I mean, like they still had some flavor, but could have used just a little sumpin'-sumpin'. That sumpin' being ME. Ammiright?? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Okay, good. Now we've cleared the air on that, we can get down to some real bidniz.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For some reason this month I lost my mind and decided to handmake chocolate candy treats. Because I think I must have been looking for a reason to buy a gazillion-pound-bag of chocolate.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBKLi7Qtl-erz-aZwqzuLsutadLKLy4BPeRwBUMPkvTDI19ymgcRQxAHEecHA_A9aevayQFiO6iv0ClTdTgofTwnrH6qFK1xGiu261JSiky6wKxtXHRylu_bNYIJMBetJA9bwprDzaV_Q/s1600/pretz2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBKLi7Qtl-erz-aZwqzuLsutadLKLy4BPeRwBUMPkvTDI19ymgcRQxAHEecHA_A9aevayQFiO6iv0ClTdTgofTwnrH6qFK1xGiu261JSiky6wKxtXHRylu_bNYIJMBetJA9bwprDzaV_Q/s320/pretz2.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And that was a swell idea, because how hard could this be? Ya melt some chocolate, ya dip some stuff, ya put it in your mouf, voila. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But then I said to myself, "Well, hey, let's also add some caramel, because yum!" </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My kitchen has been a disaster for a good week now, with trays of chocolates and pretzels and almonds and caramel and other things just strewn about, in various phases of complete. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because the major problem with the "I'm just gonna whip up some chocolate treats" line of thinking is that I never have time to complete the task in one fell swoop.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I've been told by my lovah, I have no concept of how time works. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And therein lies the problemo.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I had a tray of pretzel rods dunked for their first bath in caramel, and then I had to pack it up and wait for another day with more time for the chocolate dipping. So I wrapped them in my handy dandy Press & Seal, to keep 'em fresh until I had time to get back to my craft. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today was the day I had to make the time to finish it all up. Because I can't stand the disheveled-ness of the entire house any longer and it was time to put everything away. And it's Christmas Eve. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Did I mention I'm also a dolt and volunteered to host a baby shower in my house on Sunday? The Sunday after Christmas? Yep, this coming Sunday. So I've been making blue & white candy treats for that shebang, too, and have to have a spic & span house in time to greet guests. And create a candy bar area because I saw it on Pinterest and thought "I can do that!" but I really can't, but it's too late to stop that train, so I'm on for the ride and just need to get it done. Fucking Pinterest. Sticks it to me again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, back to my caramel pretzel rods. Did you know, Reader, that caramel is sticky?? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Well, it is. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And my pretzel rods, drenched in caramel and rolled up in press & seal became a giant blob of sticky deliciousness. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixdLSF_XVQxyBI1YZP_2cW7pMaueWSJzKdn9yG5qnrO3oYhNcorSuHldKwWnDKR5UKozyWxYmMlQYLUxGbmZTSO33UzcCL0cKZjvYqUOu-D1CyYcRtfmCFRsjXyEy_tjy06BH9AcBz87g/s1600/pretz1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixdLSF_XVQxyBI1YZP_2cW7pMaueWSJzKdn9yG5qnrO3oYhNcorSuHldKwWnDKR5UKozyWxYmMlQYLUxGbmZTSO33UzcCL0cKZjvYqUOu-D1CyYcRtfmCFRsjXyEy_tjy06BH9AcBz87g/s320/pretz1.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I still have 8 lbs. of chocolate to do something with, so I started breaking up this caramel heap and decided to just go with the abstract shapes and call it pretzel candy art. Because like Picasso, my art is interpretative. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmDTykNFZ9bSBJXVjmfJSSQ4WBJFY0ubMrXlDSu-eoJJm5nu0Rvc6R-oRVa8Ac8W6F8ekPNhK01Aw8aa1Oo4eOMVSD7vJInHIS0q0qakJU4YNxYOl2aySYMuQFPnUjQKjUknQrPA7ysAQ/s1600/pretzel+mounds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmDTykNFZ9bSBJXVjmfJSSQ4WBJFY0ubMrXlDSu-eoJJm5nu0Rvc6R-oRVa8Ac8W6F8ekPNhK01Aw8aa1Oo4eOMVSD7vJInHIS0q0qakJU4YNxYOl2aySYMuQFPnUjQKjUknQrPA7ysAQ/s320/pretzel+mounds.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I threw in some crushed up Reese's Cups to add a little extra taste surprise for whomever gets the treat of putting this in their mouf. It may be you, Reader. I'm giving away treat bags to the first 3 responders. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Why do I have a feeling this is the surest way to hear crickets from you? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So yeah. Aren't you glad you decided we could still be friends? I'm going to shower you with abstract candy art. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And also, stay tuned, I'll be sharing how I almost burned down the neighborhood by lighting my outdoor Christmas decorations. Because I thought "Indoor Use" was a suggestion. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Basically I do Christmas like a boss. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-27667172194298858312015-12-14T00:25:00.001-05:002015-12-14T10:24:35.930-05:00BlogTease<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hey, Reader! I have failed on my mission to find a method to writing more often. Obvi. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The winter is <i>hard </i>on Trixie Bang Bang! It's pajama-time at 6 p.m., because it's <i>dark</i> outside. And the cats agree, and don't have to be convinced it's bedtime at 6:45 p.m. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's not that I lack things to say. Oh, nosirree, that is not the case at all. You have missed <i>so much</i>! But trust me, nothing that would change your life. Like for instance, we are trying out a new cat litter pan here. It was just installed tonight, so I don't have a read on it's success or lack thereof yet, but I did come home and one of my little assholes had pooped on the kitchen floor, so really? Anywhere has to be up from here, ammiright?! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">So that's one of the most recent things you're missing out on by my not oversharing with you, Dear Reader. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Something else? I went to Walmart tonight, to purchase said litter box and a few various other things and did not wear a bra. Again. With a white clingy long-sleeved t-shirt. So yeah, that happened. I'm just not into bras on the weekend. I hate-hate-hate slipping them on and don't do it whenever I can get away with not, which is pretty much any trip to Walmart. But to not end up on a people-of-walmart post, I did wear a zip-up vest/coat thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">What else....hm...I had so MUCH I wanted to say, but really can't think of any of it at the moment. So since it's after midnight, it's time for more bed for me, and maybe tomorrow I'll think of the really important stuff. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Consider this your teaser. I'm not always one to put out all the way. Usually. But it's not a guarantee. I'm a lady of mystery, remember? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>*which part of that made you laugh harder, the "lady" reference, or the "mystery" part?? Because whew, we both know that's not really true. </i></span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-79435894571476249002015-11-30T23:12:00.003-05:002015-11-30T23:17:22.407-05:00Good Enough<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's Monday night and I'm making Thanksgiving Turkey. And drinking what started out as a glass or two, but turned into an entire bottle of cheapish-but-delish Moscato. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">We didn't manage to have a traditional Thanksgiving at Chez Bang Bang this year. For the past couple of years I've cooked, but this year I just wanted to roll around in the freedom of the day and enjoy it without doing a dag-nab thing. And also for the first time since I left the Card Mines, I had the day after Thanksgiving off, and I wanted to do two days in a row of not a dag-nab thing. Which is pretty much how my two days off rolled, and so for that I give thanks. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The trio of my mister, my brother and myself moseyed down to the casino for turkey dinner and a lil' gambling. Didn't win, but had turkey that I didn't have to cook, so basically a win. But then we missed having leftovers and I kept planning on making my 21.75 lb. bird that my boss gave me, but it just didn't happen the entire four days off.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Which brings us to a Monday night and there's four hours of turkey cooking in the oven. And it smells ah. mazing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I had to prepare it after I got off work tonight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't really enjoy pulling out turkey parts from the cavities, but someone had to do it, I guess, and the cats weren't intent on helping unless you count licking the outer skin of the turkey "helping" - that was all Gussy wanted to do and I had to fight to keep him away from the bird. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is a bad story, Reader, for that I blame the moscato. Usually wine makes me more creative - or so I tell myself - but tonight? It's just turkey innards and delayed holidays. Sometimes that's the best you can do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">In other non-news, I'm toying with the idea of putting up a real Christmas tree this year. No one in my inner circle believes I can handle the responsibility of a real Christmas tree because they require daily watering. Several folks are under the belief that I can't be responsible for something for 25-ish days, which would almost be insulting, but based on my hydrangea that I seem to have killed from lack of watering, they may be right. My one friend gently suggested I wait to buy a tree until the 12th or 15th, so I have less days to fail. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Reader, can I live up to the responsibility of owning a live tree? More importantly, can the cats live up to the responsibility of not knocking over a live tree?? Which one of us would cause the most Tree Destruction?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't know. I just don't know. I think a live tree would make it feel more holly-jolly-and-ho-ho-ho-y at Chez Bang Bang. I struggle to capture the Holiday Spirit every year. It's not my time to shine, believe it or not. So I'm willing to try the live tree maneuver. What do you think my chances are for success?? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">All I know is the clock is ticking and I need to make Christmas Happen this coming weekend or not at all. If you're a bettin' person, Reader, take odds on "not at all." Never forget my lazy roots. They run deep. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lastly, it's the end of Birfday Month for Trixie. Also known as the end of the Reasons to Eat Cake For Breakfast. Luckily I had pee-lenty of cake in the past month and am sort of looking forward to a detox from the sugar and flour fairytale that is my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">And finally, for the Last Last tidbit, I've realized from comments and messages on Facebook that it's not common practice to toss out all our undies twice a year. Thank you for validating my unkempt undergarments as normal. We all pretty much keep the same business in our pants. Except that now I think I need to try Soma brand undies, because it sounds exciting and I think I may be missing out on something in my lower half, and I can't have that. Unless they're over ten bucks, then my vagina will remain content in Target underwear. Because I'm thrifty, Reader. And plus it doesn't really know the difference. Or does it? Sometimes that thing has a mind of it's own, so you never know. But if my vagina wants pricey undies, it may have to go out and get a job. I can't support eight cats and a high-maintenance vagina. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-42301281222457109772015-11-28T13:02:00.002-05:002015-11-28T13:02:16.950-05:00Could Probably Use More Filter. Maybe. <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hey, where did I go again? I had really planned on being here more for you, Reader, but I forgot this is my super-duper-busy time of the year for work and I'm on the computer hours and hours and hours and hours every darn day gearing up for all the holiday buying madness, to which I am a contributor.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Yep. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't like to participate in the buying frenzy, but I am a paid member of society to contribute to it. Although I am proud that we opted out for Black Friday madness, because #AllFriday'sMatter. But I still had to write emails and stuff.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Which brings up this point, can you even believe they let me write emails and stuff? I mean, can I be trusted, Reader?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Apparently, they don't read this blog. I keep it squashed from my employer and co-workers, as it should be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My boss, who's also the CEO, told me that very little I say shocks or surprises him anymore. AND I'VE ONLY BEEN THERE 4 MONTHS. AND HE DOESN'T EVEN READ THIS!! So can you image?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I mean, I've been on New Job Filter at work, for the most part, although the other day I did say the word "tits" out loud (it was germane to the conversation, if you can believe that). And I may have said something along the lines of, "I'd like more ram," when they were talking about adding RAM to our computers or something. And I said it all quiet-like, but with some emphasis on the <i>ram</i>. So yeah, my New Job Filter is ON. And the other day I told them that the question in my brain has been, "why is poop brown, and not some other color? We eat a lot of different colored foods, but it all comes down to brown." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Like I said, work filter ON. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So that's my day. I've got to go shower up, with the works (legs shaved), I've got my first bar mitzvah to attend this afternoon. For my bosses son, aka the CEO's son. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So yeah. Add vodka to this mix and who knows if I'll get fired or promoted by Monday. Because I'm <i>creative</i>, Reader. Especially with drink. </span>Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-82487956787652515112015-11-19T22:36:00.000-05:002015-11-19T22:38:19.632-05:00Lady Business <span style="font-size: large;">I've had something on my mind for several weeks now, and it's been there poking me in parts of my brain that make me question Life and Things and Stuff. Have I been doing it all wrong my whole entire life, Reader? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I mean, I just celebrated my 49th birthday. Yep. I typed it out loud. Because for all those who don't get another year on this earth, it would be really rude to not acknowledge all the years I have gotten so far. So yeah. 49. That's a lot of years to have been maybe perhaps doing things wrong. Well, one thing in particular, as far as this post is concerned. Many many many peoples would tell you I've done a lot of things wrong, I've no doubt. And they are probably mostly right. But this isn't about them. It's about me and you, right Reader? Right. So they can suck it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But back to the problem at large. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What got me to questioning my entire way of living was a blog I stumbled upon, a <a href="http://www.greenhighfive.com/" target="_blank">Buy Nothing New Challenge.</a> I was totes all about it, Reader. I've been especially disgruntled with my years of consumerism since my debacle of a garage sale back in June, when I realized all the stupid shit I've acquired and never used or minimally used, and now it's just something I have zero use for and it's still cluttering up my garage. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So yeah. I was all for going on a buying fast. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And then I read a little deeper into her blog and I couldn't quite get past the part where she talked about the hardest part for her was not buying new underwears every six months, like she was used to doing, so she learned to make them or something. I didn't fully comprehend anything past the part where she said she bought entire new panties and bras every six months. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I looked down at the ratty pair of underwears that were on my body, that were at least a good year or two (or more, but wow, I already feel filthy so we'll stop at two years) old and second guessed my entire life up until this point. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I mean, every six months?? Bras are expensive, Reader!! In case you don't know, to support these cha-chas on my chest, it's at least a fiddy, if not more! And I'd need a minimum of four bras, and that's doing a lot of handwashing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Let's do the math: That's $200 bones, or $400 a year just on bras. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now for the panties part. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'd need at least seven pair. Let's go with ten. I don't do laundry as often as I should. Maybe twelve. That sounds safe. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Each pair of underwear is four to seven dollars, right? I mean, for something with a little style, that doesn't rouch up (I just made up that word, you can use it, Merriman-Webster, it's better than your newest addition, emoji, and rouch is a good word sort of a combination of "ride" and "crotch" which aptly describes what I don't want my undies to do!). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So yeah, I want undies that don't rouch up. And maybe they can have a little lace. And sometimes I want fuller coverage than others, so basically twelve pair will cover all my moods. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Let's do the math: $12 x 7 = shit, I've gotta get out my calculator...er...well, let's do 12 x 5 = $60. I know that math. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">$60 x 2 times a year = $120. Plus the bras. We're looking at $520/year in new undies. And that's not counting socks. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Actually, now that I've done the math it doesn't seem like such an offensive amount. At least on the undies. I can swing that for sure, so I guess I should be doing a little more for my apparel down there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I buy new stuff. I just usually don't toss out everything else that I've owned. I'm not ritualistic about it. I just buy some stuff occasionally as I walk through Target. I thought that was fine. I didn't realize I needed a scheduled purge or else I'm just a sloppy underwear-wearer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But what do you, Reader? Do you throw out your entire underwears twice a year? Once a year? What is the proper amount? And do you keep your "standbys" during the cleanse? Or is it "Everything Goes?" Am I normal, Reader, and the other lady is the quaker? Because basically no one pays that much attention to their underwear except movie stars and strippers? What is the proper underwear-wearing time limit? I just. don't. know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'd like to insert an official survey here to get some real feedback and data-points and other official sounding stuff, but I'm not smart enough to know how to do that. So either tell me in comments the proper way to handle this whole underwear refresh business, or just say it in your own head and move on to other things. I'm not hear to boss you, Reader. I'm just trying to keep my ladyparts up-to-date. </span><br />
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<br />Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2924902635938222433.post-92016822150214658252015-11-17T22:29:00.003-05:002015-11-17T22:29:41.466-05:00That One Last Drop<span style="font-size: large;">Lately this blog has been like an old man taking a pee. It goes in fits and starts, and just when you think it's all done, a little more dribbles out.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here's your dribble, Reader.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today is mah birfday.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've eaten a lot lot lot of cake in the past week. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's been good. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">At some point I need to stop eating cake. That point is not happening tonight, however. Tonight, I'm going to enjoy two teensy mouthfuls - which will be the whole entire thing, it's very small - of this 440-calorie cake in a container. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because Salty Carmel. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga2z2922_s3dL5PsDg_ft9s7PbSke7HqBzoSgnJAirNrwPE7cMxZWeSmzKFUY5VIG6GO6EeZCt5iqVyaraO5DT6_WOIHNhH86RGb7pEegBiG4uIZXWI4wOkWl0jZxs6y0UzMOfOArFO00/s1600/12239958_10207761676419179_1668724919859656477_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga2z2922_s3dL5PsDg_ft9s7PbSke7HqBzoSgnJAirNrwPE7cMxZWeSmzKFUY5VIG6GO6EeZCt5iqVyaraO5DT6_WOIHNhH86RGb7pEegBiG4uIZXWI4wOkWl0jZxs6y0UzMOfOArFO00/s320/12239958_10207761676419179_1668724919859656477_n.jpg" width="290" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As Marie Antoinette said, "Let Me Eat Cake!" Or maybe that was me who said that. Someone said it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then, it's back to regular blogging starting tomorrow. Or sometime this week. I can't guarantee tomorrow. I"m old, ya know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">p.s. - Do you get the subject line reference, Reader? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>You can shake it</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>You can squeeze it </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>You can knock it against the wall</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>But ya gotta put it in your pants</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>For that one last drop to fall. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You're welcome. </span>Trixie Bang Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02913792856690555654noreply@blogger.com0