25 Things

1/ Much of my life can be summed up with the phrase: Mistakes were made.

2/ I enjoy a nap. I wish they were requirements for each and every day. No, I don't feel like I am wasting my life when I nap. Facebook, however, makes me feel like I am wasting my life; however, that doesn't stop me from squandering precious hours.

3/ I laugh when people fall. Unless they’re old, and then it’s sad and I ask if they are okay. Then I laugh, but just a little and not in front of them. If and when I fall, I fully expect people to laugh. Go ahead. I would.

4/ Peanut butter and chocolate are two great tastes that taste great together.

5/ I have never met a cake I didn’t like.

6/ I spend far too much money on moisturizers and haircuts. But I only have to look at people who don’t and I realize it’s money well-spent.

7/ I love a good love story, especially if elephants are involved.

8/ I once rode a motorcycle naked. On the highway. In Cleveland. Mistakes were made.

9/ The greater part of my day is spent pretending to be a responsible adult. I even use big words and important-sounding phrases sometimes.

10/ I swear far, far too much. One year I made a New Year’s Resolution to swear as much as possible. I wanted to set a goal I had a reasonable chance of achieving.

11/ Afternoon Judge shows are a guilty pleasure and Judge Judy actually scares me a little. I've thought about getting a law degree just to get a television show.

12/ I have a crush on Nanny Jo from Supernanny. Even with her moley face and too-tight-in-the-crotch pants. Maybe because of those things…

13/ Being a soap opera actress is my dream job. Or a talk show host. I'm waiting for Kelly Ripa to quit.

14/ I believe in psychics and ghosts.

15/ I believe that integrity is the one trait that cannot be compromised. Lose your integrity and you lose yourself.

16/ I believe in second chances. Mistakes are made. But not thirds.

17/ Mexican food completes me. And too many margaritas lead to mistakes being made.

18/ I’ve been married twice. Again, Mistakes were made.

19/ I have a tattoo on my left shoulder which ruins the image of my wholesome goodness – hahah!

20/ I’ve lost at least $20k of expensive jewelry, including the huge sparkling diamond from my wedding ring and a 5-stone diamond ring purchased in St. Thomas a couple of years ago. One day I expect to shout “Eureka!!” when I stumble across these lost treasures. Or maybe someone else has already shouted “Eureka” and is enjoying my loot. That would suck.

21/ I love designer labels and have an embarrassing amount of expensive handbags. I coulda sent a lot of rice to a poor child in a third world country with the money I’ve spent on purses. I should be more ashamed of myself than I am.

22/ I own an $800 Olympus camera and still do not know how to use its fancy features.

23/ Italy didn’t impress me as much as I thought it would, although I did drink my weight in wine under the Tuscan sun, kissed an Italian Original (dressed as a gladiator, no less!) and was awestruck at the Vatican. I’m not clamoring to go back, though.

24/ I pronounce the “t” in the word Often, which annoys the piss out of my boyfriend, who insists it’s a silent “t”. The duel resulted in a draw, thanks to Merriman-Webster.

25/ My pet peeves are litterbugs and people who say they “believe in living life to the fullest.” What does that even mean?? The rest of us like to live it kinda half-assed? And grown adults who say “potty” instead of “bathroom”. And people who say “toodles”. And people who misspell the word "lose" as "loose" as in "I need to loose some weight this year" or "Did you loose a $20,000 diamond?" Apparently, I’m more annoyed by people than I originally thought.