Day By Numbers

Things we did or bought today:

1. 36 rolls of toilet paper. Stocking up to avoid another run-out situation. Thanks, Sam's Club!
2. 80 lbs. of cat litter. Getting ready for vacation and a bunch of pooping cats.
3. 2 lobster tails. 4 New York Strip steaks. Dinner Sunday night is going to be delicious!
4. 2 books. I'm not sure if either is suitable for vacation. One is about a library cat named Dewey Readmore Books or something, it almost made me cry in the store reading the jacket. The other is The Other Boleyn Girl, recommended by a friend with similar book tastes.
5. Returned 1 movie, Eastern Promises. Bought it at Best Buy last weekend, found it was on HBO last night and DVR'd it. Hadn't opened the movie yet, so back it went. Score $10 back in my pants for me!
6. Returned 24 cans of Iamms catfood. They don't like it. Score $18.66 back in the pants again! We're getting RICH on returns.
7. Napped once.
8. Did not make one bit of headway on Household Chores. Not one thing accomplished in that arena.
9. 2 showers today. Making up for last weeks dirty unkempt appearance. Showered before errands today, and again after our "nap" in preparation for an evening out tonight.
10. 2 blogs. Aren't you happy now?

March Already!

Sometimes things just work out. A giant work project - that I completed back in January and resurrected itself with new requests due March 6th - was cancelled!! I was staring into the abyss of work this weekend and long nights for next week, but all that changed with a simple email of Project Cancelled. They have enough other stuff to think about, apparently. Good for me! I had time to f-off at work on Friday, actually go out for a longer lunch and laugh and laugh and get coffee and clean my desk. Imagine. And this weekend lies unfurled at my feet, waiting for Wonderful Things to transpire.

So what have we on the agenda. Well as this is Weekend Before Vacation, we have a lot of housekeeping items on the agenda. Laundry, cleaning, putting-away-of-stuff, scrubbing and packing. Yes, packing. I'm packing a week in advance. I do not want to be up til the break of dawn next Friday night packing, which is what always happens. I don't mind the last-minute items, but the general finding-of-all-things-summer and putting them in a suitcase will happen this weekend. And I have to visit Sophie. And we have a get-together Saturday night at Parma Tavern to celebrate Pete's birthday. And I'd like to go to Sephora and buy many products of beauty, but am trying to talk myself out of that. My #1 New Years Resolution was to stop buying lipsticks. Yes, I made a resolution, it's riveting I know. But seriously, my purse, car and makeup bag are riddled with lipsticks of every brand and color. And 90% of the time if you saw me, I wouldn't even have any on! It's ironic, really. Maybe there's a subliminal meaning to my buying tiny tubes with little heads that pop out which I rub on my lips. I don't know. All I know is, I have enough and am not buying any more until these are used up or thrown away.

Vacation's in a week. I've tinkered with the thought of going back to the tanning booth, but I haven't been successful in my past attempts. I have 10 free tanning sessions that I won, but by now if I started today, I could only use 8 of them up, and then what would I do with the remaining 2 sessions? Nothing, they'd go to waste. Probably like all 10 sessions are going to do.

Luckily, Kenny purchased 7 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and brought them home yesterday. But really, it's much too late in the game to be trying to skinny up before vacation. In fact, we just discussed going to breakfast, so I see corned beef hash in my very near future. More fascinating tidbits to come later, Reader. Don't lose hope that it's really all this lame - I'm sure I've got some entertaining anecdote in me, it just hasn't woken up yet.

Dangerous: Mime Field Ahead.

"The cat's getting better!" she sings from the rooftops on a snowy Sunday morn. Well, that may be a bit of an over exaggeration, he's not worth singing about yet. But he is getting better. My Master Plan of the canned food diet fixing everything isn't happening yet, but I'm still holding out hope and putting thoughts to the Universe (see: The Secret) that it will correct itself through diet.

He is Just. So. Bad. at the shots. He turns on you with teeth bared, growls and is just generally pissed off. It causes me to jerk the needle out before I've plunged the insulin and then I have to do it again. He then tries to bat the syringe out of my hands. It's a whole process, and not a good one. He's just as ornery when anyone else (Kenny or Timmy) has tried to do it. Now, he hasn't actually inflicted harm or anything, but it's a jolt and then it worries my heart when he gives me the pitiful eyes. I really think they could invent another way. Stupid dry cat food industry.

So it looks like it's going to be a lot of unrelated little bits of randomness. I have lots to say, and it's not really very cohesive. So buckle up, it may be a bit bumpy to follow.

1.) I realized this weekend that I'm going on vacation in two weeks. That snuck up on me and I am not prepared yet. So I had to hustle today and get both of us registered with our Online Cruise Shit, which sounds simple but it is a whole jump down, turn around, enter this, lookup that kinda process. And then we had a whole other aspect to it that involved making our plans for our lone day in Los Angeles. We're flying in a day early to LA since our ship sails on Sunday, it was the same price to fly in on Saturday. Now, that extra day is going to cost us a little bundle. Hotels, taxi's, food. Our free cruise is adding up quickly.

I don't know if it's just a result of my being overworked lately or what, but I had serious anxiety trying to make plans for that day in LA. I don't understand that city, it's big and confusing and if I'm going in a day early, I want to Do Things. Kenny didn't even want to book a hotel, he just wanted to get there and wing it. Now, Faithful Reader, from what YOU know about me, do you think that I am the kinda girl who could fly to a big city that I don't know how to navigate and just "wing it?" Well, if you think I'm that girl, you're wrong. I am not. I need somewhat of a plan, not at the risk of prohibiting spontaneity. I can be spontaneous. I just need to know in advance where I'm sleeping that night.

After far too much time spent online reading, I needed to make a decision so I made what I think is the Most Fun Decision, I made reservations at the Beverly Hills Hotel for the one night we're in LA. We can stargaze and gawk and be hoity and trampy and whatever else we want to be, smack-dab in the middle of Sunset Strip. Kenny is surprisingly excited about it, so that's a good thing that we're both on board with our expensive hotel choice. Now, from there we can revert to Kenny's plan of "winging it." So those steps are done and my anxiety can subside for the moment.

2.) I could bitch blogs and blogs about work, but I won't because I refuse to give it any more of my time than it has already sucked up.

3.) Linda gave me a pair of knit white gloves for Christmas. I wore them today and thought I looked like a mime. But then I didn't know if mime's wore white gloves or black, but regardless, it spurred a one-sided conversation from me about how I find mimes creepy and I would never date one because a mime wouldn't actually fuck me, he would just go through the motions three inches above my body and I don't need any part of that. This conversation happened in Best Buy, which Kenny largely ignored until I got to the part about mime fucking. Then he slowly turned, looked at me and just shook his head.

4.) I reached an all-time low in appearance care today. I really cannot believe I went out of the house looking the way I did. But I did. My hair was totally askance from some morning non-mime sex, it went unwashed and virtually uncombed, only held back by a lone barrette; white socks, velour sweatpants and a too-tight long-sleeved braless teeshirt; nary a stitch of makeup. I like to say that I feel confident in my natural state. It sounds better than that I'm lazy and have pretty much given up sometimes. I was embarrassed to be me, but it didn't spur me to make more of an effort, or to inhibit my shopping.

5.) We went to Best Buy to buy a waterproof digital camera for upcoming trip, for our last trip I had borrowed the Murdoch's and loved it. I spent a fair amount of time researching them online but in the end ended up with the exact same one. They have a newer model with 10 vs. 8 mega pixels or whatever, but it was also $100 more expensive and really, what would I need that for. And then some of my ex-husband's influence took over (some things seem to have seeped in and taken hold), and the 8 pixel came in orange, which matched the buoyant wristband and it tipped the purchase scales in favor of the items that would match the best. Thanks, F-Steve, for making me as neurotic as you about some things. So I would say it was a Best Buy from Best Buy. Ha!

6.) I've missed a whole month of visiting my grandmother and attending my "Write Night" with my friends. Work has me exhausted and cranky and maxed out with obligations. I'm hoping to change that because I need to re-find my work-life balance.

7.) Oh!! Oh!! I cannot believe this didn't make mention until #7 on the list!! WTF is wrong with me!?! Well, anyway - DRUM ROLL, PLEASE. I competed in a Toastmasters Evaluation Contest for my club on Tuesday and took the 1st Place Trophy! My first trophy from the club - hah! My job there is done. An evaluation contest goes like this: Someone gives a speech (referred to as the Target Speaker) and then whomever wants to compete gives a two-to-three minute evaluation of the speech. Is it really any surprise that I won?? I've had years of practice of telling people why the suck, giving them a boost of encouragement before I totally beat them down, and then offering some suggestions for improving their shit for the future. Now I have to go compete at the next level in March. I need to get my criticising practice in! Poor Kenny.....

Okay, that's P-L-enty for one night. Let's hope I get my workshit under control so I can get back to the important business of emailing, browsing the internet and maybe even going to lunch again. Maybe I'll wear my white knit gloves and mime my way through the day.

My I Don't Have To Run Day

Another day in the Anderson-Baldwin household. We got off on a better foot today, still sleeping in very late once again. We've slept in til 11:00 a.m. both days and I loved it!! I love staying up late and sleeping in late. So we started off late, but happy with each other.

I had plans to go see a play at Cleveland Theater with my friend Katie on Sunday afternoon, so while we did that Kenny took the opportunity to go see Friday the 13th and Push. He also did a load of laundry, he's been pretty helpful around the house lately. Other than that, I've done very little with myself today. I didn't even make it to the grocery store, I just wasn't interested in carrying stuff up and down steps. Maybe tomorrow after work.

Okay, for those of you who have asked if I got a Snuggie for Christmas, I'm watching the commercial for that right now, and No, that is now what I received. It's some type of blanket with snaps, but not a Snuggie - that actually looks pretty stupid, and it really is just a reverse robe. Seriously, why I'm not a millionaire is beyond me - people come up with really stupid shit. I really need to market my stupid ideas, God knows I've got plenty of them. One's sure to stick!

So where does that leave us? Well, I think I'm heading off to bed to watch House Hunters before nodding off to sleep. I booked tickets to Vegas over the weekend, planned 'er in advance for the 4th of July weekend. Whoever wants to join the par-tay, get some tickets and come along! Airfare was pretty darn reasonable, no sense waiting til the last minute, of course we're going to go over the 4th.

Meggan would be proud of me, I started reading Harry Potter. I'm not sure they're something I could read all 7 books on, but so far it's enjoyable enough. Not can't-put-down compelling, but good enough and easy to read. Except for the pronouncing the names part. Hermaphrodee? Whatever the chick's name is....

Well, since I've got nothing more than that right now, I'll go let the excitement build and try to come up with something more entertaining later.

The End.

And You Think You're Getting Into My Pants Now?

Happy Valentine's Day, all you Lover's out there! Mr. Anderson and I had a tumultuous start to the day. At one point I even blubbered, "You just got me a paper & ink card, it doesn't even have a me-to-you connection!" He told me that I needed to stop analyzing cards.

The real kicker came Friday night when we exchanged cards a day early and there were no chocolate covered strawberries for me. He told me, "We don't need them." Huh. I told him that if we were taking things away from the holiday, I had an idea of another thing we'd be doing without.

Mr. Anderson wasn't having his finest day of making me feel special and loved. It started with some snarky comments from him, thinking he was being funny, and not settling too well at all. He was warned his little jokes weren't being well-received, but he's a little thick sometimes and he didn't quite realize what that was going to mean for him. Needless to say, it went downhill by noon (and we didn't get up til 11:00!!). I threw the card I bought him in the trash, told him I was taking all those words back. He dug it out but I wouldn't let him put it up. He had to put it under a stack of mail until I decide he can have it back. It was a whole show, complete with tears and my telling him he sucked, and that no one wants to be told on Valentine's Day that they are "too fat for the berries" this year. So to make a long story short, he ended up at Malley's (although by then it was a futile and unwelcome effort) and two disappointing boxes of berries are in the refrigerator.

We did make some recovery on the day, and went to an afternoon movie, seeing He's Just Not That Into You. Maybe a poor choice on Valentine's Day, but it was a really good movie. Then we had dinner plans at The 100th Bombers Squad at 8:00 p.m. so the day ended on an up note, which is why there is a smiley picture to post. But really, he needs to work on the wooing. Oh, at dinner we reminisced about all our past bad lovers and rekindled stories about how vindictive I am to cheating ex-husbands. He found out for the first time about how I cleaned the toilet with my first ex-husband's toothbrush as I was leaving. It was my last act of wifely duty. Kenny was horrified, actually, and proclaimed, "But he could have DIED from that!" So what? I had really no other response... Kenny decided that if we should ever break up, he'll just buy a new toothbrush to be on the safe side. Hey, don't say you're not warned. My second ex-husband knew I was a retaliater, and yet he still seemed surprised how it all broke bad on him, with the cops called to get his cheating fatass out of my house. I don't play. Maybe Kenny will rethink anymore "too fat for the berries" ideas he has and do a little better in the future.

It was a strange day, that's the bottom line. I wouldn't say my best Valentine's Day. I hope other's had plans that were more well-received. I think I'd better stop this blog in it's tracks before I wind myself up again and go punch Mr. Anderson in the head while he sleeps. Too fat for the berries, indeed.

Mornings Are Overrated

Work. It shouldn't come as a surprise when it's unpleasant, it is a four-letter word, after all. I've had my fill of work, which is hampering the other four letter word and making Kenny unpleasant.

I brought a bag of work home with me that was so large (How large was it??!! The crowd shouted), It was SO LARGE, my car seat recognized it as a passenger and the seat belt sensor buzzed and blinked for the entire ride. That Large.

Suck. That's another four letter word.

I've been taking horrible care of myself this week, fueling up on diet soda and shoveling whatever was convenient into my mouth (except for THAT, Dirty Minds, I just told you I'm too tired from all the WORK!).

Next week, when my life goes back to the normal roar, I am building time into my schedule to grocery shop for fruits and vegetables, make time for the gym and do squats to find my cute butt that's down there somewhere, and read for pleasure. So there. But all that next week.

A new day dawns all too early.

Sloppy Seconds

So my blogging seems to be taking on a "list" format lately. I guess I don't have time to just go on and on and on with paragraphs about essentially meaningless stuff. Maybe one day I'll get back to that. In the meantime, here goes another list 'o items once again. It's this or nothing (shut it for you out there who'd prefer nothing!).

Spent the weekend in Canada with my girlfriendie Joanne. We had so much stupid fun, I can't even begin to write about it because it wouldn't translate as "fun" in print, you really had to be there, and if I try to describe how much fun it is you'll say to yourself, "That doesn't sound like that much fun" and determine it must have really been a little lame instead. It wasn't.

I had tickets to see Celine Dion in Windsor, so off we went. Joanne had never been to Windsor before so it was all new to her. I had her try Tim Horton's coffee, Harvey's poutine (or poontang, whichever you'd like to believe), we (or I, but I don't like to point fingers at myself) flirted incessantly with boys in uniforms, danced ourselves silly at the After Glow party at Caesars (I busted out my Stayin' Alive moves, much to Joanne's delight), gambled a bit, napped and ate. It was a full weekend of shenanigans. Now it's back to reality and I really need to do some shitass work tonight before I go to bed, regardless of how tired I am and how much I'd really like to be in bed and fast asleep by 9:00 p.m.

Kenny had a Man Weekend at home. He hung out with some guys, played video games and drank a few beers. He also took care of the cats and cleaned the cat litter box. I had a better weekend than he did.

Twinkle's doing pretty good on his insulin. I need to take him back to the vet this coming week, he should have went last Wednesday or so but I worked too late to get him there. So we have that on the to-do list for this coming week. I think he's doing pretty well, he's perky and chompie and frisky and kinda bad, really. Exactly how he should be acting once again. He doesn't like his shots, though, and gives me the bad eye. I'm still hoping we can fix him with better food.

Wow, so this is a really lame update, and not even a list at all. I've got Very Important Things to do, though, and none of them are fun things so I have to get busy with that if I have any hope of getting to bed tonight - not to mention some welcome home sexnanigans. Your entertainment is secondary. How does that make you feel?

25 Things

1/ Much of my life can be summed up with the phrase: Mistakes were made.

2/ I enjoy a nap. I wish they were requirements for each and every day. No, I don't feel like I am wasting my life when I nap. Facebook, however, makes me feel like I am wasting my life; however, that doesn't stop me from squandering precious hours.

3/ I laugh when people fall. Unless they’re old, and then it’s sad and I ask if they are okay. Then I laugh, but just a little and not in front of them. If and when I fall, I fully expect people to laugh. Go ahead. I would.

4/ Peanut butter and chocolate are two great tastes that taste great together.

5/ I have never met a cake I didn’t like.

6/ I spend far too much money on moisturizers and haircuts. But I only have to look at people who don’t and I realize it’s money well-spent.

7/ I love a good love story, especially if elephants are involved.

8/ I once rode a motorcycle naked. On the highway. In Cleveland. Mistakes were made.

9/ The greater part of my day is spent pretending to be a responsible adult. I even use big words and important-sounding phrases sometimes.

10/ I swear far, far too much. One year I made a New Year’s Resolution to swear as much as possible. I wanted to set a goal I had a reasonable chance of achieving.

11/ Afternoon Judge shows are a guilty pleasure and Judge Judy actually scares me a little. I've thought about getting a law degree just to get a television show.

12/ I have a crush on Nanny Jo from Supernanny. Even with her moley face and too-tight-in-the-crotch pants. Maybe because of those things…

13/ Being a soap opera actress is my dream job. Or a talk show host. I'm waiting for Kelly Ripa to quit.

14/ I believe in psychics and ghosts.

15/ I believe that integrity is the one trait that cannot be compromised. Lose your integrity and you lose yourself.

16/ I believe in second chances. Mistakes are made. But not thirds.

17/ Mexican food completes me. And too many margaritas lead to mistakes being made.

18/ I’ve been married twice. Again, Mistakes were made.

19/ I have a tattoo on my left shoulder which ruins the image of my wholesome goodness – hahah!

20/ I’ve lost at least $20k of expensive jewelry, including the huge sparkling diamond from my wedding ring and a 5-stone diamond ring purchased in St. Thomas a couple of years ago. One day I expect to shout “Eureka!!” when I stumble across these lost treasures. Or maybe someone else has already shouted “Eureka” and is enjoying my loot. That would suck.

21/ I love designer labels and have an embarrassing amount of expensive handbags. I coulda sent a lot of rice to a poor child in a third world country with the money I’ve spent on purses. I should be more ashamed of myself than I am.

22/ I own an $800 Olympus camera and still do not know how to use its fancy features.

23/ Italy didn’t impress me as much as I thought it would, although I did drink my weight in wine under the Tuscan sun, kissed an Italian Original (dressed as a gladiator, no less!) and was awestruck at the Vatican. I’m not clamoring to go back, though.

24/ I pronounce the “t” in the word Often, which annoys the piss out of my boyfriend, who insists it’s a silent “t”. The duel resulted in a draw, thanks to Merriman-Webster.

25/ My pet peeves are litterbugs and people who say they “believe in living life to the fullest.” What does that even mean?? The rest of us like to live it kinda half-assed? And grown adults who say “potty” instead of “bathroom”. And people who say “toodles”. And people who misspell the word "lose" as "loose" as in "I need to loose some weight this year" or "Did you loose a $20,000 diamond?" Apparently, I’m more annoyed by people than I originally thought.