Neighborhood Responder - Part I

This morning we were awakened by our Hillbilly Alarm Clock. It went like this: FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK! FUCK YOU! FUCK THIS! (then the word QUARTER was heard), more FUCKS, and then a bunch of punching noises. Into a wall, I hope, and not a person. 

All that at 10:00 a.m. on The Lord's Day. 

So I opened up my screen, stuck my head out of the window and yelled in the direction of the Fucks (coming from the street behind our house), "Calm down, Hillbilly!" 

And Kenny told me to stay out of it, he wanted to hear more of the shenanigans. But it was too late. Either my "holla back girl" was effective, or the Neighborhood Hillbilly was spent from all that aggression and laying in a collapsed heap of fucks on the floor.  

Mashed Berries.

Today I'm spending part of my time doing Responsible Things, a.k.a, Avoiding A Call From Hoarders. And part of my time was spent cleaning out the refrigerator.  Where I discovered I have a bit of a jelly hoarding problem. 

This many jars in my fridge, and I do not have a Brady Bunch amount of kids running around needing PB&J packed lunches by the dozens. 

Nope. Just me & My Mister here. And plee-enty of jelly. And there was more in the door of the fridge, the upside-down squeeze bottle kind that doesn't fit on this shelf. 

The worst part is, I can't see throwing it out because it's not like it's inedible and I see Sophie turning over in her cremains at the thought of throwing out perfectly good food, and I do see visions of those little Sally Struther's kids flashing before me, thinking how much they'd appreciate my abundance with their gruel. 

So I can't throw it out in good conscience.  So we'll have a shelf full of jelly.

Anyone need jelly? You know where to find it. 

A Cat By Any Other Name...

We've (re)named him Sawyer. See the resemblance? 

Do Not Disturb

It's really difficult to fuck with a kitten in the house. 

Who wants to be in the middle of everything. 

Including coitus.

 Where he is not welcomed. 

He proceeded to burrow in a little blanket nest at the kneecaps, and it was some difficult maneuvering.

And keeping his head covered up by a blanket because he's a BABY and there are just some things he shouldn't see. 

Or be curious about.

And want to bat at. 

With claws. 

And it's creepy to be doing Things with little curious cat eyes watching every moment. 

It all just starts to seem ridiculous if you look at it from his perspective. 

#thecatswatchingusfuck=FAIL. 

2nd Thoughts

Reader. I rarely - in fact, never - have taken down a blog post. But I've felt bad for being a hater against little fuc...er.. ahem....the small children and parent's who don't know better, a.k.a, Toddlers & Tiaras. 

Let's just call it a reconsideration. 

I keep thinking of the phrase my friend uses: Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me. And that wasn't very nice. It wasn't coming from a place of love. Or compassion for their stupidity. So I have reconsidered and have taken it down, for no other reason than to not have that little slice of negativity coming from me. 

That's not a guarantee against future negativity. Oh, nosiree. Just this one time. 

I think some little blogger just got her angel wings! 

Right. Right? 

Biggie Smalls

He has giant feet.  

The Over-Rated List

We succumbed to the hype and the horn-tooting that The Public has been doing and - against my better judgement - purchased a Keurig coffee maker. 


I did do some online research before making a $150 coffee pot purchase and the reviews were mixed. Some folks found that they stopped working after a short time and were a pain in the ass to keep descaled, while others swore they were handed down from the heavens by the hand of God. 


So mixed reviews. 


Now, I was given to a bit of head-scratching when I read that the Special Edition or whatever it was we purchased offered 3 different cup sizes. I wondered to myself what with the little coffee packet coming in only one size, how does it adjust to have taste from the heavens regardless of the amount of water used? 


I chalked it up to Magic, because obviously it must be fine no matter the cup size because no one had a complaint about that issue. 


So we bought one. 


And made our first cup. 


And it dribbled out and barely filled the bottom of a coffee mug. 

Wha - the - fu....?? Who drinks 5.2 oz of coffee? 


We experimented with various cup sizes. The largest size? Still only 9 oz. and made the flavor watery. 


It was definitely going to take 2 k-cups (they even have their own little lingo) per one cuppa coffee. Apparently, for our taste enjoyment,  it takes 2 k-cups, brewed on the smallest cup size and the mug still isn't filled. 

Why oh why do people tout this contraption with such verve and enthusiasm?? So, sure, it tastes fine. And the only thing I can really say that is positive is that I like the look of the machine on the kitchen counter and that the coffee ground clean-up is a snap. 


But is that worth the tradeoff? I still have to push a button to heat the water (so no time-saver there), and then stand there and make several k-cups at a time for our 2 cups of coffee in the a.m., and I'm now spending a Starbucks fortune per cuppa coffee, so what is the savings?


Nothing. It's nothing, Reader. It's just a different pain-in-the-ass than my old coffee pot, which I am telling you is going right back on the counter as I pack up my $150 contraption for a store return. 


Don't believe everything that's hyped, Reader. Christopher Hitchen's opinion is that the the four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics. He apparently never owned a Keurig.