Or is it that Taco Bell smells like me?

Sitting in my recliner this morning, reaching over for my cuppa coffee sitting on the little table, I smelled Taco Bell. Furrowed brow, wrinkled nose, wondering where in the world the smell of Taco Bell meat was coming from. And then I realized: ME. My armpits, to be precise. Smelled like Taco Bell meat.

AND I HAVEN'T HAD TACO BELL MEAT LATELY.

When I went to bed I didn't smell like Taco Bell meat. I don't know what happened during that REM sleep, but somewhere along the way I worked up enough of a sweat to smell like a fast food chain upon waking.

Now go. Get a taco. Think of me (my armpit) when you're eating.

You're welcome.

Just a Bunch of Sentences

It's really wrong that I had bacon for dinner. While watching The Biggest Loser.

Ahem.

Proud? No. Full? Yes.

But the bacon wasn't really very good, it was too maple-y tasting. Twinkle Toes enjoyed it. And I had it originally planned as part of a BLT, but I don't like my new whole-wheat bread, and the tomato was questionable. So really, a sad dinner - sad for a number of reasons.

Kenny's up at The Islands (Put-in-Bay) for the night. Got a gig. He sounds like a rocker when I put it like that, huh? Kenny The Rocker. Pays $400 for the night, plus they put him up in a room and pay his meals, and his ferry ticket. So really, too good to pass up. I wish I could have gone with him, but I was busy at the Mines. And I had a Nerd Club contest to run today, which went well.

I need to be sitting here writing a speech for Nerd Club, for the Humorous Speech Contest we have next Tuesday, but I fear I only amuse myself (which is really the most important person I need to please).

What the hell is Anna Kornikova doing as a trainer on Biggest Loser?? Where'd the angular-faced Gillian person go?? What is HAPPENING in this world?? I can't rely on any constants! Sheesh.!

Okay, whew, calming down, I can understand using Anna, I guess. She's getting banged by Enrique Iglesias, lucky girl. She's got a good reason to be skinny and nimble.

I think I'm going to use my time in the house to get to bed early for a change. I planned that last night, too, and it was midnight before I was sleeping, with the additional pleasure of waking up intermittently throughout the evening. I've got Things on my mind, consisting of a lot of work and how I'm going to get it all done. Tonight I take Tylenol PM to avoid such interruptions.

There, I'm all sorts of excitement. Who wouldn't wanna be me.

Where My Nose Has Been

Buried, that's where. Buried in some books. My latest fascination has been The Hunger Games trilogy. I downloaded the first one as a test for my new Nook reader that I received from My Lovah as an early birthday gift.

I wasn't sold on the thought of an e-reader, but decided on my last cruise that it was time. I hauled probably 12 lbs. worth of books to the Caribbean, and that's just too much haulin'. So I got one early, in time for our next cruise, to see how I'm going to like it. I got the color version, so that I can test out magazines & whatnot, too.

Verdict? I LOVE LOVE LOVE this thing! I worried that I was going to miss the whole "reading a book, holding a book, looking at the cover, reading all the details, sniffing the pages" experience. I did not. That was far overshadowed by the ease of holding a light-as-a-feather reader with one hand, being able to increase the font-size to accommodate my old-ass eyes, and having the backlight to further assist my late-night reading pleasures.

So I started with The Hunger Games, and was completely hooked on yet another YA reading selection. What of it, Reader? It's no secret I am known to enjoy the YA genre, including (but not limited to) The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants & Twilight series. I only indulged in the 1st of the Harry Potters, I found it enjoyable enough, but I guess I am more prone to teenage-angsty-lust - that has to comprise an element for me.

With The Hunger Games, we have another love triangle, between Katniss (main girl), and the two boys vying for her affections, Peeta & Gale. The tale is quite twisted, really, with a lot of death and the kids pitted against each other, having to kill each other until only 1 person remains. Sounds like a horrifying premise, and yet? I loved it. I just finished the 2nd book in the wee hours of Sunday morn, and am not going to download the 3rd until I get some things done around the house. Once I start these, it's really tough to be productive.

So that's my book review. Love my Nook, and I'm highly entertained by The Hunger Games.

Out of Date

I can no longer deny that I am getting old. er. Older. Shopping over the weekend, I realized that I don't even understand clothes any more. It wasn't even at some speciality store, wherein perhaps it might be understandable if I didn't understand the clothes. This was at T.J. Maxx. And by "this" I mean, THIS:

No, it was not touted as a Halloween ensemble, thinking Slutty Prisoner garb. Nope, it was smack-dab in the middle of the ladies clothing selections, like it was trying to be part of the normal stuff.

Orange-barrel orange. Black lace inserts in the booby-ish area. Scrunch-up belt side things.

I did not understand it. I do not deserve the title that goes with shopping at T.J. Maxx, Maxamista. Or whatever that is.

Eye for an Eye

I spent part of the weekend kal-EYE-doscope-ing myself.

If I only used my powers for good instead of inane, I would be so accomplished.

The Real Hunger Games

Exhausted and happy the weekend is here. One reason I am happy is that it is promising to be a rainy weekend. Why happy over the rain, you ask? Because of my latest book addiction, The Hunger Games trilogy.

I downloaded the first one to my brand new Nook reader, and devoured it last weekend. And then I waited patiently til this weekend for the 2nd one, knowing that as soon as I start it nothing else will be accomplished.

A friend lent me her book, so I didn't need to download it (sad face, while I appreciate the freeness of the loan, I love love love reading on the Nook, especially in bed as it lights up and my old-ass eyes don't need extra lamps turned on and reading glasses).

That's the weekend plan. I hope to get a lot of rest, I fear I have a compromised immune system and I need to let it gather it's strength.

Oh, as an aside, we are back on Meatless Month. Except now we're ramping it up and I'm going vegan, too. So far that is very difficult and it's only been 1 day. Tonights supper was pea soup and grilled tomato sammichs. It wasn't the worst, but I think I took too many liberties with the pea soup recipe, compliments of The Healthy Hoff.

Meat Frenzy

Other meats we ate this weekend, outside of the 12 oz. ribeye September-kick-off dinner include:

• Ribs
• Chicken sammich
• Wings
• Ham, cubed up in an omelet
• Bacon - it was limp and not crispy, the way I like it, so it was very disappointing. Cracker Barrel serves the best bacon, and I should have gone there. Sad face :(
• Sausage - breakfast
• Hamburger - it was super delicious, but I only ate 1/2 of it
• French onion soup - maybe they should spell it on'yon (see post below about the apostrophe designating all words as French)
• Turkey sammich from Jimmy Johns (I really like their California sammich, but wouldn't miss it without the turkey at all)

We allowed ourselves one weekend of meat-indulgence, and are back on the meat-free wagon come Tuesday morn. We were to begin anew today, but have since decided to enjoy chicken tortilla soup for dinner from our favorite Mexican restaurant.

So, how are we feeling with all that meat? Not as poorly as I had anticipated, but I was meated-out by Sunday night.

It's been detrimental to my Oprah-approved poops, too. Things have changed this weekend down there, and not for the better. So I'll be happy to get back to an easier diet, but after the soup. My innards will thank me, I think.

Because It's Time For Another Cute Cat Picture.

She's the prettiest princess in all the land.

More Conversations With Kenny.

I have been off my pills since Thursday, and no good comes of it when I am sans anxiety meds. I didn't realize how much Mr. Anderson annoys the piss outta me when I'm not medicated. He only annoys me with his lack of household motivation. It's always about the house.

Anyway. While I was off on my tirade about his lack of proactively affixing the new toilet seat (that we purchased 2 months ago), I muttered something about, "I should have taken Eharmony up on their email offer for free dates this weekend."

Eharmony sent me some email about free date opportunities for the Labor Day weekend.

Mr. Anderson & I met on Eharmony. I think they forgot to add the "harmony" part to our relationship...

Anyway, the following convoluted conversation ensued:

K: "Four free dates?? How does Eharmony know how many dates you'll get in a weekend?"

T: "F-O-R, not the number 4."

K: "Well, if you need more dates, why don't you go for that guy you've been talking to lately? Your old boyfriend?"

Background story: My very first boyfriend, who took several of my virginities, connected with me via The Devil's Website, a.k.a., Facebook, back in June. We've been chatting it up on the phone for the past several weeks (well, we've chatted twice, but over the course of a few weeks). He has some problems, has had a challenging life, and we just chat a bit here and there because I think he could use a friend and well, why not. We've done nakey things with each other, I loved him long time at one time.

He was my first head-over-heels love story. I was Ka-RAZY about him. I have no idea why we broke up, but who cares, I was 17, it was 2 husbands and many other lovers ago.

Back to the conversation.

T: "That's the last thing I need, I don't need another ne'er-do-well."

K: "Ne'er-do-well? I've never heard of that word in my life"

T: "You are kidding, right? You are too dumb to date me." (I told you, I need my pills. I'm impolite without them).

I Google it, let him hear the audible so he doesn't think I'm the dummy, and read the definition to him aloud.

K: "So, it's Never-do-well"

T: "No, it's NE, then an apostrophe, ER, dash, d, o, dash, w, e, l, l. Ne'er-do-well. Not Never-do-well."

K: "Ah, so it's French."

And then I burst out laughing, because he is funny and it sort of makes up for his lack of household ambition.

p.s. - he was joking on that last part. I hope.

Bring Your Appetite

Shopping for my very first time at Meijer in Michigan, I spotted this:

In a CAN, Reader! I morphed into a 12-year-old schoolboy as I guffawed and pointed. And I almost - ALMOST - didn't pick it up and put it in my cart. The regrets, I woulda had a few.

The label is so very appetizing. Dark spots against a fleshy, spongy backdrop. Who wouldn't want to put that in their mouth??

I decided then and there that I shall begin a collection of all food products that contain some reference to body parts, the more blushingly bad, the better.

I didn't even realize I started my collection with this purchase from some tropical island:

It's not just black, it's BIG, the label says so.

These items just beg to have a dinner party planned around them. The menu is practically writing itself, Reader.

Messing With My Playground

My boobies have turned against me. The very boobies which I've adored and cared for all these years.

So I had my first mammogram, if you recall from my post about being naked at work. Stop shaking your finger at me, Reader - yes, yes I KNOW it's my 1st mammogram at 44. Sheesh.

My results finally showed up: "Inconclusive"

I called the diagnostic center for further clarification and to figure out my next steps, and I asked the lady if I should cash in my retirement and book my trip around the world. She said not just yet.

I have to go for a follow-up squishing, I hope to get in next week, before my retirement package flounders even further.

And I've informed Kenny that if it's Dire Boobie News, and Bad Consequences, we shall be spending some of my retirement funds on a going away party for them. I will wear a very pushy-uppy brassier and let people poke and pet them and get a photo taken with them while they are still here. I say "they" because if one has to go, they both have to go. I can't walk around with one giant bajonga, I'd rather walk on the wild-side of the flat-chested, see what it's like to be able to wear button-down shirts that don't gape open.

But seriously? Let's hope it doesn't come to that. They still have a lot of livin' to do.

p.s. - does anyone get the title reference?? Lemme tell ya, to stop your sleepless night... My dad used to tell a little joke, "Do you know why women don't have hairy chests?" Answer: "Cause grass don't grow on a playground."

And It Was Good.

And Meatless August comes to an end.

September was ushered in with a 12 oz. ribeye.

It was fantastical.

I had worried/thought/considered the possibility that I may not enjoy a piece of animal flesh once my mouth grew unaccustomed to it, but lo, that was not the case. I enjoyed it just fine. My Mister did, too.

We had a very successful August with going meatless. We struggled to figure some of it out, one can only have potato & cheese pierogies so often, but we sort of found a groove. It wasn't entirely difficult.

However, this past week I found myself substituting ice cream in place of a substantial dinner meal. Last night I had a "dinner" of 2 slices of whole wheat toast with sliced tomatoes on it. Then, a few hours later, I wanted an ice cream cone so we went out at 9:45 p.m. for ice cream. That happened three times from Sunday to Wednesday. Ice cream cannot be dinner. Or can it?? I'm still not sure, perhaps that's the next experiment.

My Mister & I had planned to go meatless straight through to our October vacation, but then tonight? At dinner time? We said, "Fuck it, let's get a steak." And that's what we did.

He lost about 7 lbs., I lost about 5 lbs., and this is even WITH the ice-cream dinner menu. So it did us some good, and gave our systems a rest, and our pooping habits changed (not that they needed to, but we noted some differences in how our bodies were processing food), and I even started exercising this past week. I had more energy - finally.

Good things.

We're going to get back on the meatless wagon, right after Labor Day weekend. And then we will sail through on that plan until we sail away on our cruise ship in October.

We're Flexitarians.