Thanks, Stanley's Asshole!

I took a gander at my site stats. As expected, I don't generate much traffic, and never promoted the site to do so.

However. One interesting thing it does show is what keywords have driven traffic to my site. These keywords drove traffic here:

ass hole licking photos

I guess that says a lot about my content here.

Here's to a job, done.

Do All.

I don't know where I lifted this from, but I love it.

Presentation is Everything

It wasn't presented like this in the menu.

I believe it said something along the lines of "nachos with pulled pork."

I've Been Doing It All Wrong

Comedian Whitney Cummings tweeted:

WhitneyCummings Whitney Cummings

You can't be successful and have sex on weekdays

Maybe that's why I'm stuck in middle management. I'm telling My Mister that weekday sex is over starting...NOW.

Don't let this post mislead you, however. I'm usually too tired on the weekdays anyway. But at least now I feel that I have a professional excuse to go to bed - alone - at ten p.m.

Yes, I've re-signed up for Twitter. I've got to follow Murdoch's dog. And learn the keys to success.

Red Velvet, We Meet Again

Joanne's friend Melanie had a delicious surprise waiting for us in our cruise ship stateroom: A package of Red Velvet Cupcakes. If you recall, I am quite fond of cruise ship red velvet cupcakes. Yes indeedie. It was really all I could do not to open them up immediately and shove one between my lips. But always the lady, I waited for Joanne to make the first move on them. That's me, the Lady.

We enjoyed them on our balcony after a long day of sightseeing/touring somewhere. A nice cold cuppa milk, fresh showers and our pajamas, and the cupcakes were ours.

They were all the sweeter for having waited until the perfect time to indulge.

P.S. After typing this little Cupcake Recap, I remembered that wasn't the way it went down at all. In fact, I opened the package Day 1 - almost immediately upon seeing them - and shoved one in my face, and even said something like, "I don't care if you're eating them or not, I'm having one NOW!!" and I did. There's no "lady like" when Red Velvet Cupcakes are in the room.

Thanks, Melanie. I blame you for all my un-ladylike behaviors. All of them, even the ones that don't involve cupcakes. Shew, it's nice to have a fallguy.

Lazy.

This is such a lazy post. Just a picture. Give me a demerit.

And ya know something? I really didn't do much at all this weekend. There's no real excuse for no post. Saturday I had a Shellac manicure (hot pink). Sunday we took a road trip to take care of some bizniz for My Mister. That exhausted me to the point that I came home and took a nap.

We did go to the movies Saturday, saw Arthur, the new Russell Brand movie. It was funny, but unfortunately I think they showed too many of the funny bits in the trailers so it made them less guffaw-out-loud-able. I hate it when movie trailers give too much away.

And now it's Sunday night and I've gotten very little else accomplished. I've got lots of stories in my head, but they just haven't made it to my fingers yet.

At least it's a short work week. It will be a Good Friday with the day off.

He's Definately Not Mikey.

Stanley didn't die today - hooray! We gave him an appetite stimulate to get him eating again. It worked like crazy. He bolted out of the cat carrier upon the return home and made a beeline for his food bowl. He's not eating dinner at the moment, but he could just be full. He ate a lot today.

They think it's the presence of the tumor in his butt canal that makes him grunt/moan in the litter box - he thinks he has to poop, but he really doesn't. But he feels packed-up so that's probably why he stopped eating.

He looks better already.

And I'd better keep those appetite stimulates clear away from myself. I don't need any help in that arena.

Back to the Asshole Again.

This one isn't about vacation, but more about reality. Bad reality. I fear that Stanley is dying on me. We have another appointment back at the vet Thursday over my lunch hour, but I expect no good news.

His asshole roto-rooter just didn't last long enough.

It makes my heart wince when I hear him grunting/crying in his litter box, trying to poop.

He's done with food as of today. Can't entice him with anything.

He looks like a rag-a-muffin.

My heart is heavy and fracturing.

Pretty Pretty Island

Vieques Island from the sky:

Courtyard entrance to our casita at the Tradewinds Hotel:

On the boardwalk across from our hotel:

First Stop

Vieques Island, Puerto Rico, a short walk from our hotel.

Yes, I Was!

Dickensen Bay, Antigua.

Pollyanna

I'm back! Vacation goes super-duper fast, and yet sort of slow at the same time. I think it's really just that time marches on, not so much pinned to vacation.

I'm getting dressed and heading to the office. Have a pot of my favorite Sam's Club coffee brewing to help kickstart me into action.

As hard as the cruise bed was, I tossed and turned all night in my own quite comfy bed. Go figure. I think it's "first day of school" jitters - don't quite know what I'm walking into after being gone a week, however, my emails didn't look too bad. Yes, I cleaned 'em up last night. I hate walking in blind on a Monday morning after a week away. I need to know the demons that await.

Happy Monday, folks! Make it a good one, they go by in a flash. Choose a good attitude to go along with the day.

Quick & Dirty

By the numbers: 1/ It was a quiet Saturday in St. Croix today. I had expected a lot out of this island, perhaps too much. We signed up for a Scenic Beach & Island tour and it was a snoozer. We were the youngest 2 on the bus, and the driver was Charlie Three-Times, saying everything at least 3 times. And pointing out really stupid stupid shit...er, "sights." For instance, the Kmart. A restaurant (of no signifance). A lumbar yard. Three times. On the left is a Kmart. A Kmart is on the left. Looking to your left is the Kmart. I took a nap. Maybe I was in fact really the oldest-timer on the bus, everyone else managed to stay awake. The upnote was that I found a cool piece of jewelry. Joanne did, too. And we had a piece of rum cake from a little shop that buys it from a 100+ year old Jamaician woman who is liberal with the rum. 2/ We are packed up and ready to head for home. Boo. But yay, too, because it's always a little bitter-sweet. I feel as if I've been gone a long time. 3/ The bed on this ship is super-duper uncomfortable. My left arm, which is always a little twingy from some neck nerve damage is quite numb, all the way across my hands and fingers. I attribute it to the shitty bed and pillow situation. I'll be happy to be back on my home bed territory tomorrow. 4/ Joanne has caught a bit of a cold. She's holed up in the room on this last night. But she did manage to get one hell-ov-a tan on this vacation. She is a brown little berry. I am scaly and blistery and red. Wish I were exaggerating about the blisters. Okay, I've just successfully used up the rest of my internet minutes. I'll be home soon. Then, it will be the vacation slide show. And perhaps I will talk you through it, repeating myself three times with each photo. Wouldn't that be fun?

Fun & Sun

Well, Hello There, Landlubbers! We've been at sea since Sunday - time flies! Here's a quick recap of where what we've been up to. Joanne and I enjoyed our first class flight from cold Cleveland to sunny San Juan on Saturday. Once we arrived, we found our next flight, which was a twin-prop Cessna, and held about 8 of us. The worst/scariest part of it? We had to give 'em our weight. I was not prepared for that and told the girl I needed to write the number down for her, that's not something that I just blurt out. Joanne bravely blurted. The ride to Vieques Island was about 20 minutes. It was quite a nifty flight over the islands surrounding Puerto Rico, dotting the sea like little emerald jewels. We landed and made our way to a little bar area where we waiting for our luggage - it was arriving on the next flight, because we managed to get on an earlier one. So we had burgers and Presidente beer and waited. It finally arrived and we got a taxi and headed to our hotel, The Tradewinds. Saturday night we were fulfilling one of my Life List goals, to swim in a biolumenescent bay. They picked us up around 6:45 right across from our hotel and took us to the excursion. After a jumpy bus ride to the bay, we boarded our poontoon boat and we were off. The starry night was Ah.Maze.Ing. Seriously, the most incredible sight. We could see fish swimming and jumping along as the boat moved, they were flickering in the dark with the neon plankton. We stopped and jumped in the water. It was pretty cool, it was more of a glow around your body verses a lot of lightening bolt-type glows, which is what I had sort of imagined. But when I lifted my arms out of the water, the droplets that fell off glinted like diamonds. It was pretty magical, especially floating on my back in that water and looking up at the night sky. Overall, it was a dream worth fulfilling. I don't need to do it again, but it was something that I can look back on and say I did and feel accomplished. Sunday we flew back to the mainland and caught our ship. Tuesday was our first stop, in Barbados. Another Life List dream realized. It was about like I expected it to be from my adult perspective. A pretty island, but it's not Aruba (which is one of my favorites). We took a catamaran trip, which offered snorkeling with turtles and then a swimming break. I skipped out on the turtles, I wasn't too fond when I swam around with stingrays so I was okay in the boat. Marine things - other than dolphins - aren't really my thing. Unless they glow in the dark. Yesterday we had a 7 hour tour of St. Lucia. It was really fun. Pictures to come. Today, Antigua, where we had a 4 hour beach escape trip. It was amazing. I've managed to shield myself from that Wicked Wicked Sun. I did get burned up pretty good in Barbados, despite my SPF 50 liberally applied. I had a tich of heat/sun stroke that night, and have some sun poisoning on my hands, despite my best and deligent efforts to keep 'em slathered. Joanne, naturally is as brown as a nut. Curses to my freckles! Tomorrow is the nudie beach on St. Marten - if Joanne wants to go. I told her that there's weiners in abundance over there, but that seemed to be more of a detractor than an attractor. Go figure :) We did buy a bottle of rum today, simply for the fact it's called Big Black Dick rum. Who wouldn't want a sip of that? Come to our house, you can have some, too! Okay, off to dinner/drinks/casino. Speaking of Casino - I almost forgot! We won at the casino on the first night. I won $1000 on Wheel of Fortune, then we played another one together and split another $1000. It was good times. Too bad that lucky streak didn't last.....but maybe tonight :)

Snack Attack

I'm a big fat blogging liar. I have not shared my 2nd life-list item yet. I'm too busy. Why does it take so much work to get ready to leave for vacation? Just the Girl Maintenance alone is exhausting! Factor in a long cold winter and just tending to all the hair is a 2-day, 2-salon event. Sheesh.

Tonight was nails & spray-on tan. Those were the last of the Girl Chores. Now, I have to finish packing my bags, gathering up all the odds & ends I need, taking out the trash and putting away as much laundry as I can possibly stand to handle.

So that's how I will be spending the evening, as soon as I hoist myself up outta this chair.

Oh, by the way, Stanley's doing pretty crappy tonight. Kenny's out of town, he comes home on Sunday, and I hope the cat can muster through until he returns. I just have to go on vacation and let life unfold the way it is going to unfold. Don't get me wrong, he's not dying today or anything, but he is finicky-eating which is a bad sign. I just can't do much about it that doesn't involve a trip to the pet emergency, and there's nothing they could do anyway. It is what it is. I hope that Kenny can get him to eating a little bit better. It's worrying me a little, in the back of the brain kind of worry, but I can't fix it at the moment.

I can, however, fix my toenails, and those I shall be painting tonight. No, no pedicure, just a Shellac on the fingertips.

Now, if I could only lose 50 lbs. before the morrow....

Ah well. I am who I am, it is what it is, all ya can do is roll with it and enjoy life with a smile. I may be posting an update from the high seas, but we are really jam-packed with stops on this trip. Starting Tuesday, we stop every day of the trip, right up until we come home on Sunday. Only one day to read at the pool. And to think I paid $26 for a hardcover book from Borders, because I was afraid my first vacation book selection wouldn't last me the duration of the trip. With only 1 reading day, I'll be lucky to crack into it.

Enjoy your new month, Reader. I didn't even have the opportunity to April Fool's anyone. Oh! But my vagina played a little April Fool's jokie on me. Yep, she tricked me. I've been a-waiting on my menses to arrive, and waiting, and waiting, but she was a no-show. Nothing since the beginning of February. I was hoping for it last week, get it out of the way before vacation. But instead? She said "April Fool's, Fucker! Here ya go, my little vacation gift for you!". I think it's the way the Universe is making sure I don't give my virginity away to a Puerto Rican, as I've been teasing My Mister that I was going to do since our overlapping vacations have created a sexual dry spell. The Universe is trying to keep me true. And possibly get me eaten by a shark.

I hope I'm not a shark snack.