Warmed Our Cockles.

It's no Christmas Story. But it is my first attempt to use my Mac to make a video. It's raw. It's juvenile. It's not very witty. But it's mine, all mine. And now it's yours.

There is no end to my generosity.

Maybe It Was The Aftershave.

I gave Kenny an extra-special Christmas treat this year. It went a little something like this:

Upon getting out of the shower, I presented him with a high-karate kick from the living room doorway:

Only less high, with more crooked parts, and a little bit (well, quite a bit, actually) of wobbling thrown in, where it could have appeared that I was almost falling over, but in fact I was just transitioning into my next moves, which were the really-fast-and-blurry professional-type moves:

And then I brought the show to a close with a little tribute to The King:

All this while naked.

Performance Arts, People. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Jolly Ol' St. Twink

He looks happy, right?

Poor Twinkle Toes. He had to go to the vet on Thursday. We had him tentatively scheduled for tooth surgery, I was combining the exam with surgery day to keep it down to 1 visit. His mouth has been sore on the right side. He winces when I kiss him there.

Anyway, the good news is that yes, it's sore, but we're trying some medicine before getting in there and rooting around. With his diabetes, they like to do surgery as a last resort - me, too.

He seems to be feeling better.

Did I mention I love him?? I do.

The Old Man Is Snoring

If you haven't heard by now, it rained throughout our vacation. But! One day, the sun tried it's darndest to peek through:

And when it did? Six thousand people emerged, too. Not an open spot to be found on any of the upper decks.

That's just a snippet of the folks who were out. I managed to find a little spot in a nook on one of the decks that had a couple of vacant chairs and was sequestered away from little crumb-grinders (a.k.a., squalling kids) and I plopped myself down and read my book, and tried my darndest to process some Vitamin D. I worry about that, it seems to be something that's in the news lately, Vitamin D deficiencies. So I do my part to find sunshine.

Mostly, though, it looked like this:

I wish I could say that was a re-touched photo, but it's not. It was really that drab.

Notice rain spots on shirt and wet-rat hairdo:

So not every vacation can be a hit. It was still a vacation, and I'm privileged to have been able to travel once again. So suck it, Rain. You're not gonna get me down. But I do acknowledge that it's not nearly as much fun to be stuck indoors on a cruise ship. I've never minded at-sea days before, in fact I normally love them, but I've learned that I love them only when I can sit in the sun and read for hours and hours. Sitting in my room isn't nearly as much fun, although there is room service, which is a plus.

p.s., I read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. It's a good thing I was sequestered with it, it forced me to get past the first 150 slow-moving pages and then it picked up and was a good fun roller-coaster ride. I couldn't wait to hit the airport and pick up the 2nd one, which is calling my name right now.

Pound One Out

That title is just so....dirty. I couldn't resist.

We're on Day 4 of Trip. The Internet is exceedingly slow. Here it is, by the down & dirty numbers.

1/ It took me 4 days to relax and finally settle in today and enjoy myself. We missed our first stop on Monday (to the Bahamas) due to high winds & waves. Some people have been seasick. Not me, I loves me the motion o' the ocean, and it just lulls me to sleep. For the bigness of this ship, it's hard to believe it's rockin' the way it is (we're on the brand-new Allure of the Seas, Royal Caribbean's grandest).

2/ As big as this ship is, yesterday I was bored. I feel bad and spoiled and ingrateful for even typing "I was bored" while on my zillionth vacation. But that's the way it was, why pretend otherwise. I needed to get off this ship. Normally I love at-sea days, because I lounge and read and soak up some Vitamin D. But it's been windy and overcast and chilly, and that makes it a lot less fun. As one dude in the elevator commiserated with me, "all there is to do is eat." I was actually on my way for a sammich when he said that, and laughed. I wasn't even hungry, just bored.

3/ I finally took matters into my own hands and worked on overcoming my restlessness. I went to the gym. I rode the bike there. It helped with the restlessness, although it was a little dishearted because 30 minutes apparently burned 85 calories. It didn't counteract the 2 Cupcake Cupboard cupcakes I've gotten reacquainted with, but it was something.

4/ The Cupcake Cupboard has been a big fat disappointment. Two cupcakes (red velvet, turtle) and neither one was good enough to finish. WTF, Allure of the Seas Cupcake Bakerman. I haven't needed to go back, although they've now incorporated a Frequent Cupcake-Eater card, and if I eat 6, I get the 7th free. They just color in the little cupcake top with a pen, I asked Kenny if he thought I could get away with just coloring them in myself and pretending I had 6 to get my free one. I figure they owe me from my indulgence on the Oasis, right? It's not stealing, because I ate like 9 of 'em on that trip! THEY OWE ME. RIGHT?? But he said since you pay for them with your seapass card, they can track just exactly how many have been purchased and it may not be a good idea to try and steal from 'em instead of paying the $2.50. I guess he's right. I hate it when he's right.

5/ Did I mention the weather has sucked?

6/ We stopped today at St. Thomas. Weather was rainy, but a tropical rain beats a Cleveland snow any day of the year. We took a 2-hour tour just for something to do. It was the worst tour ever. Kenny called it the "J. Peterman Reality Tour." (Seinfeld reference, keep up, reader). But it was so bad, it joked me into the best vacation mood ever and life is good again. It's a post for another day (cause this is 65cents/minute).

7/ I realized I need a full-length mirror at home. I've seen things that have made me realize I should be nicer to Kenny. Things like a whole entire swatch of hair growing up the back of my legs, which I've apparently missed shaving for like 6 months, at least. It's Grizzley Adams back there. Er, it WAS. Not now. I've asked Kenny if he's noticed that before and he just nodded his head "yes" and looked away, a little ashamed. Ashamed for me, I think.

On that note, I leave you. You're welcome.

Short on Time & Words

Rushing around like a crazy person. All. Week. I'm bone-weary, and my back hurts. I can smell relaxation in my near future. Or is it the smell of my Tide Totalcare? I want to clarify that I'm not in any way affiliated with this product, other than I love love love it! I can't stop sniffing myself (er...my pajama top). I am very fresh smelling!

That's all I have time for. Perhaps I will be able to perform a high-seas hello this week. I have a date with the Cupcake Cupboard starting tomorrow. Red Velvet and I shall meet again.

I'm off to finish my chores.

It's a Powerful Beat

Eh, fuck it.

Maybe not posting nonsense is a bad idea, as it can be a crutch to forget my worries and strife and spread the religion on the rhythm of life. We sang that song in choir, and suck it Kenny, yes I was allowed to join choir.

Another absolutely pointless thing that I learned is eating up my very valuable brain space is some lines from the very first episode of Laverne DeFazio & Shirley Feeney. Yes, the first episode included their last names. We watched it on Saturday. And I recited along with them, "...and if it ever gets too hot, Pepsi Cola hits the spot." Kenny looked at me incredulously, and now understands why I can't remember when trash night is, because my brain is cluttered with old choir song lyrics and sporadic lines from 70's sitcoms.

But what I really came here to tell you about is my latest product find: Tide Totalcare laundry detergent. Somehow a sample of that stuff ended up on my washing machine and when I was cleaning all the bedding after our weekend flu bout, I used the Tide to clean our down comforter because I figured it would smell new/different from my normal detergent and make it exciting to crawl into bed. More exciting than it is knowing that sexy Mr. Anderson is laying there waiting for me, that is. More exciting than that.

Anyway. I washed and dried our comforter and put it on the bed and could not believe my eyes. That comforter was ridiculously clean! I hadn't even realized how dirty it was, until I saw how clean and fresh it looked! It had a couple of stains on it from who's knows what (pets/Vicks Vapor rub/we won't explore other options) that just never came out when I'd wash it.

But now? Clean. As a Whistle. I heart that product, and even bought 2 jugs of it while we were at Target tonight. And it was sort of expensive ($11.99 a jug, with a $5 Target gift card if you bought 2 of them, so I did) and I didn't care, because it's that exciting.

I am excited to wash laundry. Dear Garth, please help me, I know not who I've become.

Is This More Work From Mother Karma??

I've had some personal family news that is giving me pause, and having me to take a sit-back from Internet Things and do a reset.

No, nobody's died or has an illness. Other things. But I'm going to tap out for a bit while I work on getting this sorted out.

Sorry for the vagueness, you know me, I tell ya all about my vagina, but some things just need to be kept a little closer to the vest.

Anyway. This could have gone either way, with my saying nothing and just not posting for a while, or posting this and leaving you a-flutter with wonder, but I didn't want to just ghost ya.

I just can't focus on this nonsense when there's some real-life bullshit that needs to get sorted out. That's all. It makes me realize how non-important so much of life's make-up really is. Who the fuck cares if Lebron plays ball here, or in Miami? It matters not one whit. I don't even know if that's the right word, "whit", but it doesn't matter enough to worry about checking it out.

I'm going to bed with cats. And praying (to Garth and God) for some peace.