Bump In The Night

We spent Halloween at The Point, participating for the first time in Halloweekends. And it was fun! And cold! And fun!

And. I'm not 20 anymore (no shit, I know). Holy smokes, I'm not bendy enough to fold myself up into those contraptions they call rides.


And? While I was always a fan of the spin-me-round-and-round rides, after the trifecta of The Troika, The Matterhorn and the Himalayan, I was nauseous. I needed a carbonated beverage and a time-out.

And? It was quite frightful after 7, when the ghouls and the smoke making machine came out, and it was eerie and things jumped at us in the night. I screamed.

And lastly? We weren't complete old-fucking-duds, we did ride a few coasters, and even more spinning rides despite the roiling in my tum-tum. So suck it, youngsters . We know how to par-tay. As long as we're home by ten.

With a Banjo On My Knee

I can feel the roar of Birthday Month comin' round the bend.

"Birthday MONTH?" I hear you think to yourself.

Yes, I know. Even Jesus only gets a day.

May The Force Be With You

We (cats & I) enjoyed Sunshiney Backporch Sunday.

They (cats) napped. I read a Harlequin Romance called Ruthlessly Bedded, Forcibly Wedded.

They (cats, and Harlequin) licked themselves all over. I constructed my plans for my lovah for later in the evening. And if I have to forcibly and ruthlessly demand a bedding, I know just how to do it.

Mr. Sandman, Bring Me a Dream

So. Cute. I had a hard time not bothering her during her Saturday afternoon nap.

Bedhead

It was Nutty Professor Night at the Anderson Residenze (it's so French with a "z"). Ooh La La.

But back to the Nutty. I've had some stubborn greys in my temple, and I've been too busy/preoccupied/lazy to make a hair appointment, when frankly the only thing I need covered is around the hairline.

Fact: Girl Hair is very expensive.

I haven't felt like spending $150ish at the moment, especially since I don't need a cut. I think I'm a lot less disgruntled with my 'do since I had the Brazilian Blowout (ahem. $400.) on the cruise. It really does fall into place with very little effort, and so it makes me think it doesn't need any additional salon service. Plus, the longer I wait, the more chance I have to "not spend" and get over the $400 I spent.

So a couple weeks ago I bought a kit and beat those roots back into submission. It was fine, it did the trick, but seemed a tich on the "too blond" side.

And it didn't last long. Not as long as it lasts when I spend $150 and have it done, those greys are kept at bay 5 to 6 weeks.

So I bought another kit Friday night. We had a wedding to attend on Saturday. I chose a "medium blond, warm (golden)".

I ended up with this:

Not horrible, but it did pick up on some red. Good thing I didn't buy the actual red that I had in my hand and Kenny talked me out of. I would have been Raggedy Ann Red, just in time for a social event.

So is salon hair $140 better than the homejob? If I could stretch salon visits out to every 3 months (12 weeks) that would be ideal. I would save a shitbucket of money each year. We'll product test and see how long it takes for the greys to rear their ugly heads again.

My goal is to keep from needing a professional headjob until our December vacation. But I don't know if I can turn 40.....ahem... 44 (that leaves a bad taste in my mouth) with a homespun hairdo. But maybe! I'm going to remain optimistic.

And p.s., I even trimmed my own bangs so I really don't need a pro for a while. I'm a DIY kinda girl.

Oh, and p.p.s., remember how I mentioned there was a wedding on the agenda? Well, translate to wedding cake. So all-in-all, it was a good day. Despite the fact that the wedding cake was chocolate and I much prefer white wedding cake. It's a nice day when there's white wedding cake (per Billy Idol).

My Holy Grail

By now you should know my love of cake. Red velvet in particular. So when Eye Spied a box of Cheesecake Factory Red Velvet Cheesecake at Sam's Club last week, there was no question in my mind that it was going into my shopping buggy. Kenny looked at the cake, to my face, back to the cake, and pondered how that was going to fit in to my Weight Watchers Online weight loss efforts.

"I'm buying it for the holidays! Not for me! We'll surely be attending a lot of holiday events, it'll be nice to have it in the freezer and ready to go."

I've been using that box of cheesecake like an advent calendar. Every day I slide open the edge, look for my slice of surprise inside and move it right out and into my mouth. Sadly, I've eaten more frozen pieces than thawed. Last night I took out three pieces, one to eat last night and then two pieces to thaw for the weekend (one for both of us, for Sunday evening dessert or something).

This morning I opened the refrigerator and "tasted" the thawed version. The next thing ya know, I had eaten an entire slice WHILE I WAS MAKING BREAKFAST (french toast, another sugary confection).

Pray for me, Reader. It's the only thing that can help me now.

And no, I apparently can't have that in the house again.

p.s. - I lost 1/2 lb this week, despite the advent Cheesecake.

The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow

Getting better. Getting a grip. Getting it together.

Thoughts are clearing, work is working. Shew, thank Garth, because I was fearing that I was peter principle-ing myself, promoted to my level of inability...but then! it all started to come together. I have tomorrow to figger it all out. I think I can, I think I can...

I'm going to meditate before I go to sleep tonight. I started to do that last night, but I was all zen for a hot second and the next thing I knew, I jolted awake at 4 in the morning to the sound of a cat gaking. I love that sound. That should be an alarm clock sound. No one could sleep through that.

There. My life. Fun.

Wally Lamb Wrote About It

I don't really have much for ya. Here's what I can tell ya.

1/ Thursday night I went and had my karma unknotted by Mother Meera. I'm not sure exactly what went on when she was holding my head in her hands and looking into my eyes, but something went askance because my karma is bee-eye-tee-c-h-eye-eee. I've become unraveled, rather than unknotted. I'm sick of everyone's bullshit, Mr. Anderson was in a hotmess of trouble over his neglect for Sweetest Day and general unconcern for me as a girl, and well, frankly it's just been not very zen around here this weekend. I've once again de-relationship status-ed us, which nowadays is the ultimate message you can send to someone. So thanks, Mother Meera. I'm unknotting everything around me. Maybe this is like when you get a facial applied, and it raises all the impurities to the surface and you actually look HORRIBLE before you start to look glowy and all clear-skinned. We'll see how glowy I get over the next few days.

2/ I made turkey tacos and they were good. Then we went and saw Jackass 3D and it was gross; boys are gross. But I still laughed out loud.

3/ I slept a lot today. I got up, ate breakfast, took a nap, ate tacos, rested, went to the movies and now I'm tired and ready for bed again. Maybe I'm so tired from the work that's being done with my karma, all that unknotting is exhausting.

On that note, I'm heading to ~ yawn ~ bed.

My Favorite Flower is Two-Lips.

It is Sweetest Day. A holiday made up by the candy company, not the greeting card company. So that's a misdirected finger point, Reader.

Kiss and be all in love. That's the rule. Twinkle'd better get ready, I plan on smooching him like ka-razy.

Vile Weed.

Uh....maybe the weeds weren't the best idea.. Prescription coming...are you sure you don't want pictures?? One comment requesting pictures and they'll be there... Just sayin'... I'm here to please, Reader.

just another snake-oil huckster

Let's go back and revisit the stomach-clitoris-that's-now-a-scabby-thing. It's healing, I think. Slowly. It seems to be getting smaller. Its not black like it was, and it doesn't seem to be radiating redness. The faux-doctor part of my psyche thinks those are clear signs of healing.

Most significant to the healing process was probably Joanne's advice to, "Stop putting shit on it!!!"

I'd been dousing it consistently in Neosporin, peroxide, and my magic salve made by the Inuits in Alaska.

Today, I'm ready to expedite the healing process. My good friend's mother - who is an old-school European - picks these weeds from the park that she swears will heal anything. They picked me a patch of these weeds with instructions to crush 'em up and tape 'em around whatever's ailing me. WTF, I'll give it a whirl. I'm an exceptional product tester. Did I just foreshadow myself?? Maybe I should be more cautiously frightened to just stick mashed up park weeds on my sensitive part, but really, I'm sick of it and ready to try a magic elixir. If this mashed-up weed works, I'm taking it on the road and selling it by the crushed-up barrel.

I will save you from the pictures. Don't say I don't give back, Reader.

I'll keep the stomach-clitoris-now-a-scabby-thing progress report updated. I am on my way to crush some weeds, tape 'em to myself and go to bed. Maybe I'll even find some temporary relief from a midlife crisis.

Big Tease

I spent part of Sunday accomplishing this:

Jerseylicious-ing myself.

Sadly, I think it looks kinda better than the original. Maybe I'm all wrong with my "understated" look and I need to big my hair and apply dark liner. And shinier lipstick. And most importantly, I realize the importance of getting my teeth whitened again.

Even more sadly, I see somewhat of a resemblance to Carrie Underwood in this picture. Not sad for me, mind you, but poor Carrie. She's just a few cupcakes and cruise buffets away from being this 40something. She'd better watch it, or it'll sneak right up on her.

And then a good thing happened by spending my time on this, because I've had the opportunity to rethink my decision to go out today and buy a redhead hair color kit and DIY it myself like the Nutty Professor in the bathroom.

One of my favorite shows is Fringe and in Alternate World, Redhead Olivia resides (Blond Olivia lives in our reality.... er... well, the television version of our reality). But I've had sort of a crush on Redhead Olivia and thought that maybe that was just the spark I needed this winter.

See? Super-sexy redhead.

But then, thanks to Jerseylicious, I had the chance to try-it-before-i-buy-it. And Oh, Good Garth, am I ever happy I didn't do this today, because.....well, a picture is worth at least a hundred words here:

So that's The Situation. It saved me $8 and a bucket of tears.

It Must Be Italian

And then it was a really fun night.

We had tickets to a clambake, being held in a really dive-y bar. The makings for Really Fun Times were all over this plan.

The bar is located kitty-corner from The Christmas Story House. One of Cleveland's Official Claims to Fame.

We ate clams and sang bad karaoke late into the evening. Met some new people. Laughed and drank and shimmied in our chairs.

On the way to the car we saw that most of the homes light up the streets with Electric Sex.

And all was right in the world.

It Was a Really Good Day

And Then She Licked It

I've been experimenting, Reader. Like a young college girl, only without the variety of sexual partners and drugs, and more with templates, colors and titles.

Right now our template is a little Ecstasy with a dash of '70s Porn thrown in. Enjoy the ride!

Some Stuff

Things:

1/ We saw the Facebook movie Saturday night. It was super-duper crowded. The movie exceeded my expectations, as they were very low to begin with, it wasn't difficult to manage. And I had decided while watching the movie that the dude was such a douchy dude that I was going to go immediately home and delete my Facebook account and never ever do one thing to contribute to his success again, but then it turned out all right in the end, although I do have to say that while this kid is filthy rich, he's got shitty moral fiber and you just can't buy that no matter how much money you have. He's a shitty person. A shitty rich person, but shitty none-the-less.

2/ We have tickets to see Louis CK tonight in two hours and I am very much looking forward to the shew. I am even going to wash my hair for this event, and ya'll should know by now that weekend-hair-washing isn't a given.

3/ I brought a giant bag of work home with me and didn't look at any of it. I'm hoping to just wing it Monday morning. I've had a cold. I didn't wanna work on the weekend when I started to feel a little better. So there. Tomorrow I shall pay the piper, but for today? Today I enjoyed myself.

4/Seems that a $7,000 Rolex watch is good for about 2 years. She just stopped working on Friday. My 2-year warranty expired in September. It stopped working on October 1st. Nope, I'm not shitting you. The Lady On The Phone told me, "wind it 40 times away from yourself." It's a self-winding watch, or "perpetual movement" - some fancy-worded thing. So I wound it 40 times away from myself, faced the sun, exhaled 12 times, walked in a circle starting due-North and who the fuck knows if she'll be working when I put it on later today. Maybe. Maybe the watch cost me $3,500 per year to wear it. That's an expensive fucking watch.

Just The Facts

I am officially too stupid to figure out my Mac. Everyone who says they are intuitive are stupid liars.

Street Widda's house sold. Some foreign dudes purchased it and are in the process of gutting it. We think they are going to try a "flip this house" on it, good luck. As for now, Street can still stay in the garage.

I've had a cold all week. And I'm such an asshole I touched someones baby at work, being overcome with the baby's cuteness, I just reached out my hand and touched it's head. I guess that's what ya get when you bring a baby into the workplace - you risk sick fuckers touching it.

I'm disgruntled that I can't figure out how to make a vacation video. It's making me sort of grit my teeth a little bit.

My stomach-clitoris/black-scabby-circle thing is healing. It's gross though. But not gross enough to stop Mr. Anderson from wanting to get busy, if you know what I mean. The penis knows no better.

Our two "new" cats (they've been here a year) are exceptional buggers. I don't know where all the bugs and spiders are coming from, quite frankly, but they've alerted us to multiple beetles and three spiders within the past week.

It's October already. I've signed us up for a covered bridges tour for next week, and we have a clambake on the Fall agenda. I like this time of year a lot. Sweaters and pie and festivals and colored leaves. All good things. Now if I could only make a video of it all.