Saturday, October 26, 2013

Haunted Housework

Me, watching that stupid fucking scary show on tv, The Haunting: 

"Why do ghosts have to be so scary?? Why are they always so interested in scratching you, pulling your covers off in the the middle of the night and creating mayhem??  Why can't ghosts ever just come back and wash the dishes and clean the floor? Why is every ghost an asshole?" 

And that is the question I pose today: Other than Casper, where are the good ghosts who do a little cleaning and tidying up for you? 

That's the Haunting I'd be interested in watching. And then I'd light some candles and do some chants to get me a cleaning ghost. 

Friday, October 25, 2013

There & Here

I just returned from Providence, Reader. The view above was from my hotel room. It was pretty and it made me happy in the morning.

We worked our asses off in Providence. Long days, short nights. But it was productive, so yay.

I ate a lobster last night. Another yay. For me. Not so much for the lobster.

I also ate a lot of other seafood. If I were a middle-aged man, I'd have a serious case of the gout right about now. 

Lucky for me, I'm not a middle-aged man.

I was also in close proximity to a Crumbs bakery, but didn't get to enjoy even a crumb. That part was sort of sad.

My gym clothes went to Providence with me. They laughed and laughed at me as I was shoving them in the bag. They were right. They never saw the light of day. 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

How Silence Saves a Life.

Me: "I'm getting sick." 

My Mister: "You know what'll make you feel better??"

Me: "It better not have anything to do with your wiener, or I'm going to have to kill you."

My Mister: ~crickets~

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Washed The Spiders Out

Being a home owner is hard work, Reader, for the un-talented home owner.  Everything is just mean and  more complicated than it should be. 

Yesterday we unpacked and assembled the new Ryobi power washer so we could set to work de-spidering the spidery outdoors, as the outdoors they are selecting for squatting are really just to close to my indoors  - they have crafted webs all around my front door, garage door and patio doors. Not to mention my mail box, basketball hoop, assorted shrubbery and lamp post. 

So the plan was to power wash them right into the Ravine. Hey, I'm all for letting nature be. As long as they 'be' somewhere farther away from where I be. 

And they be BIG out here, by the way. There were several the size of grapefruits hanging around.  

We discovered that spiders webs are tough, Reader. I know, I know, they're super-strong, blah blah, but I figured the power of 1700 PSI of water in direct hits would knock the webs down. 

Yet one more naive moment for me. 

You see, those webs don't want to come down.  So we figured we'd have to use some detergent with the power washer instead of just plain water. 

My Mister ran to the hardware store for some Krud Kutter. Only the new power washer didn't come with the correct soap nozzle. So it was a wasted effort. 

We used a mop to knock down some of the webs. 

And then I sprayed the doorways with insect killer, because Fuck You, Spiders.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Bangers & Fizzy Drinks

"ello, Loves! I've been in London and now have a proper English accent, complete with calling you Madame, as the situation warrants. 

It was a last-minute jaunt across the pond for work, where "work" equalled shopping for trends. AKA, Most Fun Work Ever. When I wasn't exhausted, that is. Because we did a lot of walking. A. Lot. 

I was most excited about the possibility of randomly bumping into Supernanny, as I've had a long-standing crush on Nanny Jo, with her pants that always seem to go up her crotch and the way she has with putting everyone in the naughty chair. 

I didn't bump into her, so I was sad. 

I did, however, bump into Crumbs Bakery in the Newark airport, thanks to my CupCake Watch Club Member, Joanne, who texted me the alert so I didn't miss out. 

That cupcake was the best time I've had in my mouth in a very long time.  It was such a party going on between my cheeks that I bought a half dozen on the way home. 

They are gone. 

That was three days ago.

You do the math. 

I'm going to Providence in two weeks, and have discovered they have a Crumbs there, too. 

I believe I will be rendezvousing with peanut butter and chocolate in my near future. 

In the meantime, all this travel has set me back a pace or two on the house getting-ready, so we've got to get a little more focused as we went out on a limb and invited a slew of people over in a few short weeks. If all else fails, I can order cupcakes and everyone will be in sugary bliss and not even notice the boxes they are sitting on that I creatively call "occasional seating."